I am not one of those who like to divide personality into subpersonalities. The personality is one, even when there is an internal dialogue of “parts”. The divisions used in working with clients are conditional and are used for clarity. But sometimes isolating individual functions of the psyche as objects can be very useful and clear. Therefore, it is the controller that I often use when working with clients. The controller is responsible for checking the results of our activities, helping to plan the future, taking into account the past rake. At the same time, it is the controller who comes to us with a list of what we owe, what is needed and how to do it correctly. If there is a discrepancy with the list we are entitled to a fiery hyena in the form of shame 🔥🔥🔥. And the verification process itself is often accompanied by guilt (as soon as the hypothesis arises that a mistake has been made). The person at this moment feels very bad. Therefore, many go to work with a psychologist with a hidden request “do something about this bastard controller.” The controller often manifests itself in the form of anxiety aimed at solving a problem. Not all problems are solvable, and the largest number of bugs in his work occur in the following situations: 1. The requirements of the controller's checklist are higher than the capabilities of the performer2. The requirements were feasible in other conditions, but the conditions changed and the executor and the controller clicked.3. A person’s entire self-esteem is at stake: “if you don’t wash your hands, humanity will reject you and burn you at the stake”4. Humanity is perceived as a monolith that always reacts with a united front, in the same way5. As a child, a person experienced a lot of rejection for mistakes; mistakes were always dramatized, or the same “mistake” (perhaps associated with age or personal limitations) received either a positive or a negative reaction, which led to the formation of helplessness in the desire to receive approval.6 . The requirements came into conflict with each other. We like to talk about how should conflicts with want. But this is such bullshit! “Should” always wins and there is no stuckness or torment. But when two “musts” grapple, a bloody mess begins. And when “I must do what I want”, exactly the same thing happens with any other “should”. This is painful. By refusing the controller, a person loses the advantage that nature gave him - the ability to plan and avoid rake. But he also gets rid of the pain associated with analyzing his behavior. Yet the development of civilization is ensured by people who have learned to live with it. But the hyperfunction of this process will spoil the nerves in vain, leading to anxiety and depressive disorders. To determine whether a controller is appropriate now or not, it is important to compare his activity with goals (preferably built on values) and with available resources. It is important to be able to make decisions, set priorities, refuse what cannot be obtained, accept uncertainty (the controller is especially chaotically active when nothing is clear). One of the violations of the controller’s functions is a list of “how it should be” addressed to the world and other people, and not to oneself. This is an external locus of control, which is accompanied by infantilism. This is normal for a small child. As the child grows up, he learns to take responsibility for his behavior and accept the conditions of the outside world as conditions of play. In psychotherapy, the state opposite to the above is called readiness: readiness to accept conditions and act. And to the question of children. If you want to raise a responsible person who will never have anxiety and pangs of conscience, then your upbringing will be inconsistent. If you just want a responsible person, then it is important not to go too far. It is important to teach how to rely on your interests, delayed benefits. But this is possible for children over 7 years old. And this benefit should not be “You are growing, you will get a good salary if you go to the skating rink today".