Tackling the topic of narcissism is not an easy task. The range of causes, types, possible scenarios for the development of narcissistic manifestations is so wide that the article can only touch on certain aspects. Despite the abundance of information around, the everyday idea of ​​a narcissistic personality is the idea of ​​a kind of narcissistic, pompous, actively attracting attention to himself person, passionate only yourself and indifferent to others. In reality, everything is much more complicated. The presented type is only one of the options. A rather gloomy, withdrawn, touchy person, living in isolation, hiding from others (and often drinking too much) is often also a narcissistic type. I would like to talk today about the 3 pillars of the narcissistic personality, the basics that will always be present - this is shame, envy and fear of rejection.1. Shame. The narcissistic personality is always tormented by shame. Unbearably painful feelings about one’s own shortcomings, a strong fear of being caught in any shortcomings. It manifests itself as the fear of not knowing something, not being able to do something, not being perfect in something. Why shame? Because a narcissist is most often an unloved child, whose psyche has considered that he was rejected and not loved because of his flaws. Somewhere in the very depths, this person is confident in his defectiveness and is most afraid of exposure (for grandiose narcissists it is completely repressed) .2. Envy and constant comparison of oneself with other people. Envy is a constant companion of the narcissist. Why envy? Because from childhood and throughout life there has been a search for an answer - why did some people fall in love, but not me? An attempt to answer WHY they were loved? What do they have? How to acquire this? Not finding a reliable answer, such a person begins to fill himself with the most socially approved content that appeals to the majority - beauty, money, career, success.3. Fear of rejection. This is the central problem, the place of trauma. Manifests itself as: the inability to ask; the inability to offer oneself to someone: you cannot call first, you cannot call on a date, you cannot offer yourself as an expert, etc. the inability to conflict and defend your interests. Narcissistic personality type may have great difficulties with participation in competitions, competitions, working in a group, the need to pass tests/exams, etc. In such cases, all 3 components are at work - shame (fear of exposure), and painful comparison of oneself with others, and the expectation of rejection. In some cases, the formation of the psyche has been completely adjusted from the fear of rejection, then we see the “be good” algorithm. To please everyone, to serve everyone, just so as not to be rejected. By this point, most readers were already significantly frightened, because they saw themselves in almost all points. That’s right, the vast majority of people have narcissistic injuries. The question, as always, is one of degree. In some cases, we are talking about rare painful stings of shame or envy, while in others, the psyche is literally captured by these states, and the entire functioning of the individual is detuned from them. ***************More interesting and useful information on the topic of psychology and psychoanalysis on my Telegram channel: https://t.me/stashkova_psychoanalysta and also on the VK page: https://vk .com/stashkova_psychoanalyst