Parental prohibitions are usually (but not always) nonverbal messages for the child from the parents. They are rarely recognized by both parents and the child himself. But nevertheless, they can greatly influence a person’s life. “Don’t be a child”, “Don’t grow up” - these hidden parental prohibitions have an invisible impact on our childhood and adulthood. From holding back emotions to limiting self-expression, these inhibitions have a subtle but powerful impact on our ability to be functioning adults. "Don't be a child" Sometimes the threat from the real child, the inner child of the parents, is not regarded as very serious. They compromise and do not impose a ban on life, but prohibit the child from being a child. In this case, parentification occurs, a substitution of roles: parents play the role of children, and the child plays the role of a parent. At the same time, purely outwardly, parents can fulfill their responsibilities. But responsibility for their feelings, behavior, successes and failures rests with the child. Such children may also be assigned responsibilities for caring for younger children and even raising them. For example, some parents seriously scold older children for the actions of younger ones: You are the eldest, you should have watched. And at this moment it is completely lost sight of the fact that the eldest, too, quite possibly, should have been watched. For such parents, seniority automatically means adulthood, although in fact one is often not connected with the other. In this case, one child is simply forced to be an adult in order to take care of the other. And it doesn't always work out well, if at all. Parents seem to be saying to the child: So be it, live, but don’t be small. As a rule, such a ban is issued by parents who themselves were not allowed children’s reactions and behavior in childhood. Then they were afraid of losing the love of their parents and suppressed childhood in themselves. Now, the manifestations of childhood in others simply cause vague fear and anxiety, which are hidden behind anger and shame. I no longer remember why being a child is dangerous. It's just dangerous, that's all. This is where the admonition “big girls don’t cry” comes from. An only child or the eldest child in the family can also receive a ban on childish behavior. Children tend to consider themselves the cause of everything in the world. And if parents quarrel, get divorced, get sick, it’s because of them, the children. A child can associate the problems of adults with manifestations of his childhood and perceive this as a ban on childhood. If I’m not small, everything will be fine. This ban is also formed in families where it is pleasant to treat each other in a very utilitarian way: doing something is useful .if you don’t do it, you don’t need it. Children don’t do things, they play, have fun, have fun, play pranks. Therefore, in such families, being a child means being useless. And by avoiding rejection, children turn into little adults. Sometimes this prohibition manifests itself in other forms: “don’t have fun, don’t be happy.” It’s as if only children are happy, and adults should always be serious. And if a child perceives such a prohibition, he may avoid fun in childhood, and in adulthood feel discomfort when other children or people in childhood states are having fun. At this moment, his own ban resonates and he feels an indirect threat. Sometimes the ban on fun, as a part of childhood, is formed on the basis of a magical stereotype: “Whoever laughs a lot cries a lot later.” This saying may be talking about mental lability. People with unstable psyches are indeed prone to frequent and violent alternations of joy and sadness. But this saying is perceived as a global rule: not only mentally unstable people cry after laughing, but in general all people cry after laughing. That is, in order to avoid troubles and sorrows, you just need to not be happy. This can take serious forms when a person not only diligently avoids joy, but also tries to find disadvantages in everything, as if artificially making his life darker and sadder. If there are many small troubles, the big trouble will not come. “No: 8-918-253-73-83