An important feature that helps to increase mental efficiency and not waste energy is the ability to rely on one’s own experience. From early childhood, no matter how much our parents protect us, we fill our shoulder basket with stones of experience: - backlog a hot iron and now I’m more careful with hot objects; - fell from a swing and now I won’t hang down from a second-floor window; - covered by a sea wave and I won’t go swimming in a strong storm. The weight of the basket is compensated by a safety bonus. For survival, people absolutely need , it is simply vital to be connected to other people. A human baby will die if left alone; intimacy is directly related to safety. The experiences of childhood remain with us forever. And to the “stones” of interaction with objects are added the “stones” of relationships: - Dad spoke in a loud voice and did not notice me, but I still ran up and then he shouted at me so that I was dumbfounded. Since then, when dad is irritated, I try to hide; - a friend told me that I am the most important for him and will always be so, but a new guy came and he does not notice me for a week. How can I trust my friend now? - In the past, my mother promised to give me a puppy for my birthday, but I will soon have a brother. And my mother told me to forget about it. Now I know that for my mother there is someone more important than me. And everything would be fine. It’s not bad in this life to know where you can get burned, hit, or stumble. Or don’t ask for promises from them, who won’t keep them, don’t feel the irritation of an unrestrained father, realize that I’m not the only one with my mother and the world doesn’t revolve around me. As long as my basket is light enough so that my shoulders don’t bend under its weight, I won’t even notice it. But suddenly (or not at all by chance): - this man looks like dad, he has a loud voice. I will stay away from him; - friends always betray. You can’t trust anyone; your wife will definitely have someone else. All women are the same. A person seeks security and selects “stones” for all occasions. Situations that are only vaguely similar to the initially frightening one. Or people who bear an ephemeral resemblance to childhood figures. All this is now strenuously avoided. My own experience practically disappears. But the anxiety does not subside. After all, the trick is that the connection between anxiety and danger is not obvious. Anxiety is vague and its origin can be due equally to mental trauma, “collapsed” anger or stopped needs. At the same time, anxiety is alleviated if there is a reason for it. Then it transforms into fear. And the reason can only be found in the basket of your experience or by looking into other people’s baskets. Yesterday they talked about the tornado on TV. And now I feel uneasy at the thought of going to the sea. More and more situations, places and people are labeled “dangerous” and become another stone on our shoulders. One day, the burden becomes too much to bear. You can only move from your place by deciding to take the basket off your shoulders. Entirely. Despite the fact that she has practically grown in. Having realized that the world is dangerous, but attractive at the same time. In my opinion, only one thing can provoke this step - the sudden understanding that death has already occurred at the moment when the basket is forced to grow into place. Is your basket heavy? Can you breathe deeply or have your back been hunched and your shoulders compressed for a long time? Do you need all the stones? Do you want to continue filling your cart? Take inventory of your rules, your fears, your limitations. Look at them carefully. Perhaps they will begin to crumble under your gaze or melt in your warm hands.