"I can't break the suffocating threads that bind me to you" Unhappy love with lingering experiences of the pain of separation is sick love, and it affects us like a real disease . Grief, melancholy, depressing mood - this is not a disembodied fog that obscures the soul, but a literal poisoning of the body. And the mental pain that a person experiences is real, physical pain. There is an expression - “adrenaline melancholy”: in moments of grief, sharply increased flows of adrenaline are released into a person’s blood. They, apparently, intensify the feeling of oppressive physical heaviness, from which “the soul cries” and “the heart breaks.” The pain of parting can agonize for a long time, and if it is not treated with joys, entertainment, new hobbies, it can turn into chronic pain. -logical disease and torment a person for many years. It’s as if a part of our soul dies in us, and like a person who has been deprived of some part of his body, the soul whose love has been cut off suffers cruelly from mutilation. How to overcome the pain of separation? What is the best way to behave in such cases? In my opinion, it is best to get out of the trap of this relationship as quickly as possible, because the longer you stay in it, the more painful and difficult it will be to do this. But, perhaps, the most important thing that the “suicide bombers of love” do not know is that that their likelihood of finding happiness in the future is higher than that of those who have not experienced the collapse of love. And the reason here is precisely that they already have the experience of unhappiness - a great experience that leaves an instinctive knowledge of the pitfalls in love relationships, a subconscious ability to bypass them. This experience, as one of the best teachers of the soul, and therefore the law of compensation applies to those who have gone through a love disaster: their chances of future happiness increase, but provided that the connecting thread or even the rope holding you in that connection, will be cut. And therefore, never try to keep your partner at any cost - this will have a bad effect, first of all, on you. You should not perceive separation as an insult caused to you, humiliation or loss of your prestige. Tell yourself that your separation is nothing more than an agreed decision of two who have lost their previous interest in each other. Tatyana, 34 years old, a leading accountant in a company for the wholesale sale of household appliances, made a request regarding the difficulty in establishing stable serious relationships with men. According to her, she attracts men. They show her various types of attention. In addition, she is very selective in communication and does not give reasons for gossip. But in the line of her relationships with men, a general trend began to be visible: “as soon as relationships with men begin to move to the stage with a claim to a serious relationship, they evaporate, and none of them have yet been able to clearly explain to me why.” One of the most effective methods, aimed at solving this kind of problem is the “Family Constellation Method”, developed by the German philosopher and psychotherapist Bert Hellinger. With his help, we tried to find a “good solution” for Tatyana. After she had built her internal image of a partnership with a potential spouse with the help of substitutes, the man’s “Deputy” immediately reacted as follows: “I feel somehow uncomfortable here, I want leave,” while Tatiana’s “Deputy” stood and seemed to be looking intently at someone. When entering into the “field” and placing the test figure on the place where “Tatyana’s” gaze was riveted, it immediately became noticeable that there was a rather strong “connection” between them: she looked at “this figure” and in her eyes, filling Tears conveyed both extreme pain and love for this person. To the questions: “What does this picture tell you? And who could be “this figure?” Tatyana said that she lived in a civil marriage for almost six years with a man whom she loved very much. She idolized him and forgave him a lot. But they broke up, and she's been talking about him for two years nowknows nothing. “It seemed to me that I survived the breakup with Sergei and the pain went away, but it turns out...”, Tatyana said with sadness and longing in her voice. After the role of the tested figure was determined, the “stage picture” changed: “Deputies” by Tatyana and Sergei, standing opposite each other, at a fairly close distance, with their heads down, looked intently at one point on the floor. To the question: “What’s wrong with you?”, the “Deputies” answered almost identically, that what they look at connects them very much and is dear to them, but they cannot look at each other. Looking at this scene, the client began to cry and could not calm down for a long time. It turned out that she and Sergei broke up when Tatyana found out about another woman’s pregnancy, and for the same reason she had an abortion. Having taken the place of her “Soul”, the client also could not raise her eyes to “Sergei”. She stood with her head down, and tears rolled down her cheeks. He looked at her with a hint of regret in his eyes. I asked Tatyana to look at “Sergei” and say: “I’ll try to look at this... You don’t owe me anything, and I don’t owe you anything.” A sigh of relief escaped from her chest. “In what happened, there is your part of responsibility, there is also my part of responsibility. But mine is greater... I leave your part of the responsibility to you, and I will bear mine myself. I was a little confused, I thought that you would support me in everything. But you're just a man, you're not a dad. I wanted more from you. Now I admit it." The pain that she herself had “walled up” began to break out... Tears were choking her... Having released the pulsating pain of resentment through anger, Tatyana gradually calmed down. Moving away from “Sergei” two or three steps, she, looking confidently into his eyes, said: “Now I really say goodbye to you. I wish you all the best as a man, as a person. May everything work out for the best for you. Could you wish me happiness? "Yes. “Be happy,” replied “Sergey” and stepped back. “What I gave you, I leave to you,” the client said calmly and, turning away from him, stepped forward. Her soul and heart were open... Sometimes it happens that the invisible threads connecting you with past relationships are so strong that no matter how hard you try, you can’t break them on your own. And then, even reluctantly, you unconsciously remain “in a relationship” with your former partner, since in your system the place of a man is firmly occupied and the chances of building new ones are quite limited. Here we can observe a certain paradox, which is as follows: in order to break the thread of an unfinished relationship most carefully and less painfully, you need to fully accept them, “let them into your heart” and then the Soul will feel better. And acceptance comes through forgiveness. Well, if the heart is tightly closed, the Soul will yearn and become increasingly entangled in a web woven from pain, resentment, and disappointments. Now I will suggest you to do a meditation that may help you “unravel the connecting threads of the web” on your own. So: Take a comfortable position, straighten your back, do not cross your arms and legs, allow the free flow of energy. Focus on your breathing. Air first fills the abdominal cavity, then the chest and lungs. Take a full breath and hold it, and then exhale easily and calmly. Now calmly, without any special effort, take a new breath. Cover your eyes. Imagine that you are in a pleasant, comfortable place where no one can come without your permission. This could be some real place: a sandy shore, a meadow, the edge of a forest, or it could be fictitious, for example, a planet in the solar system that belongs only to you. You feel calm and confident there. Nothing and no one bothers you. You feel good...If you were able to achieve a state of calm, then imagine your pain or resentment in the form of a wound. Where exactly on your body do you think this wound is located? Take a look at it in your mind's eye. Look how it bleeds!