From the author: Night reflections...When we get married or start living together in a civil marriage, this means that we make our choice of a life partner. We say “Yes” to another person with words and deeds. Recently, while consulting various men and women, girls and boys, I began to pay attention to the fact that they often say “yes” to their partners, but in the inner world, in their inner reality - “yes” is not such. And this leads to situations in which the internal is not equal to the external, internal experiences are not congruent with actions and external events. And gradually a split is formed, a splitting of the integral personality. In the relationship, there remains some restraint, an incomplete decision: a person is unable to fully say his “Yes” in relation to another, and the person may not even be fully aware of this. These people actually never really got married: they said “Yes” with their mouths, but they didn’t say it with their hearts. This is how the circumstances developed. We started dating and, unnoticed by ourselves, became involved in a relationship, drawn into a certain way of life. They started dating and, although honestly, not everything was satisfactory in this Other, but since there were no other candidates, and the time to start a family by social standards had already come, they got married. They started dating and somehow got so carried away by the sexual side of the relationship that they forgot about conscious conception, and the unexpected pregnancy of their partner provoked the development of the wedding plot. How many such stories? But life goes on and poses new challenges. It is necessary to give your resources to a growing child - time, energy, money, feelings, and if you didn’t “sign up for this,” then somehow it turns out unfair, and an internal rebellion arises, an internal indignation, from which follows a reluctance to educate your child - “Let they say the school is raising him,” “Nobody raised us and we won’t, they will grow up on their own,” or “Nobody spoiled us, didn’t hug us, but we grew up and became good people,” “The main thing is that there is something to eat, a place to live, and the rest is luxury.” The need to spend every day with this woman, who is called a wife after registering a marriage, and also take care of her needs - “it’s tough, I ought to sort out my own needs!” So ​​a situation arises when a person uses your resources, and is responsible for it doesn't want to. More often than not, this is a mutual situation within the family. And if resources are depleted, but they begin to blame each other and expect the other to take the first step to fill their own deficit of love, tenderness, and care. Where is the source of this so-called “not-completely-decided”? After all, if we say to this person “Yes , you are now my husband,” “Yes, you are now my wife,” then we say “No” to the rest of the potential chosen ones. Perhaps this is scary, perhaps there are doubts about the correctness of your choice - “this is for life!” Perhaps we ourselves do not know what we want from a relationship with another person. And all this leads to the fact that we cannot recognize our choice. This is one of the reasons for creating parallel relationships - persistent love triangles, random betrayals. If you think about what fidelity is? Loyalty is a decision, your own decision to be with this particular person. And if there is no such decision within, your own unambiguous “yes” to your partner does not sound, then loyalty to him is impossible. Where does such uncertainty in a partner and internal doubts “Is this the right person for me?” come from? In many ways, this stems from not knowing one’s needs and desires, from not trusting oneself, from the inability to determine “what do I want from life.” This is a separate topic - how we unlearn to trust ourselves - our bodily sensations, our emotions and feelings. If I love a person, it means that this person is very significant to me, very valuable, and I feel it. He is my treasure, my lover, my beloved. I feel its attraction and importance for me. It is of very high value and we)