A person cannot fundamentally live separately from society (society, which includes: parental family, relatives, kindergarten, school, university, etc.), in other words, the person and the environment his environment is a single organism, a “gestalt”, a structural whole that continuously interacts and mutually influences each other. In relation to the psychology of interpersonal relationships, this means that, on the one hand, we are influenced by the behavior of the people around us, on the other hand, if we change my behavior, then those around me are forced to change. Thus, if I want my environment to change (or someone from my environment), then I start with myself. - How? - I stop the process of ignoring myself, I begin to notice that happens to me at the level of sensations, thoughts and feelings in certain situations, and I begin to interact with the people around me, based on the following factors: suitable, prefer, choose - I approach and reduce the distance; not suitable - I move away or keep my distance at that distance which suits me, or in which I feel comfortable and safe. Awareness of your own boundaries allows you to see, feel and other people’s boundaries, navigate interaction with the environment, and if someone wants, without your knowledge, to climb into your borders or territory and establish their own order there, then be able to say “No” or “STOP” , relying on yourself and your preferences, as mentioned above. When interacting with another person: everyone has every right to ask for what they need, without humiliation or ingratiation. The other person has every right to do you a favor and agree or refuse without feeling guilty. There is another option: everyone has every right to ask for what they need and expect that you will fulfill their request, and at the same time feel satisfaction from what they have acquired, and be upset if they don’t get what they want, knowing that the other has every right to refuse. At the same time, everyone is responsible for the emergence of certain feelings and experiences, and accordingly, is not responsible for the feelings and emotional experiences of another person. You can do a favor for another and agree, but you can also refuse it if it is not about keeping the law or your promises. At the same time, you do not have to suffer from guilt, because you do not have to be good to everyone. In addition, your goodness can turn against you, “Don’t do good, you won’t get evil,” except in those cases when you wanted to do something for someone else unselfishly, without demanding anything in return - just like that! And remember that the concept that you put into your action may look completely different to someone else, not the way you originally imagined, for example: “A person borrows someone else’s money, but has to give him his own.” And then, the one who borrows believes that he is doing good to another, and this is the case, but not always. It also happens that the situation begins to take a completely unexpected turn: in the other it causes envy, hostility, he feels humiliated (“Why am I worse than him?”), etc., and instead of becoming grateful and happy, he takes it for granted, with a feeling of dissatisfaction, hostility and even alienation. The following expression would be appropriate here: “Doing good to an evil person is just as dangerous as doing evil to a good person.” Therefore, in this situation, the most correct decision will be your position as an observer (look at it as if from the outside). And getting an answer to your question: “What role am I doing this from? What is my need behind this? You begin to clearly understand what is happening, and if you do something for someone, you do it consciously, clearly aware of the consequences of what is happening. If you help from a pure heart and have pure thoughts, then regardless of the reaction of the recipient, you stay true to yourself. And if you have a secondary benefit, or, you do it out of a feeling of fear of condemnation, guilt or shame, pity (from top to bottom), and at the other end you.