The topic I want to touch on today is quite difficult. But I do this so that people in a similar situation have a chance to return to a full life. Quite often I have to work with people who have experienced the death of loved ones (children, husband/wife, parents, close friends and other dear people). Sometimes they turn to a completely different issue, and as the work progresses, the true cause of the problem becomes clear. For example, the initial reason for contacting may be: insomnia, apathy, fears, overprotectiveness, an attempt to control the behavior of dear people, etc. For many clients, especially those with symptoms such as insomnia, doctors say “you need a psychologist, because you have no objective reasons for sleep disorders.” And then a client comes to me and says “I can’t sleep, I have insomnia... I’ve taken all kinds of remedies, but the problem is not solved.” And then we begin to find out how long has the problem existed? What happened to the client during that period of his life? And in general, what does he (s) think about when he goes to bed? And then it turns out that most often the problem began when the death of a dear person occurred, and thoughts about him do not leave throughout this time, etc. In such cases, I suggest further work not with insomnia, because... This is a symptom, but with grief, because... this is the reason. To which they answer me “these wounds cannot be healed... I will always remember him (her) and this pain of loss will remain with me forever.” In this connection, I usually explain: 1. Working with grief does not imply causing amnesia in the client. Therefore, you will continue to remember the person, but this memory will be bright. With a feeling of gratitude (perhaps some other warm feelings) for the fact that this person was in your life at all, and perhaps with sadness that he is not here now, but not with unbearable pain. 2. The pain may not be completely removed, but it can be alleviated. It is simply harmful for the person himself when, after 5 years, he cries and suffers for the deceased, as if he passed away yesterday. Ideally, the grieving process goes through all stages within 1 year (for some, a little earlier, for others a little later, but no more than 1.5 years. Much depends on the level of closeness with the deceased during life). Those. it is understood that the person returns to a full life, can talk about the deceased quite calmly, even if tears arise, it is no longer so painful. 3. Sometimes I ask the question: “What do you think, if he (s) (implying the deceased) saw you suffering, would they be pleased? They would want you to live with this pain for the rest of your life ?". Sometimes this question is the impetus for starting work. Because we cry most often for those with whom we had good relationships. And the one who loves does not want suffering for his dear person. If you are reading this and understand that you are in a similar situation: - you are still suffering for that dear person who passed away (and we are no longer talking about 1 year from the date of death); - maybe less than a year has passed since the date of loss, but you want to ease the period of experience and quickly return to a full life; - if it seems to you that this pain will never be relieved, but living like this is unbearable; - you cannot sleep normally, because... constantly think about this person; - you blame yourself for not doing enough to save yourself, not being able to predict events, etc.; - blame those around you (doctors, other loved ones or someone else) for the fact that the person is no longer in this world; - you think that you do not have the right to live well on this earth, because... that person could not recognize all the delights of this life... (The list can be continued for a long time). Contact a psychologist or psychotherapist who works with this topic. Let us have only a bright memory of the people who have passed away. You and I are still given time on this earth, which means we need to live this time, and not be dead while alive. You can do much more of value for others, for yourself, and even something in memory of those who are no longer with us. If you want.