Love was classified as a mental disorder. ICD, paragraph “Disorder of habits and impulses”, number – F63.9. Common symptoms: obsessive thoughts about others, sudden mood swings, inflated self-esteem, self-pity, insomnia, intermittent sleep, rash, impulsive actions, changes in blood pressure, headaches, allergic reactions, obsession syndrome. An absurd, ubiquitous mishmash that can reach still fragile minds and impress young souls, unfortunately, it is already practically built into the paradigm of all kinds of vulgarized love interpretations and services, where everything lofty is secularized and reduced to everyday consumerism. The concepts of falling in love and love are sometimes mixed up, sometimes strangely torn apart, as if one can exist without the other. Falling in love is increasingly associated not with joy and warm feelings, but with nerves, suffering, hysterics and suicide. I believe that those who broadcast such things (especially I have many questions for those who claim a deep spiritual understanding of the world) have never been truly in love in their lives. Otherwise, it is impossible to so affirmatively state that there is no love as such, that there is only love, like work, creativity, feat, serious work, etc., and falling in love is so, neurosis, a short-term disorder at best, and at worst - codependency, psychopathy and other surrogate conditions that require the help of specialists. I admit, it was unexpected to hear from one of the clergy representatives that falling in love is always some kind of benefit, perhaps not fully realized, but nothing more. I will write about the fact that falling in love and CONSUMING are completely different things. Lovers are not “SOZIKS” (codependent), but simply living people. People, because they are able not only to hyperfunction and enjoy their multitasking and success, but also to feel, deeply and humanly. Even falling in love - strong and powerful in terms of the degree of experiences and sensations - does not fit the definition of a mental disorder, and even more so love! Love is the creation of two, and the art of love needs to be learned throughout your life, like any other art. The magnificent Erich Fromm wrote about this very well in his work “The Art of Loving.” But what is the basis of love? Is just one conscious desire, a balanced decision, a well-thought-out and planned action enough? I think not. I assume that my opinion may turn out to be true, because truth is WHO, not what. Let's figure it out. No true love can be built without falling in love. Of course, falling in love exists, and it is not a neurosis, not OCD, no pain here, it’s about something else. Let's think about when two healthy, whole, self-sufficient people fall in love with each other. Sometimes they fall in love so unexpectedly and suddenly that it is not only unprofitable, but, in principle, inopportune, inappropriate and useless. Falling in love is a feeling that, like God’s dew, descends on a person, on two people. Nobody asks you whether you want it or not, whether it’s convenient for you now. This is a gift that should be taken for granted, and, of course, nothing should be expected from it; there are no benefits here and cannot be. You can't expect anything from gifts. And only from this high feeling can true love take place. Falling in love is a very providential stage in life, without which it is impossible to come to true love between a man and a woman. I see that without falling in love you can simply get married for profit or get married, conveniently, under a contract, because that’s what your parents said in order to give birth, so that like everyone else, because it’s time, etc. You can build a strong union that everyone will envy, create a wonderful exemplary family, but alas, love is unlikely to happen in it. It will be good, very acceptable, but without love. I believe that it will be possible to live in deep respect, affection and gratitude for each other, but without love. It will never be possible to create it if it did not existthat notorious chemistry, there’s just nothing from it. Calculating, pragmatic and far-sighted people believe that it will be better than those “soziks” and “dopamine junkies”. Maybe yes. Surely it won't be worse? Probably no. Calmly, faithfully, correctly and without shocks - just like Fermina and Juvenal from Marquez’s story about “Love in the Time of Plague.” It’s not about good or bad, no, it’s everyone’s choice, you can, of course, have a normal healthy relationship. Why not. A person is free to choose. It sometimes happens that there is nothing to choose from; not everyone is given it. Just don’t devalue and turn into banter something that you never had. By the way, about chemistry and symptoms. It is widely believed that hormones such as dopamine and serotonin, phenylethylamine, endorphins, adrenaline and norepinephrine, oxytocin and vasopressin take part in the formation of falling in love. Well, okay, the “dopamine joys” of lovers are really similar in strength to drug addicts, alcoholics, etc. There’s just one small nuance: the former have a chemical effect on the body, but what about lovers? How is it that, out of all the billions of people, she somehow chooses him and begins to think about him, and he about her? Moreover, this choice is not at all dictated solely by physiology. Some kind of great mystery that is incomprehensible to the mind is happening, otherwise it is difficult for me to explain the phenomenon of falling in love. Attempts to decompose the inexplicable into a score are not impressive. How is it possible that with just the thought of each other, lovers suddenly begin to produce this same dopamine, providing a strong hormonal shock. What is this? I'll rephrase the question. Who is this? My answer is God. Why is this? But here it happens differently, but definitely according to providence. Mostly for salvation. Having fallen in love, people can no longer imagine life without each other and begin to create love, creating a space suitable for it called seven, where gradual and careful de-idealization occurs, the depth of a person in all its manifestations is revealed. The family becomes a hospital. This is a wonderful way of salvation. One of the possible ways of becoming human. Falling in love passes - love is born. Falling in love is bestowed by the Lord to save a person from temptation. While a person is in love, he is, to some extent, protected from running away into all the bad things. There are no others, there is he or she - and this is wonderful. Especially if falling in love leads to affairs of love. But this does not always happen. Difficult experiences appear when continuing to fall in love is impossible. This is where there is a danger of getting stuck if you don’t quite understand why it’s all for. What will help? Firstly, you don’t need to be afraid, you need to let yourself be in this state. You can’t suppress it, you won’t be able to run away either, because there will be a desire to sublimate, displace, replace, drink down, seize, drown out. The psyche will look for a replacement. It is forbidden. I repeat, you need to experience, live, realize, accept and try to understand, not why, but why did this happen? It is known that you can survive any “How?” if you understand the “Why?” (F. Nietzsche). Reflection, introspection, powerful inner work, prayer, repentance (from the Greek metanoia - change of mind). A person with internal support is able to walk this path, albeit with worries and loss of appetite, but without despondency and hysterics. Secondly, when you don’t have enough resources or feel like they’re at their limit, you can talk to friends. If you are embarrassed to talk about it with friends, you can write. Only in such a way as not to re-read and enjoy it, not to revel in the impossibility of dreams, falling into self-pity. I sat down, wrote, poured out all the weight - the paper did not turn red, tore it into small pieces, threw it in the trash and went about my daily business. By the way, even with the most dramatic and tragic falling in love, at least in its early stages, people are able to create and contemplate, and this is wonderful! If suddenly you don’t want anything at all, and you are “shaking” strongly and truly, there is a persistent feeling that nothing is helping, you can see a psychologist, only one who will not start stroking your back.fur, but will help you honestly understand the meaning of what is happening and ultimately answer the question: “Why?” Why is mutual love given to the young and free - understandable, wonderful, incredible, delightful and wonderful! But why does it appear when it’s impossible at all? Alas, there are also a lot of such stories. I thought about this difficult question for a long time and tried to answer, again through a Christian worldview, probably sometimes so that people could feel alive again and continue to live, and not live out. But here it is very important to make a reservation that if for a person in adulthood, the only way to feel alive is to constantly fall in love and fall into a state of flight, then here we are already dealing with other states. After all, there are so many other ways that help us live our lives fully, sensually and tangibly. Sometimes, an unexpected and unexpected feeling comes as a chance to change that life, which “rattles like a handcar, but could fly like a moth,” to get out of that quagmire in which a person is stuck as if in a deep rut, dying himself and destroying his neighbors. Sometimes, to understand where the gold is and where the copper is. Perhaps as a test or as a way to escape, or perhaps it is during this period of life that you become an individual, you are put on the path of spiritual and moral choice. It is in this situation and in how you resolve all this that the pattern of your soul emerges. I admit such thoughts. It probably doesn’t sound very plausible to the modern reader, but I will assume that during the period of falling in love, healthy people do not think, first and foremost, and only about physical intimacy. Therefore, I would not reduce the feeling of falling in love to fornication, vice and passions. Let me remind you that I write all the time about a real feeling that occurs at some other, inexplicable frequencies. In this case, happiness is simply being nearby, at least for a short time. Unconditional happiness, without expecting anything in return. All your worries are not about yourself, but about the fact that the person dear to you lives a long and prosperous life, and everything is wonderful for him. It seems to me that a truly, and not neurotically, person in love generally thinks little of himself, as a victim of insoluble circumstances. At this moment, perhaps, one of the best in his life, he, on the contrary, wishes all the best to the one who somehow and without permission entered the heart. Sincere love does not “pupate”, but gives a feeling of verticality. It happens - and the person already flies and soars up: he composes poems and songs, writes masterpiece paintings or works that become world bestsellers. It cannot be denied that when realizing the impossibility of dreams, it may be bitter, and scary, and offensive, and painful. But this can also be solved. You need to constantly learn to treat life situations as tasks, not problems. With deep internal work on yourself, sooner or later there comes a stage of gratitude for everything, including the fact that you managed to live this wonderful state, to touch some incomprehensible secret. Suffering and banging your head against the wall is not a healthy feeling. The choice to rejoice and contemplate, to create and share one’s fullness - this is what comes to a person through falling in love. Wonderful condition, incredible, cosmic! Not neurosis, of course not. I dare to say that if you happen to truly fall in love at least once in your life, you can already consider yourself a happy person, but if you were given a mutual and possible feeling in its continuation, then you are happy in the cube. Thus, I suggest leaving falling in love alone and do not confuse the sublime with the everyday, do not try to reduce the metaphysical to animal instincts and vicious passions. That's my main message. We must respect and take care of everything that is given by the Lord God. You cannot despair, you need to live this state with gratitude, not be afraid of your feelings and emotions. Even if they are contradictory, they scream at you because you are alive, and this is the main thing. If you are tragically and unacceptably in love - trust God and do nothing, your heart will calm down, sharp (1964)