The girl is in season Like a bear in the yard It howls and roars The old man doesn’t let him sleep (South Russian recitative) Expanding spoiler text Why do children suddenly become stronger than us? “I can’t cope with him!” “He sat on our heads!” “She’s making ropes out of us!” Any relationship has a purpose. The goal of the parent-child relationship is to help the dependent and dependent to become independent and independent. The one who is independent is the one in charge! At the beginning of this relationship, we serve the child. His weakness is his power over his parents. Nature and culture program the parent to fulfill the wishes of the “little manipulator.” We cook him porridge, dress him and entertain the capricious “king”. But in fact, it completely belongs to us! We manage his life, we determine it. Developmental paradox. As soon as he begins to do this on his own (Don’t command me! Leave me alone!), from the age of 8, he is no longer a child. And an inexperienced adult with infantile habits. And with a request to learn adult relationships. And in adult relationships, the primacy of one person over another is determined by what? Right! Responsibility. Where does the boss get it from? Either he is a tyrant, or we gave it away ourselves because we need him to do something for us. He has something that we don’t have yet. If there is knowledge, we endow it with the power of a Mentor and go to him as disciples. If he has a job, we give him the power of the Employer and go to work for him. Let's go ourselves. Voluntarily. And we give part of our energy - we pay for training, we work for a salary. Take and give. Here prepubescent parents have 3 roads: 🔸 Either parents with the New Adult (Ivan the Tsarevich, but also the Fool) create a new structure of relationships. !The old one is officially cancelled. The new one is determined by the fact that parents, in principle, do not need anything from this person - they cope with their lives themselves. And for the first time he must determine what he needs himself. And determine your contribution for the support of parents. Parents stop “wanting” for him.🔸 Or parents want to remain dependent on the “little” child (what if they themselves are dependent and don’t know what to do with their lives!). Then they continue to cover all the needs of the “Kid” by default. And they begin to live with a selfish tyrant endowed with inadequate power. Either the parents want to remain in charge forever (what if control is their only dopamine) Then they destroy the New Adult’s self-esteem - they don’t trust him, don’t cooperate, suppress, limit him. They ignore his needs, replacing them with their own. They force you to do it for yourself, but under the slogan “We are trying for you.” A healthy child will increasingly sabotage this or become sick in order to be complimentary to his parents. It is easier, of course, to manage and negotiate with someone who has voluntarily given you power over himself. And not all of it, but only in that part where he himself is still incapacitated. And he honestly pays a voluntary contribution, bearing partial responsibility for his growing up. And so on until the age of 14. Because 14 is an experienced adult. And the demand from him is different. This is more of a partner than a mentee. This is already a separation launching pad. The rocket was built by the child himself, his personal fuel was filled into the tanks, the parents only pay for the rent of the cosmodrome))) Children must become stronger than us. But not in our lives, but in theirs.