From the author: The article was published on my blog “Thinking errors or conversations for awareness” Continuing the topic “Tension as a way to get to know yourself,” let’s look at how you can reach your belief that tension causes using an example work of the center group “Conscious Attention”. Irina: I woke up on Saturday in a good mood. In the morning, when I was cleaning the apartment, I turned on the TV and watched a movie. The movie turned out to be depressing. I thought everything would end well, but it ended badly. I didn’t understand why I felt depressed, but my strength suddenly disappeared. And she began to get irritated, I noticed from the tension. The question arose: “Why would this suddenly happen?” The morning was full of energy. I walked and thought: “Everything seems to be fine. Why am I suddenly? It seems like we should invite guests, but I don’t want to. It seems like I need to play with the child, but I’m not in the mood. It seemed like I was watching such a good film... And then I realized that the film was not good at all. I hoped that I would like it, the actors played well, but it turned out that the film was depressing and that made everything worse for me. When I saw this, I went, took a contrast shower, lay in the bathroom, and by evening everything seemed to be back to normal. Tatyana: What attracted you to the film? Irina: I don’t know, but I hate to talk about it. Tatyana: Do you feel tension? Irina: Yes, and I don’t understand why. But I wouldn’t like to talk about my life now. Tatyana: But for some reason you said it. This means there is an internal demand. We involuntarily begin to compare the story of the film with our life, with our idea of ​​how it should be. If we didn’t see the way we wanted, then tension and a feeling of irritation or disappointment appear. Irina: I didn’t finish watching this film. I already understood where this was going, there won’t be any unexpected endings. I'm tired of all these tragedies. Only after I took a shower did I realize that life was completely normal. And when I got the film out of my head, everything fell into place. But I dug for a long time, wondering why I suddenly had this. Tatyana: It’s your choice here – to deal with this or not. But since you talked about it, it means that not everything in you has calmed down and it still worries you. If desired, this information can be used to find the belief that does not make you feel comfortable. Of course, you can brush it off, it was yesterday, but since the conviction was not brought to consciousness, then somewhere else, you will encounter it again and again go into a depressed state. Nikolai: Well, Irina didn’t watch the film to compare how things were in her life. Tatyana: Naturally! Irina just has a belief that is not conscious and it came into confrontation with the narrative of the film. Somewhere inside herself she wanted her belief to be confirmed, but this did not happen. Irina: This is a generalization, some kind of holistic understanding of yours. Tatyana: Yes, of course, you don’t want to talk specifically, you speak in general, and I’m giving you the same explanation. Nikolai: As I understand it, Tatyana accepts the ending either way, so she doesn’t emotionally depend on the ending of the film. Tatyana: Something like that. Imagine a film where a person does some good and then this good is rewarded to him. And suddenly at the end of the film he is not rewarded with kindness... Irina: The film was about how people fell in love with each other in childhood, then due to circumstances they separated. And it seems they should return to each other. But in the end they have a bummer after a bummer, she dies, and then he dies, unable to bear her death. Everyone died and there were only tears throughout the entire film. So what kind of movie is this? I would understand if it were like this: I suffered and suffered, sought and achieved my goal. Tatyana: Did you have an expectation: he kept pushing and pushing, and, in the end, achieved his goal? Irina: Yes, if a person goes towards his goal, then he must achieve it. Tatyana: So you said the most important thing: the film showed you that this belief of yours does not work and therefore you experienced tension and entered a state of irritation. Whereveryou will be faced with the fact that someone should achieve something and does not achieve something (including you), you will experience irritation and suffering. You have a strict attitude: if you achieve, you will achieve. Irina: I don’t have the feeling that you will achieve it, I have the feeling that if a film is being made about how people achieve their goal, then why bother? Tatyana: Why did you decide that the film was about this? Maybe he did it on purpose to break it off. It may not always be necessary to achieve your goal. Key word: achieve. You fight, you fight, you waste all your strength... There is another question: why are you going towards the goal? If there is a bummer everywhere, then it might be better to think about whether you need to go specifically towards this goal? Or maybe it's just the wrong way? Irina: He continued to walk, but the woman retreated. And he couldn't survive it. There is a certain standard of how it should be and I'm used to it. Tatyana: All our perception is based on our internal beliefs, whether we are aware of them or not. And we try to adjust reality to our idea. Irina: Then it turns out that I need to give up this belief? Tatyana: Not really. If you could give it up so easily, then something else would take its place. And this is a change from one problem to another. Life, it leads us by itself, and we always get what we need for that moment at the right moment. But it's difficult to accept. We want certainty, guarantee, so we have an idea of ​​how it should be, and we begin to fight for this idea. This is exactly what we want, but life doesn’t give it to us, and we begin to struggle. Irina: And this struggle, which takes all your strength. Tatyana: Yes. But in the end, when we get what we fought for, it may turn out that this is not what we really wanted or seemed to be, but we didn’t get pleasure, the costs turned out to be unproductive. The situation is this: if you encounter constant obstacles, then either you have the wrong goal, or you are going the wrong way. Irina: Everything seems logical, but how can this be translated into a film? Tatyana: Maybe they didn't need to be together. Very often people break up. And then - “I can’t live without him anymore,” etc. But some time passes and another person appears in life, namely yours, but he came later. And then again suffering - “I lived for so many years with my first one, I suffered so much, lost years,” and then I met such a person! And the most interesting thing is that he would not have appeared in life if there had not been a separation and understanding, at least, that you DON’T WANT. And having the experience of past relationships, you already understand that you don’t want to repeat it and won’t allow it to happen. Often people come together because of great love-passion, when the mind is completely turned off, but such love passes very quickly, and everyday life begins. And if you know what you want, and at the same time your feelings for the person coincide, then you will cherish all this and will not allow a breakup. Nikolai: I can explain this figuratively. An acquaintance of mine said this to a girl from whom a young man, whom she considered her half of an apple, had left: “And maybe you are not an apple, but an orange.” And if she changes her point of view, then it will not bother her that the young man has left. Orange, so orange. Look for half an orange. The same thing turns out that Irina watched the film from the position that they are two halves of an apple. And she didn't like him. Tatyana: Well, yes. You can say that. I wanted to talk about apples, but I saw about an apple and an orange. This is how it works out in life, we either go and “get on the horn”, get some bumps, or we are in the flow, we caught a wave, rode it, and received strength from it. We limit ourselves with our beliefs, so we strive to get the same experience, and if we don’t get it, we either reject it (what a bad movie!) or get stuck in negative emotions. ================================ Irina now has an experience where, with a lot of effort, the goal is not achieved. It’s good that she didn’t run away from him, but brought it up for discussion. Instead of blaming someone like we do.