A friend borrowed money, and now “forgets” to pay it back? A colleague asked for help, and had to stay late at work? Relatives asked to visit, and now you are standing helpless at the stove? What do these situations have in common? What you could have said NO, but didn’t they said. Why?🔻 Social desirability. Society extols self-sacrifice and helping others.🔻 Childhood experience: Parents encouraged obedience and did not give choice. “How come you don’t want to go dig beds?! There is such a word MUST!”.🔻 The desire to be “good.” “Love me, love me. If I’m not needed and useful, then why love me?”.🔻 Ignorance of your own needs. You waste time and resources on other people’s requests, but you don’t have enough time for yourself. So, should everyone be selfish now?! Where is the mutual assistance?! Calm down! I have a great attitude towards helping each other. But only it must come from a state of abundance (God forgive me😅), resourcefulness, fullness and desire to help. And not out of self-sacrifice, guilt or shame. Learning to say NO: 🔹 Track your feelings. If it’s shame and guilt that suddenly came out of nowhere, you’re most likely being manipulated. There is a post on how to reflect manipulation.🔹 Take a pause. You are more likely to agree when there is no time to think. All sellers who have “Only the last 3 hours a 99% discount, and then it will cost a hundred thousand miles” use this. You can take a pause with the words: “I can’t give you an answer right away, I need to think.”🔹 If possible, after a pause, answer in writing. It’s much easier to say NO in correspondence.🔹 Select phrases in advance that will be comfortable for you when refusing. For example: 📌 “It’s a pity that you are in such a situation, but I really can’t help you now.”📌 “I want to help you, but I have a lot to do right now.”📌 “This doesn’t suit me.”🔹 Practice these phrases in front of the mirror. The first times it will be strange and uncomfortable, you may feel feelings of shame or guilt in your body. But by the 20th time it will be easier. By the age of 50, you can even feel a slight, pleasant aggression and excitement 😉 You know how to say NO?