Sometimes it seems to me that “psychologist” is not the most understandable name for this profession - another word would better reflect the process. I would rename myself “explainer” - this is a more accurate reflection of the essence of the work in certain aspects 👌😄It just so happens that in the post-Soviet space, parents often consider accusations to be the most “reliable” way to get the desired behavior from a child. This is what almost each of us heard many times in our childhood - “why is it a four, and not an A?", "Stop suffering from bullshit, go study better!", "You're no help!" etc. and so on. Over time, thanks to a mental process called “interiorization,” this swearing from external gradually becomes our own, internal. And it is reproduced by us independently, sometimes as if by itself. It would seem that for a long time now the harmful little Russian has not stood over our souls, scolding us for every uneven letter - “like a chicken with its paw!” And in general, school is long behind us. But still, every time a person sees his handwriting, or simply at the slightest clumsiness, he reprimands himself - “what a bungler! Hands are in the wrong place!” So, as a result of upbringing, the figure of the “Accuser” is formed in the psyche - we can even visualize it, what it looks like, and in whose voice it speaks. External accusations “grow” into us so much that they become, as it were, an independent mental function. Because all these phrases were repeated so many times that they “stuck” inside. The unconscious has learned them by heart, and not knowing any other way to handle itself, turns them like an old organ-organ over and over again. And now, as adults, former children do not know any other way to treat themselves other than accusation. And this “Accuser” causes much more problems than it is worth. And although it may seem to us that this is how we motivate ourselves to become better (that’s exactly what our parents thought when scolding us!) - but in fact, this is just putting a spoke in our own wheels. From constant self-accusation:❌ Self-esteem falls❌ Contact with yourself is lost - our real desires and capabilities❌ Relationships with loved ones are deteriorating - we cannot be truly careful with others if we don’t know how to be careful with ourselves❌ Strength and desire to do anything disappear. Usually this is where my work begins - neutralizing the “Accuser”, and replacing him with “Explainer” 👌How this happens - just as many times my interlocutor has heard accusations from not very psychologically savvy educators - just as many times he hears refutations of these accusations from me. And accordingly, he gradually internalizes my words - and learns to treat himself differently 👌 My task is to pay attention when a person scolds himself for nothing, devalues ​​himself. And show a different strategy, a new way to treat yourself - find out the real motives of your behavior, and come to an agreement with yourself. Don’t force the desired behavior out of yourself, but find resources for it so that you don’t have to force yourself. “No, what you just said is not stupid. And it’s not stupid. And this is also an absolutely normal reaction. Now you have accused yourself of this behavior, although you could not do otherwise - your action had a very specific reason (for example) five minutes ago you said that you were tired then, then how could you have acted differently? "A new treatment strategy is built from such conversations over and over again. with oneself, and the internal “Accuser” gradually shrinks and is replaced by an “Explainer” - who is ready to consider the situation and a person’s actions not from a position of guilt, but from a position of reality. When the “Accuser” is replaced by an “Explainer”:✅ Self-esteem becomes stable✅ Relationships with others (and with yourself) become warmer ✅ The right to make mistakes appears - and with it the strength for self-expression ✅ There is an opportunity to test reality and calmly change your behavior, because guilt no longer blocks this process And over time, this figure too receives its appearance in the psyche and becomes kind