All her adult life she was used to feeling like a child. So convenient. She's comfortable. Not reliable, but familiar. She planned to gradually move from the category of a child in the family to the category of wife-daughter. I chose the wrong ones, really. Those men who are satisfied with such relationships are usually aged or house builders, but she wanted a young, handsome man (indeed, she should not take into account the personal characteristics of an elderly man, his state of health, as well as be completely subordinate to the young owner, not adapt to everyone ) and clearly not a demanding owner. - I look at him and am wildly horrified by what he is doing! No, you answer me, how can this be?! How can he consider himself a man? He had to support me and our son, he had to spend all his time with us. I, as a woman, had to cook food and keep the house clean, and not go to work. He's a drunk and a womanizer! This is my first one, but the second one turned out no better. True, at least there was love, but this... They made a fictitious marriage, he had nowhere to live... I regretted it! On his own head... He promised to be the master of the house, because he understands that an agreement is an agreement, I helped him out like that. And what????! Looks like he's not a drunk...Pause. Quite a long pause. This woman is over forty. She looks no older than 38-40, and when you see her for the first time, the thought arises that in front of you is either an overgrown teenager, awkwardly dressed and beaten by life, or a young, unkempt woman. And this thought is strangely surprising. How was she able to preserve herself so well, with this approach to herself and this style of thinking? No matter how much you talk to her, no matter what topics the conversation is on, you will never hear a kind word about anyone or anything. Not a single positive assessment from anyone or anything. Claims, displeasure, extreme indignation over any insignificant and unimportant matter. And in the eyes there is fear and anticipation of troubles, pain and emptiness. At the physiological level - severe stiffness, tightness, noticeable tremors. It looks like a ruffled frozen bird caught on a twig that is about to break off. But the fear of opening her paws does not allow her to remember that she is alive and can fly, even if she has not practiced it for a long time. “So be it. The twig was broken, but it still supported me, and I clung to it so tightly. She is the only thing I have in my life,” as if her body speaks for her. - Please describe what he is like, the man of your dreams? A nervous laugh, a not entirely healthy sparkle in the eyes. - Are you seriously? What kind of man? What dream? Yes, I can’t look at them, let alone dream about someone! Why do I need it? I was in a lot of pain, I was in a lot of pain for a very long time. I tried to try to improve my life... with someone. No, don’t think, I didn’t have a company of them. Three men, three in total, in a lifetime. The first husband is legitimate, ex, from whom he has a son. The second one is fictitious (laughs), defective, and the third one... I didn’t think that it would hurt the most when he betrayed. - And how did he betray? - Like all of them. Like everyone else, so do I, every time it’s the same story. They're all womanizers. We are all bad and are looking for happiness on the side. No, he actually didn’t want to leave... I didn’t want to give birth to him, why would he create poverty? Without me, loving and compassionate people cope well with this. But I understand that this is a clinic. Where to give birth?! From whom?! Although his son is not a retarded drunk, like his father, she beat the crap out of him, raised him, raised him to be a man... - Did your first husband initially dislike you? And did you immediately understand that he had an intellectual disability coupled with alcohol addiction? A long pause and the first meaningful surprise in his eyes. - What does this have to do with it? And that’s not the point anymore. It’s just that the third one offered to live with two families. He loves me, but wants a child. It was there that the whore alone became pregnant by him, gave birth to him, and thought she would keep her. Well, that was not the case. How many tears I shed! Everyone cried her eyes out! But he still didn’t leave, rushed between us, but then I gathered my strength and that’s it... Another long pause. - The woman who».