From the author: About unsolicited adviceWhat happened to a traveler once? Imagine this picture. A man is walking along the road. He's been walking for a long time, he's tired, he's thirsty. To get a drink and replenish his water supplies, he knocked on the nearest house. And the hosts turned out to be hospitable and hospitable. They immediately invite you to the table, pour wine, place pickles in front of him, begin to introduce him to other guests, and offer to drink to the health of all those present and to the health of the relatives of all those present. And then have another snack, and another drink, and another snack... However, our traveler still has a long way to go and needs to arrive by a certain time, and he doesn’t want pickles. During the trip I got used to simple food and clean water. Out of politeness, he drank a glass of wine, ate the food he offered and got up to leave. He reminds him that he should fill his flask with clean water. The owners persuade him to stay, but our hero is adamant - it’s time to go. And in response, he was accused of ingratitude, of inability to appreciate what he was given. The entire festive feast is indignant that such a fool dared to refuse the benefits offered. As a result, our traveler barely left this seemingly generous and hospitable house, cursing that he had even come here at all. Without water... Do you think that this cannot happen? I dare to assure you that it happens regularly. Just instead of hospitable hosts, place hunters who give advice, savers of souls, who love to guide everyone who asks for the smallest thing on the true path. Well, how? It seems like this? The Internet space is especially generous with such advisers and hospitable distributors of free help. I think that every person has found himself in similar situations, when from “I want to help you”, “I wish you well”, “I have pure intentions” "I want to run to the ends of the world. Unsolicited advice and unsolicited help is one of the forms of violating personal boundaries. For those who recognize themselves in the heroes of history. One way or another, each of us finds ourselves in the place of the traveler from my story, when on the way to the goal I need help from people around me. To reduce the likelihood of invasion of boundaries by “benefactors,” you need to pay attention to such points. The better you understand what you want from a person and the more clearly you formulate your need for a request, the greater the likelihood of getting exactly what you need. Formulate your request is a request, and not a demand (unless, of course, you had a preliminary agreement and the person is shirking from fulfilling his part of the contract). The person you are addressing has every right to refuse you, regardless of how you feel about him. And you have every right to refuse what is offered if you suddenly don’t like what they give. The more you are open to contacts with different people and maintain these relationships, the more opportunities you have to get people’s help. If you suddenly recognize yourself in hospitable hosts and you often come across a situation where your sincere advice and impulses to help are devalued, then think about this. Help is accepted easily when nothing is required in return. If you want to receive approval/recognition/good attitude or something else in return, then say person that you want to make a deal. It is better to ask again what exactly the person wants from you and evaluate your ability to satisfy the request, than later, when you have already spent your time and energy, to face the rejection of your help. You have every right to refuse help, regardless of the degree of closeness with the person, if you don’t want or can’t help. Important: the person you decide to help has every right to refuse your sincere impulse without explanation and has every right not to be grateful to you for the rest of his life for your help. If If you have any questions or want to understand your individual situation, I invite you to my office for a consultation. What else can you read on this topic: “Yes” and “No” and personal boundaries Sovereignty and personal boundaries. VideoThe Great and Powerful and ManipulationPro