Not so long ago I read a most brilliant parable. They designed the lunar rover and still could not complete it. Everything rested on the surface of the Moon: some scientists said that the moon was solid, while others said that it was covered with dust and the lunar rover, therefore, would fall 10 meters into the soil. So they argued. And the deadlines were pressing. At the same time, the supporters of the theory of the rocky moon even had more arguments, and the calculations and calculations were somehow more convincing, but the matter remained at that point. Korolev stood up at one of the discussions. “So, there are supporters that the soil is solid . Pumice, pebbles, granite - it doesn’t matter. Solid. So we will assume so. - But Sergei Pavlovich - there were opponents in the hall - how can one make such conclusions based on abstract reasoning that is not confirmed by anything? After all, this is nothing more than speculation! And, note: none of them is ready to sign their conclusions! - All you need is a signature? Okay... Korolev took the notebook, tore out a piece of paper and wrote: “The moon is solid” and signed: “S. P. Korolev “After a short time, the project was approved with the wheels that we all know now. Why such a long introduction? Think about it: what is the difference between a family and a lunar rover project? There are at least two sides who somehow imagine the future, life, how this unit of society should function. But at the same time, what’s strange is that in important and everyday decisions, with an unclear outcome, two adults stand in a stupor, unable to take responsibility, to say: “Let’s do it this way, I said.” There is no distribution of roles in the family, no understanding of who has what competencies. Often in such couples it all comes down to manipulation, pressure and fear. Who intimidated, squeezed, deceived whom. Naturally, for such spouses, the “lunar rover” does not work out, since there is neither a plan for the construction of a lunar rover of happiness, nor a head who would sign off on which wheels to ride on to this happiness. Moreover, a model with one person responsible in one area or another is neither does not in any way cancel the voting rights of other participants in the process of family life. But the final decision lies with the person responsible and, no matter what others say, no matter what the result is, the person responsible does not receive any sanctions, except for objective consequences. It sounds strange, since it has long been ingrained in our heads that a woman always double-checks and, if anything happens, will always tell and scold, or somehow put pressure on a man, as well as vice versa. I often hear from clients about this: “how will he know that he was mistaken? That’s what he will do!” The absence of sanctions from an equal partner teaches balanced decisions, responsibility and understanding that your well-being depends on you, including that no mother will come to clean things up for you, but she will not punish you more than the reaction of the surrounding world. The opposite situation, with constant a controller in the form of a spouse leads to the accumulation of tension, specifically in child-parent relationships, since the partner is not responsible for your mistake, he did not take part in the implementation of the goal, in the discussion it seems that the implementer had the last word, but for some reason the partner has the right to blame and “dance on the bones.” Ideally, one should act as in the parable of the Queen: one person takes responsibility, while the others are deprived of the right to judge or blame him after the goal is achieved. Express an opinion, point out mistakes, discuss what to do next time - yes, remember, conceal or keep an ace up your sleeve - no. Everything is spoken out immediately and specifically - an idea, a suspicion, a forecast - all at once, or as at a wedding: “either he will say it now or take his knowledge to the grave.” Unfortunately, this model for families is in most cases only theoretical in nature and is successfully applied in business and science, but I hope the analogy with the lunar rover will be useful to someone.