Sometimes something unpredictable, unexpected and scary will happen. Such that you remember it forever, scroll through it in your head, repeat it and involuntarily try to do everything so as not to encounter it again. Even at the cost of actions that could help you. What, for example? The death of a loved one can be powerful and scary. At any age, but especially in childhood. Let’s assume this happened right after you had a fight and you yelled at him for the first time because you were unhappy, but you didn’t have time to make peace. And now, many years later, it is also difficult for you to be dissatisfied, and even more so to say about it, despite the fact that sometimes it is necessary. You are scared. The fear has remained from that moment, although you were not to blame for anything. But children always think that the world was created only for them, that they can influence every event that happens in it and there is nothing else. This is magic, magical thinking. For a child to think this way is normal, even good. This stage helps you become self-confident, learn to navigate the world, believe in good things, but sometimes it fails. And it’s difficult to say that something is unpleasant for you. Because somewhere inside that little boy or girl still believes that that misfortune was his fault: he was punished because he behaved badly and if he does it again, something terrible will happen again. Or there are unpleasant, inconvenient and shameful events that repeat themselves day after day, week after week, year after year. Bullying at school, domestic violence (not only spanking, but also humiliation, doubt). And every day is literally filled with fear and anticipation - what, what will happen today? It seems that this is nothing, you can be patient, “I’ll grow up and leave,” but you have to wait a long time, so long that you no longer remember what you were like before when you decided to be patient and now you don’t know how to get out of this, and is it necessary? Let's say one day you got into a new class. It so happened that the parents decided to move. And they decided it, of course, without you. They said different things about the new school, and everything immediately went wrong. You walked into class, said a few words about yourself, but suddenly someone suddenly started laughing. And then the whole class. And for some reason, this suddenly made everything much worse. And the second week continues - you are constantly reminded of this. And it could all be due to the fact that the one who laughed first was angry, he just wanted to throw it out somewhere, make a joke, and then everything got out of control. But you don’t know about this, and you don’t even think about it. You decide what to do in you and fall silent so as not to say something like that again. And never tell anyone about yourself again. This happens often. We stop talking about ourselves, asking for help, stopping openly expressing our opinions because of events that hurt us. They are closely intertwined with each other inside, as if one necessarily follows from the other. But you know, each of these events is actually unique. For this to happen, many, many different factors came into play. Yes, it’s normal to be sad and worry about it. But this can be fixed. You can review it again, with your adult, different, non-magical gaze, live and throw out the emotions that turned out to be unexpressed then - scream, cry, get angry, say that you are sorry. A psychologist has many ways and techniques for this, if no one else can do this. And become free from this. And start talking again.*** Polina Merkusheva, clinical psychologist (psychoanalytic approach), +79523388942, [email protected] If you liked the material, please click “Say thanks”»!