From the author: This is my first publication of this kind. I’m starting to share my experience). The opinion of specialists is interesting. A brief history of the request. The parents of an 8-year-old girl turned to me for psychological help, who, in their opinion, could not control her body, behavior and mood. This manifested itself in sloppiness (she could turn over or throw what was on the table onto the floor and did not see this as a problem); forgetfulness; switching attention from important to secondary tasks; using elements of unguided play while eating, dressing, learning; lack of parental authority. But the girl could spend hours doing creative work (drawing, sculpting, appliqué), composing fairy tales, playing “her” games with a construction set, and happily playing board games and dancing with her mom and dad. In this family, household responsibilities were distributed between all family members, and when the girl began to do something, the mother had to clean up in double volume what had spilled, broken, or turned over as a result of her daughter’s help. After clarifying the family situation, the parents wanted to find out the true reasons for their daughter’s uncontrollable behavior. Dad, mom and girl began to look for the answer to the question: “What suits me and doesn’t suit me in life?” The author’s technique “Compromise in the Family” together for parents and children (Metaphorical cards “Habitat”) Asked to openly select 2 cards that would show internal states: “I feel good living” and “I feel bad living.” The analysis of the cards began with a negative state, so that it would be easier to later correct it with a positive card. 1 2 3The girl named the card “Eruption” and talked about the state she gets into during disappointment from clumsiness, bad grades at school and cannot get out of it on her own. She claimed that the eruption ends when her mother hugs her. Her mother called the card “Hurry” and talked about how she loses the feeling of life when she rushes to her goal. At this moment, she does not feel anything and thinks only about how to relax and not rush anywhere after the end of the case. Until a new goal appears...Dad couldn’t give a name to the situation on the map for a long time. At first he spoke about the threat to the planet’s ecology, then about the state of his health, and thus the name “Heaviness of Breathing” was born. As a result of spiral analysis, it turned out that this state was inherent in him during work. There he considers himself a bird losing light and filling with darkness and heaviness. But he didn’t even think about the fact that all this dirt was brought home from work unchanged. The man believed that this condition would remain unchanged until retirement. During the analysis, he said that gaps occur during vacations and weekends, and when summing up the work with the map, he saw that it was not so dark and the bird could have a light state every day after finishing work. 1 2 3 The girl named the positive card “Joy” and said that frogs are her friends and parents. It became clear that the girl considered her mom and dad to be friends, but not parents who could punish and should educate. Therefore, during the “educational process,” she could, with a slight movement of her hand, throw mom and dad’s frogs aside so that they would not interfere with her joy. The volcano state appeared when the discarded frogs turned into parents and wanted to establish role order. The positive state of the mother acquired the name “Calmness”. She said that such immersion in water is being at peace with oneself, accepting oneself and showing tenderness, femininity, and kindness. And she begins to run after her goals when her daughter becomes a volcano and heats the water of the lake (in which she is located) to the boiling point. WomanI realized another reason for immersing myself in work - it is saving the lake from pollution, because her husband, coming home from work, “pollutes with darkness” the lake in which she finds balance. Thus, achieving her goals maintains inner peace, but distances her from her husband. Dad really liked his positive state, and he called it “Easy Breathing.” The analysis further clarified the rosy plans for the future, in which the man wanted to relax and enjoy nature. A real life filled with fresh breath and relaxation did not seem possible to him. These were beautiful dreams, but not goals. It’s time to choose a compromise card (emotional filter) that would smooth out the sharp edges of negative situations. 1 2 3Having chosen a card with a gorilla, the girl said that her mother’s love always saves her from the state of “eruption.” But the main discovery is that she realized her helplessness in controlling the volcano and asked her mother to protect her from internal fire. The girl happily added that the child in the picture is wearing panties because his mother pulled him out and his clothes were burnt. The girl voiced her readiness to start a new relationship with her mother. The woman found a compromise, as a result of which her husband would be freed from the burden after work, and would not subsequently pollute her Lake of Equilibrium. This is the "Recreation Together" card, where she comes out of the water, but is next to her husband and her feet touch the surface of the river. There is contact with water here, but there is no danger of a “dark” invasion into her inner world. The woman admitted that she had such a relationship with her husband before the birth of her daughter. As a compromise, the man chose the “Work on the Land” card. It turned out that this activity symbolized his life in the family, but was not considered as such. He thought about working at work (for money) and working at home (occasionally), expecting a happy old age upon retirement. It was a discovery for the man that his work could not provide peace of mind in his old age. He was surprised to note the importance of developing family relationships for a cloudless, easy-breathing old age. Then dad realized that he was ready to accept help, which he rejected in every possible way, not understanding his wife’s intentions to develop the arrangement of the household. Now a new conscious meaning of family has opened up for him. Family is the main energy for recovery after work, a source of creative goals to ensure a calm old age. The last stage of work is the synthesis of the family situation. We connect the positive cards of parents and daughter. We get the family before counseling. We connect the negative cards of parents and daughter. We get a picture of the problem in the family. It is clearly seen that the “Eruption” of the volcano appears as a result of the combination of father’s “darkness” and mother’s “speed”. Connecting compromise cards. We see the result of psychological counseling and the solution to the problem. The man found common goals with his wife, which transformed fantasies into achievable reality, the mother - a harmonious marital relationship, and the daughter - the help and love of her mother, whom her father loves. The result of the consultation: the parents clearly understand and accept their responsibility for their daughter’s behavior. The girl recognizes her role as a daughter, the need to learn self-service skills, and gain knowledge at school. Therefore, the changes are conscious and all family members are ready for sincere repentance. Dad repents that he did not attach importance to the family on the path to gaining inner freedom, wanted illusory peace of mind in a family “without a family”; he condemned his daughter for frivolous behavior, and he himself did not take responsibility for development of relationships with his wife and daughter; denied his wife joint planning for the future. Mom repents of running away from her daughter’s emotional states instead of preventing them with her attention and love; ignored joint activities with her husband due to an excessive desire to maintain inner peace ;raising my daughter, I thought about how she.