From the author: Chapter from the book by Yulia Guseva "Gentle boys, strong girls. Education free from gender stereotypes." As you know, in the first year of life a child gets to know his body. First, he discovers his own hands, looks at them with pleasure and plays with them. The next step is to open the legs. And again the child enjoys interacting with a new part of his own body. What happens to a child when he discovers his body parts? This is a very important tactile and motor experience. The child touches one hand with the other, touches the legs with his hands, and pounds the surface with his feet. This is how he becomes aware of his body, learns to control it, learns to coordinate his actions. All this is one of the main tasks of the first year of a child’s life. Body awareness is slightly different for boys and girls. In the second half of the year, the boy discovers a new body part - the penis. Naturally, he begins to manipulate the new organ that he discovered in his body. Genital sensitivity and manipulation of the genitals are very important for the development of a boy, since he must integrate (that is, include) the genitals in his own body image. How is the penis detected? I will give a description of a mother's observation of a ten-month-old boy who discovered his penis for the first time. The child, lying naked in his crib and playing with his legs and arms, was kicking his legs. He hit his penis with his heel several times. He peered down, apparently to see what was causing the sensation. His bulging belly prevented him from seeing his penis, and he began to play with his navel, pressing on it. Then he did the same with his stomach and suddenly he saw his penis. He slowly touched it with his finger and looked at his mother, beaming. Over the next few minutes he repeated this maneuver several times, crawling, sitting up, pressing his stomach and touching his penis a little tentatively. It took him some time to realize that the penis was actually part of his body, that it belonged to him[1][/url].Now let's discuss the parents' reaction. Often parents begin to worry, mistaking the first exploration of their own body for masturbation. So what do parents do? At best, they take the child’s hands away from the genitals, at worst, they say in a stern voice that this cannot be done, scold or even spank his hands. Let’s first understand our parental reactions. We are very happy watching our baby play with his arms and legs, we look at him with tenderness and a smile, and this reinforces his interest in his limbs. The arms and legs become positive organs integrated into the body scheme. At the same time, having enjoyed playing with his hands, the child quickly begins to accept them as something natural, always existing and unchangeable. This is the moment when the child’s hands are already included in the body scheme, he accepted them as part of himself. And it is very important that all parts of the child’s body have a positive meaning for him and are not rejected. Next in line are the legs. And so on, until the turn reaches the genitals. And then the child, instead of the smiling face of the mother, sees a scared or worried one, sees the mother’s fear, anger, indignation or irritation. The child feels: something is wrong, not everything is fine. Of course, the baby cannot understand whether he did something wrong or something is wrong with him, but he feels his mother’s anxiety, and this is enough for him to begin to feel anxious. As a result, the integration of the genital organs into the body scheme does not occur as calmly and safely as the integration of other parts of the body. This is how Zhanna, the mother of little Anton, shared her fears. When I saw that my eight-month-old son was touching his genitals, I was very upset. I understood that I needed to wean him from this bad habit so that it would not take hold. Why? I was worried that my son would do this in kindergarten and the teacher would start scolding and shaming him in front of all the children. I remember that,When I went to kindergarten, boys and girls were scolded for masturbation. Since my son was masturbating during those moments when I changed his diaper and laid him out to lie naked, I stopped leaving him undressed for a long time. It seemed to me that he would forget about his bad habit. But things got worse. As soon as I took off my son’s diaper, he immediately began to play with his genitals and did this until I put the diaper on him again. When parents forbid the child to touch the genitals or simply do not give him the opportunity to do this, as in in the above example, they interfere with the natural course of things. The child's interest remains unsatisfied. And he must satisfy him, since he needs to get acquainted with all parts of his body. It is impossible and unnatural to have a part of the body and not know anything about it, not imagine what it looks like and what it feels like. And parents, even prohibiting, can still only hinder the process of cognition, and not stop or prevent it. They can extend the process of a child’s acquaintance with his body over time, that is, simply put, create an obstacle in his mental development. By putting a diaper on a child immediately after removing a dirty one and not giving the child the opportunity to feel his own body, we are only delaying the moment of his acquaintance with genitals. Because potty training time will come anyway and the diaper will be removed. By scolding a child, saying that one should not touch the genitals, we give him the message that the genitals are something dirty and bad. That is, it turns out that a priori a child cannot be entirely good if some parts of his body are bad. As a result, the child will begin to explore his body secretly, while experiencing a feeling of guilt, because he is doing something bad. Dear parents, you probably saw a logical contradiction when reading the last paragraph. At first I talked about the fact that the study of the penis begins in the second half of life, and then I began to write about feelings of guilt. Can a one-year-old baby feel guilty? Of course not. And now I will explain this age contradiction. Ideally, a boy under one year old includes the penis in his picture of the world along with other organs and is even no more interested in it than in other organs. But if the boy is not given the opportunity to explore his own body (for example, they try to prevent him from being undressed), then the process may be delayed. Consequently, the process of learning about the penis can begin at the age of one and a half or even two years. Exploring one’s own body is an important stage in a child’s development. It is necessary to give the child the opportunity to explore all parts of his body, including the genitals. Let's not be afraid of a child exploring his body. This is a completely normal, natural and important process of child development. Now let's talk directly about infant masturbation. What should you pay attention to if your child masturbates? It is worth getting tested to rule out the presence of helminthic infestation. If a child has allergies (especially in the genital area), this may cause masturbation. In these cases, it is necessary to treat the child, since masturbation is a consequence of the disease. Washing too frequently and vigorously also provokes masturbation. Pay attention to hygiene. The cause of infant masturbation can also be neuropsychic tension, increased nervous excitability of the child. As I already mentioned, if playing with the genitals is more typical for boys, then masturbation is more common among girls. Let me give you an example of infant masturbation, which was described by the mother of the girl Valya. When my daughter Valya was seven months old, I began to notice strange things. She crossed her legs, squeezed them and arched her whole body. She was very tense at that moment, and I was scared to look at her. Then suddenly the daughter relaxed and calmed down. It was like an orgasm. My mother said that this is all because I don’t swaddle my daughter: they say, if she was in».