From the author: Author Gnezdilova Natalia. Published on a personal blog: How to avoid a quarrel? This question is far from idle, especially if quarrels regularly arise in the family over trifles. Today we’ll talk about how to avoid a quarrel? Have you noticed that if you quarrel, you almost always behave the same? And if you have a permanent opponent, then he also behaves in a similar way. Why does this happen? Everything is very simple, your subconscious contains only a few patterns of behavior during quarrels and scandals. You simply don’t know how and don’t know how you can behave differently. Stop for a minute and analyze, think, remember. I'm right? If yes, then read on, then you will have new food for thought. Most often, a scandal begins with some nonsense, and only then, after the emotions have subsided, you realize that the reason for the quarrel was not worth a damn. This happens due to the fact that we cannot and are not accustomed to talk about our feelings and thoughts, and for some reason we think that our partner understands everything and knows everything, he even should understand and know everything, that is, we project our thoughts to him. How to change your pattern of behavior? Where does a scandal begin? Always with some kind of presentation, with some kind of dissatisfaction, that we did something differently than our opponent wanted, maybe we didn’t do it, but we wanted to do it and etc. You remember perfectly well, because every person has their own way. And so, they presented us with something, and then our thought processes turn on, but they don’t turn on for long, only for one moment, to understand that we do not agree, and do not agree 100%. What happens next? The brain turns off and our emotions turn on, but emotions don’t need conscious thoughts, they don’t know how to think. But seriously, in fact, an emotional wave rises when we internally disagree with the words or actions of our interlocutor. Or let’s say we want to appear to disagree, for some of our own reasons that only we know. It is at this moment that the situation, so to speak, splits, there are two options for events. You can turn on your emotions automatically, this happens unconsciously, on autopilot, you have developed a certain habit throughout your life. Or you can stop and hold back your emotions a little, consciously, and thereby begin to change your pattern of behavior during a quarrel. You can delay the rise of emotions for literally 10-15 seconds, and during this time you will have time to make a decision not to continue the quarrel that has almost started. Quarrels in families occur according to the same scenario, and very often for the same reasons or reasons. And in fact, you already know what will happen and how, what you will hear, and what you yourself will say. And naturally, later you will regret those things that you said in the heat of this quarrel. That is, you already know, you have information about the near future (while the quarrel lasts), you can predict your near future, even if only for an hour. And you you constantly find yourself in this not very pleasant future, although you are well aware of it. It seems to me that when you think from this angle, your own actions sometimes seem completely absurd. This is when a person knows that he is walking along a road that ends in a dead end, he gets there, runs into this dead end, and returns back to the starting point. And after a while he walks along this road again, and again he reaches a dead end. And he is very surprised, but the dead end has not gone away! And this is repeated regularly! The same thing happens with scandals and quarrels, everything has long been predetermined, who will say what to whom, how the other will react, etc. There is only one way out of these unpleasant situations, try not to slip into emotions, hold on longer yourself in your right mind, and remember that you have the power to change the situation. There is another thing that makes us react so violently when not very pleasant things are said about us. This is your own agreement or disagreement with your opponent, to his offensive and unpleasant words. It happens quite.