nd, 15/02/2010 - 16:27 | Julia Portland Why do we get offended? How does this happen? Why do we get offended? The scenario for the occurrence of offense is simple and familiar to us. One person has expectations regarding another (each of us has his own picture of the world, and these pictures can differ radically from each other)... According to his idea, a person expects some specific behavior and reactions from another... And he doesn’t receive it - the person behaved differently: “I was sure that you would pick me up after work...! How could you not come!?!?!” Options for getting out of the situation: Talk through your expectations and agree on the future more specifically: who, where, how.. Speak up and... be offended. Be offended in silence The last option is the most difficult (in terms of consequences for the participants ). And, alas, no matter how sad it is, the most common one... What happens next? The first one carries a grudge in his heart, cherishes it and cherishes it. Finds in the subsequent (or previous) actions of another person confirmation of the correctness of his behavior and the resulting feeling of resentment: “But last time... it was the same thing!!” I was right.” Another person is trying to understand what’s going on... It’s good if he asks openly what happened... But maybe he’ll get the answer through pursed lips, “Nothing...” or “You don’t understand?!” He will begin to suffer from feelings of guilt... after all, resentment is a form of manipulation. By the way, children under 2 years old do not know about the existence of insults, they learn this from you and me, society gives the first lessons in “correct insults” at the ages of 2 to 5 years. I have seen such a “one-man show”: a girl 5.5 For years I really wanted to “show” my parents who’s boss here. She turned away from everyone, pouted her lips, and twisted her arms like a pretzel on her chest. Before this, I quietly wet (!) my eyes with saliva. She clearly copied the appearance of resentment, which she had seen more than once! And the parents jumped up, fussed, ran around... The effect was achieved! In order to get rid of the feeling of guilt, parents will do the actions that the child demanded of them... Where does resentment live in the body? So, over time, we accumulate grievances and insults in our souls, because nothing passes without a trace for a person... It’s like a person drags stones around is a burden of unexpressed grievances and emotions. Folk wisdom (and that’s why it is wisdom that has been tested over centuries) says: Resentment is like a stone in the soul Unexpressed resentment eats away the soul Resentment in the heart is easy to offend, but what does it feel like for the soul? Everyone takes their own resentment against the offended. bitter It is impossible to offend, you can be offended How does an offended person feel? Let's turn to bodily sensations... After all, your body always shows a reaction to certain events. Comfortable - not comfortable, comfortable - not comfortable, breathing - not breathing, hurting - not hurting, warm - cold, and so on... Using these simple criteria, you can determine your condition and attitude to the situation. Difficulty shallow breathing, heaviness in the chest, “close “tears,” this is suppressed, blocked energy of great strength - in the end it can manifest itself as a serious illness. Yes, resentment lives in the chest, in the area of ​​the heart (we will talk about this in more detail in the article about blocks). Resentment is suppressed anger, only anger seeks external expression, an active reaction. That resentment is internal. How is this dangerous? How does it manifest itself: Helplessness, depression, feelings of anger, hatred, revenge; Deterioration in physical condition; Changes in behavior, the appearance of suspicion, hostility towards others. This is suppressed, blocked energy of great strength - in the end it can manifest itself as a serious illness. the offended person always has the expectation that his pain can or should be heard, and that this will cause reciprocal pain to the offender - will cause awkwardness, guilt, remorse and the feeling that it is he who is to blame for the suffering of the offended person, and that this is unfair. And if anger seeks the possibility of external punishment, while resentment seeks internal punishment. What to do with this destructive feeling, from which none of us is immune? There are psychological exercises and techniques with which you can work with resentment yourself. You can read about them in?"