This is the first note in the series “Illness: the ethics of relationships with the patient and his relatives.” Illness becomes a test not only for the patient himself, but also for his relatives. During this period, the relatives of the sick person become less accessible to communicate with the people around them. They often become inattentive and irritable. You should not consider the demonstration of these qualities as a manifestation of hostility towards you personally. The usual way of life is broken. Your friends' attention is completely absorbed by concern about the health of a person close to them. The worst thing that can happen to a seriously ill person is that he can die. Relatives of such a person can tremble and be afraid for years. Relatives of a sick person also feel bad, hard and scared. This article was written for friends of those who, although they themselves are not sick, are caring for their sick loved ones. The article describes the typical reactions of others to illness and death and ways to support relatives of patients are shown. How do people feel when faced with someone else’s pain? They often feel helpless and vulnerable. They may feel ashamed that everything is going well for them or feel glad that it didn’t happen to them. People feel guilty and curtail communication at a time when a friend or relative especially needs your support. Changing the situation, curing a person is not in your power. But you can provide all possible assistance to your friend who is caring for a relative. There are simple ways to support: Remove from your friend/relative all obligations that they have to you. Call regularly and ask how your friend and his relative are doing. The most common line to start a conversation with is: “How are you?” Be prepared for the fact that in response to this question your friend will launch into a lengthy description of his own experiences and the physical condition of the patient. Be prepared to listen: your friend may want to tell you about someone he cares about. Let him express his grief. If it is really important for you to know, the question is asked where and when you actually have time to listen to it. Try to stop trying to cure your friend's relative. Let the attending physician worry about the patient’s health. Your recommendations for the remedies that helped you may be dangerous for the patient. And unsolicited advice can cause rage. You should not demand that your friend unquestioningly follow your advice. Instead of saying: “You must buy this medicine,” you can say: “I heard about a good specialist. If you want, I’ll go and find out about him.” Reality is physically depressing and exhausting. Take care of your friend. Prepare a meal and invite him over for dinner. Often, relatives of a sick person do not have enough time for themselves and for doing homework. Take on some of your daily responsibilities: look after the children, pay utility bills, buy groceries. It’s not always a good idea to distract your friend and ask him to prepare a list of necessary products. Just buy a simple set that is in any refrigerator: eggs, cheese, milk. If your friend is visiting a sick relative in the hospital, keep him company. The optimal duration of a hospital visit is no more than 20 minutes, if the patient has not recovered from anesthesia - 10 minutes. Offer your company, but don't be intrusive. If your friend's relative lives in another city, offer money for travel. The worst thing that can happen to a sick person is death. In this case, the reactions of others can be the same as to the news of illness. Often friends and acquaintances of a relative of a deceased person leave him, simply because they do not know what to do in the future. In such a situation, how to support a friend. The first thing you should do when you learn of a loss is to call your friend and briefly express your condolences. Do not drag out the conversation and share your own experiences in detail. Second,.»