Proximity is fusion, isn’t it? Then why is “closeness” colored positively, and “merger” negatively? It seems to me because proximity presupposes the possibility of freedom , but merging is not. Intimacy means you come, you get your fill, you leave. Merging is stuck and stuck. That is, if a relationship goes on and on, it’s not about intimacy? No, that’s not what I meant at all. Relationships can be very long, life-long, and “that’s normal.” However, relationships do not consist only of episodes of intimacy and fusion. “We’re together” invariably gives way to “I want to be alone in this” or “I’m not ready to share your feelings right now” or even “I don’t like what you’re doing now.” And for me, intimacy differs from merging in the way in which my partner and I experience these episodes separately in a relationship. When I want to withdraw into myself, satiated with intimacy, I do it. I can take care of my partner goodbye (or not). Thank him for his closeness, express your “feel” to him (if something went wrong), sympathize with him (if he has not yet had enough). And be left alone with myself. When I want to withdraw into myself, satiated with the merger, I may not even notice it. I could feel anger, as if they weren’t letting me out of the merger (although who doesn’t let me go? Not my partner, but my own fear of being left alone). But anger is too dangerous a feeling in a merger (get even more angry and everything will collapse). So I'll just try to ignore my disgust and anger for as long as possible. After all, breaking a merger is always associated with the most excruciating anxiety - in comparison with which very many things seem “totally bearable.” When a partner goes about his business, having had enough of intimacy, I let him go. I may be angry or sad if I didn’t have enough, but I will be comforted. And I will have something to do, even without him :) When a partner goes into his own business, having had enough of the merger, I am not ready to let him go. I will experience painful resentment (for leaving me), or guilt (for not being able to keep me) or shame (for not being worthy of him). Or fantasize and hallucinate that he is still here. But all these feelings are needed only in order not to encounter the most painful anxiety. Anxiety that I was left alone. And no business of your own, of course. Even if he came out of the merger, I still remain in it. So it turns out that intimacy is always only part of a relationship? Another part of a relationship is the opportunity to move away from intimacy into your own affairs? For me, yes. What about you? :)