Yesterday was Mother's Day, there were a lot of congratulations and warm words said and written to mothers. And in general, they always talk a lot about mothers. Some blame her for all their troubles, while others thank her for their successes and achievements. In psychology, the topic of the significance and influence of the mother’s figure on life and personal development is very popular. Probably, only the lazy (and maybe even he) did not write and study this topic. Many scientific works, books and studies have brought and continue to bring great benefit to both specialists working with the human psyche and people looking for answers to their questions related to life. So I wanted to talk about how to be a mother. When I began to explore how my mother influenced my life, I experienced many different, quite strong and, at times, completely contradictory feelings that were very difficult to accommodate all at once. Today I love my mother very much and am eternally grateful to her for living. But for me, from time to time, I begin to worry and feel insecure about my children: what if I do (or don’t do) something for them that will hurt them, traumatize them, or distort their lives. In a word, sometimes I begin to feel responsible for all the suffering in the world that can happen)). When my son, my first-born, was born, I remember my shock at the fact that he turned out to be an absolutely individual, separate person. And this was immediately completely clear. He is not an appendage or an addition to me, he is a separate, real Person. I could endlessly look at him as he slept in his crib, so perfect and beautiful. At this time, the flow of thoughts in my head could take a completely unexpected direction for a person experiencing motherhood for the first time, but very familiar to those who already have experience in this. Well, for example, “How tiny and how perfect!”, “He completely depends on me,” “Nightmare!!! What if I do something wrong?!!,” “Someday he will become an adult and get married...”, “And leave me for his wife...”, “What if she makes him unhappy???”, “What a reptile !!! My little son... Yes, I’m her...”, “So, calm down, mom, he’s only two months old, what kind of wife?”, “If only he would always remain so small...”, etc. and so on. At that time I was very young, but quite self-confident. I believed that who, if not me, would know best what would be right for my children and what would make them happy. Having experienced such experiences, I perfectly understand mothers who find it difficult to let their children go into adulthood. Just yesterday a woman contacted me who was “lucky” to marry a man who had not separated from his mother. The two of them have done so much to push her out of their system, but by some miracle she is still holding on. Time will tell if she wants to continue this fight. And, probably, this mother and son feel good with each other, but how many people around them have they made unhappy by promising something and never fulfilling their promises. I spent several years of my professional life in the education system, where I saw in all its glory countless examples of the other extreme, when a child is not accepted, rejected by his family. Of course, it doesn’t look so obvious that parents are talking about the uselessness of children. On the contrary, they seem to sincerely believe that this is how a child should be cared for and loved. For example, one mother said in all seriousness that she was taking her son to a shelter for a while so that he would begin to respect and appreciate her. As you might guess, her expectations were not destined to be fulfilled. And I, in no case, judge or blame either those mothers who cannot let go of their child, or those who do not allow him.