The basis of any successful interaction is communication, but an indispensable condition for this will be understanding. It is with this, so to speak, component that the largest number of problems arise, especially when it comes to a man and a woman. Let's try to figure this out. It is no secret that, quite often, clients turn to a psychologist with just such a request. The decisive thing is that a man, when communicating with a woman, wants to receive understanding and support, and the woman wants sympathy and attention. In a conversation, even if it is in a raised tone, it is important for a woman to convey her mood and state, and what she says is not so important, the man wants the woman to correct something. In other words, the goals of the dialogue do not coincide; for a woman, the determining process is the discussion process, / then you can cry in a hug /. For men, the result is a specific action. Everything seems to be clear and understandable, but for some reason the problem of misunderstanding remains, and begins to have a destructive effect on the relationship in the couple. The point here is this: each of us has certain perception filters, that is, in most cases, we hear only what we want to hear. If you ask a person how he understood the previous phrase of his interlocutor / speech about conflict situations /, then he will do it with great difficulty or will not be able to do it at all. People, using their own perception patterns, are simply unable to hear their partner; they do not take into account the information that they are trying to convey to them. However, the needs remain. Then, in the case when a person remains misunderstood, men go to friends, share with them and receive support - “She’s a fool”, women pour out their souls to their friends - sympathy - “What a goat.” It turns out that people receive approval, support and sympathy outside the couple. Naturally, this affects relationships, not in the best way. To break the situation you need to change yourself, but this is really difficult and you will have to strain yourself. To do this, first of all, you need to give up the usual comfort zone in communication, where a person receives support from friends and relatives, and not from his partner, because this is exactly what Your environment greatly influences your values. It is necessary to make a choice, as in that joke “You need checkers or go,” that is, a relationship with a partner or the approval of a circle of acquaintances. The next point, in order to be correctly understood, is to express your thoughts, desires and “wants” as accurately as possible. It is not uncommon for people to say very beautiful and correct words, but at the same time do not express their true goal. In actions, it is worth making sure that the action performed is included in the range of what is needed and expected by the partner, which he can evaluate as a manifestation of love towards him. Now a trend has become very clearly visible when a person (no matter a man or a woman) is of the opinion that - I won’t do anything, let them love me for who I am. On social networks, you can often see the following statement: “A woman should be happy and she doesn’t owe anyone anything else.” Many women take this on board and move through life. And if a man has a similar motto in his head, then when trying to build a relationship between them, two self-centered characters collide. Then, conflicts are inevitable, up to and including physical violence. It is unlikely that such an approach to seeking mutual understanding can be called constructive. One of the differences between couples in which there are harmonious relationships is that communication between partners occurs not only on a logical level, but also on a sensual level, and the catalyst is the joy of communicating with each other. The main obstacle to this, in my opinion, is the habit of not changing anything. Live with joy! Anton Chernykh! The article was published on my website "Bear +" PS I have a gift for you, a small guide to developing self-confidence. You can download it for free using this link https://medved-plus.ru/free-exempl/ and/