Burt Hellinger on anger. B.H.: There are different types of anger. The first type: someone attacks me or treats me unfairly, and I react with anger and anger. Thanks to this type of anger, I can defend myself and insist on my own. This kind of anger is positive, it fuels my actions and makes me strong. It is justified and corresponds to the reason that caused it. This anger disappears as soon as it reaches its goal. Second type: a person becomes angry because he notices that he failed to take what he could or should have taken, or because he did not demand what he could either should have demanded, or because he did not ask for what he could or should have asked for. Instead of insisting on his own and taking what he lacks, he is angry with those people from whom he did not demand it, or did not take it, or did not beg it, despite the fact that he could and should have given it to them take, demand, beg. Such anger is a substitute for one’s own actions and the result of their failure to materialize. It paralyzes, makes us weak and often possesses us for a very long time. Such anger can arise as a defense against one’s own feelings of love - instead of expressing one’s love, a person becomes angry with those whom he loves. Such anger originates in childhood if its cause was an interrupted movement towards a loved one. Later, in similar situations, the experience in childhood is automatically repeated and receives its strength from that initial interruption. Third type: we are angry with someone because we have upset him with something, but we do not want to admit it. With this anger we try to protect ourselves from the consequences of our guilt by placing it on someone else. This type of anger is an avoidance of responsibility for our actions towards others. It allows us to remain inactive, paralyzes and makes us weak. The fourth type: someone gives me so much good and important things that I can never pay for it. It is difficult to withstand this, and then I defend myself from my benefactor and his gifts by reacting with anger. Such anger is expressed in reproaches, for example, from children towards their parents. It becomes a substitute for balancing “take” and “give”, paralyzes and leaves a person devastated, or manifests itself in depression - the other side of reproaches. In addition, it is expressed in the form of prolonged mourning and sadness resulting from the separation or divorce of partners, the death of loved ones or friends in the event that we are still in debt to those who have died or those from whom we have separated, in the sense that we should have taken from them something to which we had a right, or we should have been grateful for their gifts, or, as with the third type of anger, accept our own guilt and its consequences. Fifth type: some are overcome by anger , which they adopted from others and for the sake of these others. For example, if one of the group members suppresses anger, after a while another member of the same group (usually the weakest, who has no reason for this) begins to show anger. In families, this weak member is the child. When, for example, a mother is angry with her father, but suppresses this anger within herself, one of the children begins to outwardly show anger towards the father. On the other hand, the weakest member of the group is not only a carrier, but also a target for the anger of others. If a subordinate is angry with his boss, but restrains himself, he often takes out his anger on the weakest member of this organization; when a husband is angry with his wife, but suppresses the anger, then the child suffers instead of the mother. Often anger is transferred not only from one “target” to another - for example, from mother to child - but also from a strong member of the group to a weaker one. So, for example, a daughter transfers the anger she received from her mother towards her father not to the father himself, but to someone else who is on the same level with her, for example, to her own husband. And as for groups in general, the adopted anger is not directed at the strongest member of the group - the true 2003.