Dasha and Nikolai from Kuban collective farms competing with each other. They met at the autumn fair. They fell in love. How can they open up to each other? What rules of successful communication can you use to build a relationship without abuse? Look! Rules for successful communication between lovers: Express feelings openly (without hints), motivating your opponent to do the same; Talk about your thoughts and feelings, trying to understand and hear your opponent. Dasha and Nikolai They quickly discussed everything and confessed their love to each other. Taking into account the specifics of those times, they immediately discussed when they would have their wedding and where they would live. You can see the story of their romance in the musical comedy “Kuban Cossacks” of 1950. In the same film (as opposed to Dasha and Nikolai) the relationship between the leaders of the collective farms “Red Partisan” and “Testaments of Ilyich” is shown. Gordey Gordeevich and Galina Ermolaevna demonstrate how people in love should not communicate: with hints, insults, throwing tantrums, expecting decisive action on the part of the one you love... and so on. Nastya Tuchkova builds communication with her beloved Nikolai Vorobtsov in the same dysfunctional way in the film “ Guest from Kuban" 1955 release. She takes offense at the combine operator, complains about him, and makes hints. I am glad that Nikolai himself falls in love with the girl and confesses to her. But let’s return to the film “Kuban Cossacks” directed by Ivan Pyryev! What prevented Gordey Gordeevich, who went through the Great Patriotic War, from confessing his feelings? Fear of the consequences of refusal (stronger than his attraction and love for a woman). Where does this feeling come from in the head of an advanced collective farm? Let us pay attention on what a man – a front-line soldier – thinks about himself. He periodically speaks derogatory about himself, saying, “Who am I compared to Galina Ermolaevna, such a prominent woman.” With his thoughts, words, and behavior, Gordey Gordeevich demonstrates his deep-seated maladaptive beliefs of the category “Worthlessness” (according to Judith Beck “Cognitive Therapy: A Complete Guide”). Such beliefs of a person may sound like this: “No one will love me” or: “I am not worthy love,” or: “I am a worthless, bad person,” and so on. Such beliefs poison life, as in the situation with Gordey Gordeevich and Galina Ermolaevna. After all, a man might not confess his love. Guarantees of reciprocity were important to him in order to overcome fear. Gordey Gordeevich overcame the fear of uncertainty thanks to the reliable information he received third-hand. When outsiders told him that Galina Ermolaevna loved him, the brave Cossack spurred his horse and rushed after the chaise of the adored woman. Then they used the 2 rules of successful communication to create a family. If you notice difficulties in communication, then pay attention to thoughts about yourself and those around you. They are probably maladaptive (like Gordey Gordeevich). If so, it might be worth working with a cognitive behavioral psychologist. The attitude towards deep ideas about oneself can be transformed. For harmonious relationships without abuse. Sincerely, your sensitive practicing psychologist - anti-abuseologist Pyotr Galigabarov, author of books Sign up for a consultation HERE