People meet, people fall in love...Love or addiction? Happiness or neurosis? How to understand yourself, your beloved... let's try to figure it out. A woman who is not in love, but in dependence, has a certain portrait, distinctive features, the imprint of the dependent that you can recognize in yourself. #1: Women with addictive tendencies tend to crave outside validation. For them, only the assessment of other people somewhat saturates them and feeds their unstable self-esteem. “If I don’t become a wife, I will feel like a failed person,” said one quite worthy woman. This woman considered herself valuable only next to a man. Only a man could provide her with a feeling of safety and security, a feeling of “I’m okay.” She thought that without the support of a man she could not even exist. No. 2. Lack of self-sufficiency, irresponsibility. If healthy women actively build their lives, then dependent women take a passive position. They look at a man and even at children as the source of their happiness and completeness of existence. If the “anyone-holics” are not happy, then they hold others responsible for this: “He is to blame, he ruined my youth!” As a result, they are endlessly angry and feel defeated, destroyed and even more empty. #3 When one person says to another, “I can’t live without you,” that’s not love. This is parasitism of one personality on another. Love is the free choice of two people to live together. Moreover, each of the partners can live alone. The sea splashes between the shores of the souls of loving people. Sometimes it's good to be close, but not very close. Otherwise, psychological tightness arises and there is no space for the development of each partner. One oak tree does not grow in the shade of another. No. 4. In dependent people, the logic is perverted: “I am loved, which means I am worthy of love.” The very ability to cause affection is made dependent on external circumstances - on the attitude of a particular person. It seems to fill the deficit of “I”. But what does a healthy lover look like? Healthy women, capable of love, value their intelligence, their qualities, their spiritual wealth, their personality. They value themselves, and do not wait for someone else to appreciate them from the outside. These women know what they want from life and what they can do for themselves. Ask them to write a plan for their life for the next 5 years - this task will not be difficult for them. Overall, they envision their lives. They are able to make active efforts to implement their life plan. Healthy women are characterized by emotional maturity. They can use all their senses. They can endure suffering and loneliness associated with spiritual growth. They feel good alone with themselves. They know the answer to the question: “Who am I?” They have well-developed self-discipline - they can postpone gratification of desires. Mature, independent individuals have long been psychologically separated from their parents and can now form a new emotional attachment. When they build a family, the division of roles in the family is not as strict as that of addicts. Members of a healthy family can change roles. This reduces their interdependence. In reality, no one can make another person happy. A person with high self-sufficiency is characterized by the feeling “I am worthy (worthy) of love and therefore loved (loved).” This will happen as long as a woman is true to herself, as long as she values ​​herself as she is. Behavior during separation: The peculiarity of the behavior of addicts is that during separation they feel incredible mental anguish, they cannot switch from the source (“beloved”) of suffering, their thoughts and actions create chronic mental pain for the addict. Running away from this pain in an attempt to relieve pain, a woman tries to reduce it at the expense of another, this may manifest itself in an emergency search for a replacement or just a shoulder that will take responsibility for her life and well-being. But in reality, this may help for a short period of time, but in essence it just running away from yourself again and again. The beginning of the path to freedom!