When your daughter is 17 years old and in her life story there is first love and the first “goodbye” and “forgiveness”, quarrels and reconciliations, meetings and partings, the romance of youthful friendship and love, you involuntarily remember yourself and are immersed in memories... And you really want Everything worked out happily and mutually for my daughter! And right away! Although you understand perfectly well that everyone still has to go through life lessons in order to learn a lot! Learn to be friends and love, accept yourself and others as they are, constructively express your feelings, thoughts, expectations and hear others, forgive and let go. And the skill of giving thanks for wonderful moments is also very important! And to understand the main thing: the source of love is inside you! And true love in a couple is always an exchange of warm, bright energies of this wonderful feeling in its various manifestations! When you are in love, the whole world begins to revolve around there is one person better than whom in this world there is no one for you! And you suddenly feel that you have so much strength when he is nearby! Even when he is just in your dreams, or just in your memories! You walk down the street, and in every passerby there is him! The first “he” for me was such a handsome man, and many girls in our 10th, graduating class were in love with him! We were good friends, we went to the movies together as a group, walked... After such events, he accompanied my friend home, since they lived nearby and very far from the school. And I was accompanied by my almost neighbor - a classmate with whom my friend was in love. And we both so wanted to change places! There were a lot of such discrepancies in our class then... And how can you not believe the words of a classic!? One fine sunny day after some lesson, I laid my head on the desk and, relaxing, dozed off... And suddenly a light, gentle touch on my hair and an enthusiastic phrase: “What beautiful hair you have! They sparkle like a rainbow in the sun!” It was so nice! I look up and see his smiling face! From an incomprehensible excitement, filling at the same time with joy, my heart at that moment was ready to jump out of my chest! Only my dad stroked my head so tenderly...By speaking my love language, my school friend completely conquered me! But I was very afraid to tell him about this, since at that period of my life I already had a huge experience of rejection by those closest to me. And the public opinion that decent girls do not confess their love to boys first was very strong in me! Although my favorite poet A.S. Pushkin and his Tatyana Larina shook this conviction in me at that time, but the fear was stronger! And I decided to entrust all my feelings to the diary, where my first poems were first born... And, of course, they were about love! At school, with my favorite classmate, we sat next to each other, but not together... Me and my friend were on the last desk, and he is in front of us... Our friend almost always sat half-turned towards us, so that it would be convenient to copy. He loved to chat and attract the attention of teachers to his person, especially our incomparable teacher of Russian language and literature. Three years of work in Germany, the country of Waldorf schools, left an imprint on the style of work of this teacher. She knew how to awaken our sensuality with her poetry, playing the guitar and constant literary inventions, motivating us to create. Literature was my favorite subject, my essays were often read to the whole class, and I always actively participated in literary competitions. During breaks, our philologist was “closer to the people”: being in the corridor, where we could freely approach her and talk about life, about their problems, interests, goals in life, discuss the book they read, the movie they watched and get practical advice from an experienced woman. Most of all, our boys circled around her... She attracted their attention... We, the girls, were brought thick German fashion magazines, and we are with greatThey looked at them with interest, delight and surprise in all lessons. Several times I saw my friend accompanying our teacher home... And when I told him that I saw them together, he uttered Pushkin’s phrase: “All ages are submissive to love!” And I decided then that I had no chance... “We choose, we are chosen” - the song from the movie “Big Change” very accurately expressed my state of mind at that time: “I follow you as a shadow, I get used to the discrepancy”... But to get used to this is not easy...And even when next to you is another guy who is in love with you, who writes poems for you and sings them with a guitar, fulfills all your whims, and you celebrate your last school New Year together, this does not help to drown out your heartfelt feelings...Nadezhda still warmed in my chest. And even after graduation, always coming to our “School Homecoming Evening,” I imagined our meeting in the brightest colors and shades! But every time I found myself witnessing another romance... And then our boys were taken into the army... I finally managed to “burn the bridges” only after the news that “he” got married and that he found his wife in the Caucasus, where he served. This was unexpected. So my diary with all my feelings and first creations about love flew into the oven. I have regretted this more than once, although I liked this method of self-therapy, and later I used it more than once consciously, since it really helps a lot. When I was already in my third year of pedagogical institute, our boys returned from the army. And again we all started meeting at our traditional school graduation party. And one day another classmate who was in love with me proposed marriage to me. This was also unexpected! And, escaping from loneliness, I agreed... Our romance was fabulous, especially the wedding! Beautiful expensive outfits, a celebration in a cafe, a live ensemble led by my friend with whom we once celebrated the New Year together, doves, the strong arms of my young husband in which he carried me, and a wonderful honeymoon trip to Sochi! The sea with sunsets and sunrises, blooming magnolias, open-air concerts of the Orange ensemble did their job in my romantic soul... I felt like a princess at a wonderful ball of life! And I fell in love with my prince! But not every crush turns into love... We didn’t succeed... But I am very grateful to fate and my first husband that there was such a fairy tale in my life! A fairy tale not only with “ash on the face” and a lot of things that can never be remade! And my childhood trauma and limiting beliefs, entrenched in my unrequited first love and first marriage, haunted me for a long time with failures in my personal life. I often came across either unavailable or “various wrong ones.” After the divorce, the lot of fate and placement at the institute They brought me to the glorious city by the sea - Mariupol. A very active period of successful self-realization in the profession and a period of exciting travel during vacation time began. I was inevitably drawn to the mountains! I visited the Crimea, the Carpathians, the Caucasus... On one of these trips, a wonderful guy, a Balkar from Nalchik, a tourism instructor, managed to wake up my sleeping heart. And our romance lasted for several years in letters with promises to come and “take me to the ends of the earth.” It’s great that they wrote love letters back then! They warmed my soul for several years...When I identified a candidate for husband, these eloquent and resourceful letters were also consigned to the flames...The brightest spot of this period in my life was the birth of my beloved son, whom I still affectionately call “the sun” ! He illuminated my life with true love! With him, I learned the happiness of parent-child love, mutual and unconditional, when you love and are loved, no matter what! But now my son and I were rejected... Even though I continued to raise my son alone, I no longer felt so lonely! And thank you very much to his father for the happiness of motherhood! And this wonderful event partially healed…