-Mom, do you remember when two girls, Ira and Anya, came to visit us? Guess which one is mine!? - I remember this redhead... - How did you guess? - I didn’t like her right away! If just yesterday you shouted from the balcony “Vanya, put on your hat!”, and today your Vanya is carefully adjusting the scarf on someone - this is the beginning of a new stage in your life and the life of your children. When children grow up, we grow again with them. We learn letters, go to first grade, experience our child’s love as our own first love. We love very much and, therefore, we want to protect our child for as long as possible from everyday difficulties, experiences, everyday problems, etc. You can probably never be completely prepared for the fact that children have grown up and are beginning to build a life on their own. A parent's heart, even in a child two meters tall, sees his little son with a broken knee, who hugged his neck so tightly. While children are small, we dream of seeing them as adults, independent, accomplished people. When they grow up, we remember how good it was when they were little and needed us, we try in vain to slow down the passage of time, to prolong their childhood and our youth. Parental love is so strong and just as unpredictable, it can cure a terrible illness, support, inspire, and maybe vice versa. The child is our continuation, the embodiment of our dreams, hopes, and sometimes it happens that we continue to consider an already quite independent unit only as a part of ourselves, composing and filling our life, while limiting his right to his own mistakes and achievements, victories and defeats, his choice and your dream. “Inflammation” begins with the fact that sons and daughters grow up, start personal relationships and slowly create their own families. The relationship between parents and grown-up children is changing and reaching a new level. As children grow older, they develop their own tastes, desires, likes, and secrets emerge. Parental care, guardianship, and even more so control begins to burden, and sometimes even irritate. At this time, it may seem to parents that the child has stopped loving, trusting and obeying them. It can be difficult for parents to accept that their children have matured, become independent and are ready to create a serious relationship. Having forgotten themselves twenty years ago, some are desperately trying by all means to maintain control and continue to participate in the child’s personal life. And young people strive to defend their right to freedom at all costs. Sometimes solely to free yourself from parental control. It seems strange, but sometimes it is easier for parents to sleep more peacefully when their son rides a bike or “hangs out” in clubs than when... he brings his bride into the house). Parents have a subjectively negative attitude towards his actions and his choices, etc. Often this stage is accompanied by a parent-child conflict. The difficulty is that its participants are primarily driven by subjective impulses on the one hand and lack of experience on the other. Parents, precisely as elders, consider it possible to comment, advise and even criticize their child’s choices, etc. The lack of experience and, often, a positive example in parental families prevents young people from competently and respectfully building personal relationships and relationships with their parents and the partner's parents. Here are some of the most common subjective reasons why parents are “against”: Fear of old age. It is difficult for parents (most often mothers) to admit that their children have already grown up and do not require the same care and control as they did before. The families of children and grandchildren signal that the mother may soon become a grandmother, life has passed the equator, it’s time to reap the “harvest.” And if before this you have not lived as you would like, then the harvest cannot be long-awaited. When there is no feeling of satisfaction,there is no positive attitude towards life with which to share, I want to postpone summing up the results... Lack of personal life. The children have grown up, “there’s no need to stay awake at night, run to kindergarten between classes, get treatment when they’re sick” - At forty, life is just beginning! hurray, finally! Dating, career, fitness, travel, etc. - everything is possible! However, if in a woman’s life there is nothing and no one else besides a grown child and caring for him, then when the children grow up and begin an independent life, an irreplaceable emptiness forms in her life. The meaning is lost. Hence the fears, the fear of loneliness, the desire for the children to be near their mother longer, etc. Lack of love. This reason follows from the two above. Not receiving love and attention to ourselves, we often try to force them to gain total control over those whom we can, or believe that we can, control. Hiding behind excitement and calling it concern, we want to be aware of all affairs and relationships, we want these very relationships to be built according to our scenario and our “blessing”. Thus, we create for ourselves the illusion that we are loved, considered, listened to. And losing her is really scary. In fact, it is not our own life that is lived, but the life of the object of our controlling love. This also includes maternal jealousy. It is sometimes difficult for mothers to accept that, of course, nothing can replace mother’s care, and it is very good when it is there, but that her already grown chick requires attention and love of a slightly different nature. But sharing love with someone else is already difficult. Adult children find themselves in a difficult situation. By their actions, mothers significantly undermine their son’s confidence in himself, his choice and the right to make independent serious decisions. The sons’ desire to maintain a golden mean provokes them to take a position “on two chairs”, makes them doubt their choice and does not allow them to take full responsibility for their lives. After all, the words “I told you so” are constantly spinning in my head. “I warned you,” etc. Conflicts that inevitably arise between newly-made spouses are aggravated and come down to the issue of parents’ non-acceptance of their family. Spouses, instead of solving their “young” problems, jointly looking for a way out of current situations, shift responsibility onto each other. He continues to doubt the correctness of his choice of partner. And she thinks that he is under the influence of his parents. Wives regard this husband’s behavior as immaturity, indecisiveness, and lack of love. After all, every girl, when she gets married, dreams that “with her Husband” nothing threatens her, that she will be loved and the only one for her chosen one. Sometimes communication with parents stops altogether or is reduced to formality. Unspokenness and a feeling of misunderstanding between loved ones increasingly creates a gap between them. Trust and family ties are lost, which can then be very difficult to restore. The memory of a long-standing conflict can remain for a lifetime. For adult children, when they themselves become parents and start their own families, the need for parental approval and respect is quite great. Just at this time, I really want to receive good advice and support, share achievements and plans for the future, prove my maturity, independence and right to adulthood. It is important for parents to accept, understand, adapt and develop effective strategies for interacting with their own child. After all, Parents - older, experienced people who have more wisdom, patience and love in their hearts - have the main mission and responsibility for helping children create their young families and happy relationships. Life goes on! How to learn to accept the situation. Philosophically accept the situation. It was bound to happen anyway. See the positive! If a child is busy with personal relationships, this is better than dubious companies, “parties,” gambling, alcohol or, God forbid, drugs. Although these temptations are often encountered as a way!