A man's voice from the next table in a cafe is getting louder and louder. And now he is blocking our conversation with my friend. The man tells the girl about quite serious psychological things in the sphere of relationships. My friend and I are thinking, “Consults?” and we move closer to each other so that we can continue our conversation. A man tells details from his relationships with women. We think, “Maybe this is her friend?” The man draws some diagrams and again explains something. “No, he’s still a consultant.” And we again move closer to each other and also begin to speak louder so that we can hear each other, and not the “consultant” from the next table. The “consultant”’s companion is silent with an increasingly bored face. For three hours she uttered only one word - “no.” When the “consultant” asked her the only question of the evening: “Aren’t you hot?” (the girl was sitting in a jacket and scarf, although it was quite warm in the cafe). Towards the closing of the cafe, he took her hand. It was a date after all?! The girl's face did not express enthusiasm. And her jacket seemed to button up by itself. Such couples are often seen in cafes, parks, and exhibitions. He fluffs his tail and talks non-stop, thinking that he is on a horse. She listens first. Gradually he begins to get bored and sour. Then he starts looking at other men. Then he desperately looks for a way out. Then he falls into hopelessness and switches off from being present. He thinks he has won her over. And she no longer thinks anything, but disappears without a trace at the first opportunity. I don’t know where the belief came from that if you talk a lot and try to show how cool you are, it will make a good impression on the girl. Often this has just the opposite effect. How to get out of the “talking bird” position and make a good impression on a girl: 1. You should not turn your interlocutor into a listener and say much more than your interlocutor. It is important to maintain balance and give each other approximately equal space in the conversation. And if you give the girl a little more space (i.e. listen to her, and not take up space with yourself!), then this will be an additional manifestation of attention to her. When we listen to a person, we give him much more than when we tell him something.2. You shouldn’t turn into a boring lecturer and conduct long monologues, especially several long monologues in a row. A 10-minute monologue is already a lot (7 minutes are allotted for defending a thesis). Except for two cases. If she herself asked to talk about nuclear physics/your motorcycle trip/18th century architecture/something else that interests her, and you are on topic. But it still makes sense to expand and deepen the topic as interest develops, rather than immediately giving a lecture for an hour and a half. Or if you have reached the degree of depth and intimacy of contact when you are ready to share some intimate personal stories, listen to each other, show empathy, attention and support, then your personal story can be long. In general, a conversation is a dialogue, alternating exchange of remarks. If there is a story in the style of a monologue, then for 3-5-7 minutes with the opportunity for the interlocutor to clarify something, ask again, think about it. And after that, the transition back to dialogue mode or the possibility of a symmetrical story on the part of the interlocutor.3. You shouldn’t avoid pauses and try to fill them with yourself. Pauses are necessary to rest, comprehend what you heard, listen to yourself, understand what is important now, and perhaps say/ask about it, switch to another topic, etc. A pause of 2-3 minutes is normal. And for introverts, sometimes they need more time to “be silent.”4. Don't become a broadcaster and talk too much about others, especially other women. A couple of funny stories about friends may be appropriate at the beginning of a conversation, when there is still a lot of excitement, awkwardness and anxiety about moving into “personal territory” - asking something about each other or talking about yourself, as well as during the conversation, if this is in accordance with the topic or I want to reduce.