From the author: http: “Darling, we are going to have a Baby!!!” - the woman joyfully informs her chosen one, expecting to hear in response a reaction of unbridled delight (at a minimum) and a promise to immediately give a diamond ring or an expensive mink coat (at a maximum). But this is in our dreams, but in reality? The first reaction in men is: “Oh...” and fear in their eyes (not to be confused with tenderness!) - and this is even in the best case. In the worst case scenario - proposals to terminate the pregnancy before it is too late, disappearing from your horizon for at least a week, at most for the rest of your life. What is it - lack of desire to have a child? Fear of a change in the situation - there were two of us, we lived happily, and now a new family member will appear, and it’s not clear how everything will be? Or fear of the burden of responsibility that will fall on the shoulders of a man as the head of the family? Let's try to figure it out and start from the very beginning. One gynecologist I know says: “The feeling of fatherhood is instilled in men.” Men really do not experience the feelings and sensations that we women experience when we are carrying a baby. They are not allowed to “be pregnant.” For us women, the motherhood gene is endowed by nature. Even looking at other people's babies, we break into a smile of tenderness. And throughout the nine months that we carry our child under our hearts, we already feel him, we understand what he likes and what he doesn’t, we get used to the idea that he will soon be born. In men, on the contrary, practically nothing changes physiologically. And the man does not understand why his wife has ceased to experience the feelings that she had before, why she pays much less attention to him, why she has become very capricious and demanding. And it’s normal for her to ask her husband to go buy her favorite products at one in the morning. I remember one of my friends caused a scandal when her husband ate the cucumber that was the last one in the refrigerator. And my husband had to look for cucumbers throughout the city at night. Women are more emotional in life, while men, on the contrary, are logical in their actions. The first reaction of men to a problem that arises is how to solve it? This is the situation. The man is the head of the family. And now, in addition to the responsibility for maintaining two people (himself and his wife), he is responsible for a new family member, whom he does not even feel yet, for ensuring the successful course of his wife’s pregnancy, which, mind you, is becoming not entirely adequate for this term. And only nine months to radically change his lifestyle, to get used to the idea that he is a future father, to at least make repairs in the nursery. And, as a maximum, ensure a happy and comfortable childhood for your child. And all this must be done quickly. How can you not lose your head from such thoughts? And, oddly enough, here we women must come to the aid of our newly-made dad. Don’t blame him for not reacting the same way to the good news, that he doesn’t experience the same emotions that we experience! On the contrary, you need to help him adapt to this situation, get used to the idea that he will be the best father for his child. He will fly a kite with him, go to hockey and football games with him, teach his daughter to ride a bike, go fishing with his son, be jealous of his daughter for her first lovers, and discuss with his son what to wear on a first date... But that will come later, but for now - a beautiful wife, because pregnancy is beautiful for all women, whose mood can change at every second, and you need to be prepared for this. The baby's first cry, first bath and first swing in the arms of this little lump, which is exactly half its continuation. Exactly half - and we women should not forget about this. How to educate a man to take responsibility for his child is on the conscience of women. From the moment of conception, after the man experienced the shock of the thought of impending changes,do not exclude him from everything that concerns your common baby. Let the man talk to the unborn baby. It is no secret that children can distinguish voices from 12 weeks after conception and feel the warmth of their father’s hands on their belly. Can't your husband go to the ultrasound with you? Bring him the first photo of your baby. Don’t push him aside when preparing for childbirth, discuss with him what wallpaper will be in the nursery, consult with him and buy things for the baby. Visit friends with him more often where they already have children, let him see that it’s not so scary. Ideally, let him choose with you the maternity hospital where his baby will be born. This is really important for the future father! And men, as a rule, take this with a great deal of responsibility. Giving birth together is a complex issue; there are both supporters and opponents of it. But the fact that a man should be there, as long as possible depending on the situation, to support you is quite realistic. The baby was born - and here, too, there may be mistakes on the part of women. Unfortunately, this happens often. As a rule, the man becomes out of work. The mother is near the baby, she dissolves completely in him. What do new dads hear? “Don’t come closer, you’ll drop me, I’m tired, leave me alone...” What can a man do? He leaves, earns money. It’s good if it doesn’t completely go away! He withdraws from raising the baby; the baby is a competitor for him in his relationship with his wife. How do we behave with competitors? They either cause aggression in us, or we do not notice them. Men are no exception. The baby, too, on an unconscious level, does not feel support and love from his father. Then is a warm relationship possible between them in the future? The original Russian question arises: “What to do?” Share responsibility for raising and caring for the baby with the father. Do you think that the man does not want to hold the baby or bathe him? But he just might be afraid, he’s such a tiny thing - it’s scary to approach him, let alone pick him up! But it’s only scary the first time. And once a man takes something in his hands, he won’t let go. Let him cradle him, bathe him. And going for a walk with the baby is simply sacred! At this time you will rest or do other household chores. After all, in addition to the baby, you have a husband who needs to be fed after work and discuss some issues with him. At the end of the day, just remember to keep your home comfortable. A man should feel needed during this period. Remember that men are irresponsible fathers only in 5-7% of cases. The remaining 93-95% of them make wonderful dads. They can spend hours together with their child assembling Lego constructors. They will go toy shopping (again for hours!!!!) with the child. Dad will be happy to go with the girl to choose a new doll or dress for her. And if you have a boy, then your mother can easily go with her friends to drink tea - her men will be busy for at least two hours, choosing cars or new weapons. I watched a picture when a young father canceled a meeting because he needed to find a poem about autumn for his daughter for school. And how men tell stories! In their faces, with comments, with their vision of the main characters - people's artists modestly rest. And speaking of sad things, in fact, husbands are very worried about separation from their children in the event of a divorce, and the inability to see and communicate with their child every day. And how many emotions, tenderness, joy, pride men experience for their children when they tell strangers about them - about achievements and new victories! Only their children are the smartest, talented in everything (this reminds me of our women’s conversations about children). One young father told me how smart his daughter is, how she shares with him every evening, how she spent the day with her mother, tells where she went, what she saw. You just have to take into account that his daughter was only three months old at that time, and she simply couldn’t talk yet. And in the eyes of these men there is no longer even a hint of that?»