My new job made me think about basic trust - how it is formed, what it is made up of, where it disappears and how to get it back... The topic arose from a real situation. I had to go to a pregnant girl who was about to give up from the child, and the task of the center where I worked for the second day was to prevent this from happening - “the child must remain in the birth family,” they told me. That is, I needed to talk with this girl, clarify the reasons why she was going to leave the child in the maternity hospital, her fears and anxieties... well, and in the ideal version of our meeting, it would be nice if she, having given birth to the child, took him home... To say that I was shocked to see how people still live in our enlightened 21st century of iPhones and other prohibitive information space is to say nothing... The shock was quiet... The girl with whom I had to talk was loud. - They came in large numbers again. commission,” she shouted when she saw me and the young head of the local branch of the center for social assistance to families and children. Establishing contact in the 30 minutes that I was allotted for the conversation would not be easy, I immediately thought. A four-year-old boy, her first son, was also running around... And half an hour later our eight-month pregnant woman was getting ready for work. She also worked... In response to my attempts to get acquainted and say something, she began to scream, and then fell over the sill of the open window, showing me her butt. If they had not told me in advance that she was in her eighth month, I would never have thought that this girl is pregnant. Rather, she seemed plump... She ran up the stairs so briskly, and then jumped on her bicycle, easily throwing her leg over her, that I got the impression that she did not identify herself with the role of a pregnant woman. It was as if she had already made a decision that the child she was carrying within her was no longer there for her, and accordingly, she behaved like an ordinary non-pregnant woman. There is no dominant pregnancy, to put it in clever words. The external environment was depressing... In half an hour it is impossible to put together a picture of the life of this family - why this happened... why is a 23-year-old girl pregnant for the third time, and she already abandoned her second child a couple of years ago... and where are the men in this family?.. Our pregnant woman went to work, and after a conversation with her mother, I thought about basic trust... This pregnant girl completely lacked such a concept as basic trust in the world. Hence her refusal of children and relationships with the men who are the fathers of her children, which no one knows about, and she herself is silent - and her cry, as if she is trying to finish shouting - “ay, people!!” - there is so much pain in her that she can no longer speak calmly, can only scream... and the inability to finish screaming... And then, in the eighth month, another commission comes to her and persuades her not to give up the child, because motherhood is so wonderful... But This girl’s motherhood and relationship with her mother is the orphanage to which her mother sent her at the age of 13, this is a loss of faith in people, this is a misunderstanding of what close relationships are, this is the detachment of her mother, who, after her divorce from her father, turned to alcohol. And also, this is a constant search for warmth and a father who abandoned her, in the arms of men who also leave and leave her... The degree of mistrust in this world is getting stronger and stronger... And if I, another aunty from the next commission, tell her that motherhood is great, - she’ll just spit in my face... I didn’t tell her this. No foundation... Lack of basic trust... How to build a happy and healthy motherhood on it? First you need to build a foundation... For an adult, it will take more than one month to build basic trust. I don't believe in quick life-changing consultations. So that she can interact with people, and not release needles like a hedgehog. After all, every person looks at this world through the prism of their expectations and ideas. Everyone has their own veil before their eyes. Hence the repetition of past experience. Until trust is built, this girl will remain so.7.08.15