Today I will tell you about several keys that will allow your marriage to become truly happy. “My partner and I fight about everyday things. It annoys me that he is unclean and sloppy. To some, this may seem like a petty reason for conflict, but we almost broke up several times because of this,” says Olga. When I am asked to give a couple of recommendations for making a love union harmonious, I most often cannot do this. . Each couple is individual. There are no universal recipes for happiness that would be applicable to any union. Only you can determine what works for you and what doesn't. But I can share a few “keys” to healthy and environmentally friendly interaction in a couple. When people come to me for family therapy, I see the problem of most couples being the difference “he likes this, and I like that.” Differences are the most common cause of conflict in an alliance. Let's look at this situation from a slightly different perspective, because it is because of our differences that we stay together. It is our differences that make us interesting to each other. They are the ones who motivate us to work with ourselves for the benefit of the relationship. Why, at some point, do we become very impatient with the fact that our partner is not like us? Most often, this happens due to the conviction that agreement can be achieved only when we are unanimous in all moments of life. Sometimes our ideas about our partner become the “stronghold of evil”. After all, over the course of some time, we have persistently formed our idea of ​​our loved one. And sooner or later there comes a moment when we realize that he is not really like that. Facing reality can be very painful. But the moment we accept our partner as he is, without trying to idealize him, we enter the phase of mature love. It is this feeling that ensures the longevity of our union. But as soon as partners begin to love each other with mature love, a new difficulty comes: the discrepancy between life values. People understand that their views on fundamentally important things do not coincide. What to do in this case? Someone chooses to abandon their own interests and follow the desires of their partner. This is the wrong path and will lead you to failure. After all, life values ​​directly affect the hierarchy of our priorities. In other words, they determine how we want to live. And if one person abandons his own ideas for the sake of the interests of another, sooner or later the relationship will crack. An effective way to avoid conflicts based on different life values ​​is to discuss controversial issues in advance. I'm not saying that you need to talk about this on the first day of meeting, but it is important to do this at the initial stage of the relationship. If you don't have time, try to put relationships at the top of your list of priorities. This will allow you to show some leniency and acceptance towards your partner. Believe me, if the union is really important to you, you will find a way to come to a common denominator. “For the first 2 years, I seriously quarreled with my partner on the topic of finances. We couldn't find a compromise. We almost broke up. But then we decided that our relationship is more important than any conflicts and defending our position,” says Alexandra. If your relationship is currently going through hard times, but you want to preserve it, come for a personal consultation. I will help you find common ground. Sincerely, Your psychologist, interpersonal relations specialist, Ilya Akhmedov.