From the author: The article discusses life moments related to respecting your spouse and what to do if you stop respecting. When you stop respecting a man... A wise wife will build her home, but a foolish one will destroy it with her own hands (from the Bible) Respect is the most important factor in relationships in any life situation. Especially in the family. I hope you haven’t confused marital respect with something else, as in this parable? A man and a woman got married, he says to her: “Since you are my wife, you must respect my habits.” I have three of them. First. Every Wednesday I play football with my friends. Rain, snow, whatever happens football! Understood? “I understand,” the wife answers. “The second one.” Every Friday I play preference with my friends. - Understood? “I understand,” the wife answers. - And finally, the third. Every Sunday I go fishing. Winter, cold, mother-in-law's birthday - it doesn't matter. - I have FISH. Understood? “I understand,” the wife answers. - Well? What do you say? - I understood everything. - Are there any objections? - No. - Or maybe you also have some habits? - Yes, alone. I have sex every evening at 9 o'clock. There is a husband at home, there is no husband at home - it doesn’t matter, I have SEX! In this article, I will mainly “broadcast” on behalf of a woman. Therefore, I ask men to change their gender from female to male automatically..... In a family, respect is very important for conscious love. Because the husband is not a child after all. Unconditional love is good! - especially for him! And when you respect your man, it means that He corresponds to your personal value system - this is unity of spirit. Love in this case grows stronger. And your self-esteem is reinforced by the respect of a person significant to you. If you stop respecting your spouse for his actions (not for his words and thoughts), or the discrepancy between words and actions - because “to say does not mean to do.” After all, non-conformity between words and actions means instability of values. And, if he made a choice that did not correspond to his promises, this means that he made his choice between competing values ​​in his personal structure. And yet! If you do not respect your man (woman) - and this always happens due to a mismatch of values ​​- what should you do then? - think....observe... - accept... - accept does not mean reconcile; reconcile does not mean accept... (or - it doesn’t always mean...). For example, theft is not accepted by many - it does not correspond to their values ​​and social ones, including even divine ones (it is known that this is a sin) - running away - getting a divorce right away? - this is not an option at all... Therefore, it is important! - decide how much it is values ​​do not coincide with yours...for example, throwing garbage out of the car is normal for him, but wild for you. He explains his actions by the fact that he gives work to cleaners...?????? - after all, there are inconsistencies with which we can agree - and with which “no way!” - these are the biblical commandments-values! - global, so to speak... Biblical world values ​​are an indisputable truth, this is the law! The rest of the values ​​are at your discretion, because it is your personal choice...traditions...family values....culture....etc. For example, a husband (or wife) committed incest - this is a violation of the biblical commandment “thou shalt not commit adultery”! And even more than that! Where does it mean that you cannot even mentally desire the wife (husband) of your friend... what can we say about a child? – this is extreme fornication – that is, illicit sexual relations! This is a multiple sin! Dimension! Example However, there are many situations from my practice when mothers put up with incest - not to mention with their husband’s infidelity (I have never encountered in my practice when a husband put up with his wife’s infidelity - I did not try to explain this phenomenon...). When a mother doesn’t care about the terrible state of her child, the child goes to Hell! In life! – about this article 1. Psychotherapy for psychosomatics as a result of repeated sexual violence and 2. I am a nonentity When a mother makes a choice not in favor of her child, the abused father or cohabitant, she no longer respects herself! And hereThe reasons don’t matter – it doesn’t make the child feel any better. It’s clear that it’s easier for her this way - she doesn’t have to lose energy, make a choice, think, protect, stand up... For a child, it doesn’t matter - her reasons... He’s still HER child... And she’s responsible for him... He’s not her parent! And then all three live in shame, fear and complete humiliation! Only the adults somehow adapt - they find someone to blame. And the baby considers HIMSELF to blame! Besides, his parents blame HIM! So much for your family history.... Such a family (subsequent family families) takes it out on the defenseless child. CONCLUSION And yet, what to do when you don’t respect your husband? 1. When the actions of your husband (wife) diverge from biblical or social values ​​(which basically coincide) - isn’t it better to separate? For example: - the husband breaks the covenant “thou shalt not steal” and constantly steals from his neighbors in the country - everything! - or even worse - harasses a child - commits any type of violence.... 2. When your spouse’s actions diverge from your personal values, it’s up to you to choose. You can put up with some things, but you can’t put up with some things….this is a matter of the principle and traditions of the parental family, as well as national priorities. 3. When your claims to your spouse do not correspond to the 2 points described, these are already your projections! In this case, when you get divorced, you hope to meet a spouse with a different mentality. But! You cannot run away from yourself - everything that you are dissatisfied with in others is in you and you do not recognize it. Therefore - realize it! Accept! You have your own imperfection in yourself... and stop looking for this imperfection in your spouse. Because these are “little things in life” and these are your difficulties - not his. Having replaced your spouse, you will continue to find what you ran away from... Therefore, instead of divorce, spend your efforts and money on a psychologist. Example: She got married abroad. Not for love. But she doesn’t admit it and plays love with her husband. Now, every time it seems to her that he doesn’t love her, she makes scenes for him... If she admits to herself that she was not looking for love in this marriage, the hysterics will stop as unnecessary. But she is ashamed to admit it and she found an easy way to blame another, so as not to question herself, not to bear responsibility and at least temporarily maintain her self-esteem (at the expense of another, of course). The exception in this case is this example: She loves him. He loves too. But he lived alone for a long time and generally got used to it... or maybe he doesn’t understand... or doesn’t feel that it hurts her... when he openly stares at beautiful girls-girls-women in front of her. He stares through her - literally, looks through her with the look of a hungry beast..... about to reach his prey... Women who have experienced this will understand her... She asked him many, many, many times to do this... in front of her... because it not respect for her...his - for himself...for their family as a whole. She is not fanatical - look... but don’t turn your head after the disappearing Victim. Now you are not alone. There are two of you! And he (she) continues to ignore your request, thereby confirming not only your unimportance for him, but also the unimportance of the family (I repeat on purpose). What can we say about the motives of marriage, built not on feelings, but on those analyzed by him benefits - he looked for and found a housewife, a mother to his children, a beauty, safe *and sometimes free) sex and other benefits. These benefits are open to him - conscious and planned. For you, the fairy tale “About his great Love for you...” was told. 4. Or is it your childhood family psychotrauma. Urgently see a psychologist-psychotherapist! Example There was a little girl... Dad was away - business trips...work...study...She was so bored!!!And one day he came and even with gifts - she was happy...until...one day.... He “is with her!” He did what she secretly dreamed of: daddy picked her up... threw her high and said “what a lovely girl!” - NOT HER! – to her friend... Now this adult woman remembers this episode all her life and every time her husband’s inattention to her - of course, with imaginary inattention - she “loses the ability to think” and panic “does its dirty work”... Because trauma “ uselessness, abandonment, lack of recognition”…. - urgently! TO