Why does there be betrayal in families? Let's imagine a situation where young spouses, for some reason, really value their relationship and value their partner. For example, they no longer met at a young age, perhaps no longer hoping that they would meet the only person with whom they could start a family. Or, for example, a man finally fell in love with a girl with low self-esteem, and she, of course, “adores” him for this and “idealizes” him. It happens that spouses “take care” of each other, trying not to offend or hurt them. It would seem - what's wrong with this? Well, spouses value each other. This is very important in the family. Yes, it’s true, but sometimes it happens that the fear of destroying, “spoiling” a relationship forces them to “adapt” to the other, to please him in everything. Spouses “idealize” their partner and try, accordingly, to behave ideally, that is, to “suit” such a partner, which is very difficult. Gradually, spouses lose their true selves, lose their individuality and uniqueness. The paradox of such relationships is that the spouses value each other so much that they don’t know why. The main thing is that they claim that the spouse is ideal, the family is ideal, but to clarify what is special, unique about your partner, they find it difficult to answer. Why do we need a family? This is what happens in life: we “put on masks”, restrain our manifestations, try not to show our shortcomings, going out into society in order to be successful and positive in the eyes of others. But there should always be an “oasis”, an “outlet”, a place where we can relax, finally be ourselves, a place where we take off our masks. And this place first in a person’s life is the parental family. And then we create our family with the person with whom we can allow ourselves not to be afraid to be ourselves, with the person to whom we trust ourselves with our shortcomings. Imagine the state of a person who is forced to control himself all his life, to be in tension so that, God forbid, he does not say something wrong, does not do something offensive. It's incredibly hard. But not presenting yourself is half the battle, but spouses in such a marriage lose themselves, they live in each other’s shadow, trying to please each other. The result is disappointment with such relationships, disappointment with the partner. After all, if my partner is just my shadow, my reflection, then why do I need him? I am enough of myself. The family is in a state of impasse, although from the outside everything seems to be beautiful - a wonderful family, but inside it has long been a state of “swamp”. And then to the rescue, as a way out of the impasse (metaphorically, it’s like “pus coming out of an abscess” - it’s ugly, it smells bad, but it’s an opportunity to change something, to “cure”) - flirting, betrayal. After all, cheating often does not end with a break in the relationship. That is, it turns out that betrayal is part of the relationship between spouses, like an encrypted message. After all, what happens as a result of betrayal? Firstly, one of the spouses (more often, of course, men, who cannot stand being “ideal”) “violates” the family idyll. The whole “picture” of the family’s well-being falls apart. Betrayal “pursues” two goals: the first goal is to “disenchant” the partner so that, in a fit of negative feelings, he finally shows his real, genuine self (which is why spouses often seem to deliberately leave “traces” of betrayal so that the partner discovers what is happening and reacted accordingly - became indignant, angry, jealous, etc.); or, the second goal is to acquire a feeling of guilt as a result of an unseemly act, to continue to behave ideally in marriage with renewed vigor, further idealizing the partner and belittling oneself. A 44-year-old woman, 25 years of marriage, says: “Everything was fine, until one terrible day my husband admitted that he had someone else. What happened to me is beyond words. Now I’m even ashamed of how I humiliated myself in front of him, begging to stay, lying at his feet. 5 months have passed, and I cry every day, it doesn’t get any easier from being affectionate, kind, and caring..