From the author: Every person knows himself. I am also one of many who once reached the point and it’s time to change something. I share my pain, I hope it will be important to someone... How does it happen that people do not understand each other. We all speak the same language, we know that white is white, black is black, when you are lied to it is not pleasant, when you are insulted it is offensive. We all experience feelings. Even when we pretend that we don’t experience feelings, we still experience them somewhere deep inside. It's a pity that I can't speak directly. That each of us decides to push the truth of our experiences away and lie: to ourselves, to those around us and to the world. Where can we find the courage and sensitivity to tell the truth about our feelings and experiences? Where can I get the strength to help others express them? How to learn not to fall into a stupor, not to hide behind a fence, but simply to tell the truth. Pleasant, not very pleasant, or completely disgusting. The truth about me, about my feelings. One that does not hurt another, but helps to understand me better. What can I do to hear it without bringing my own projections? Just to see the world as it is without this huge tail, which overshadows everything simple and understandable in this world. Without this terrible filter that distorts reality and does not allow you to simply be. And while this is not there, there is fatigue. Tired of having to fight. You need to forgive, be offended, worry. Suffer, ask yourself questions and freeze. Cage feelings and wait for better times. I'm like a hungry wolf looking for support. I'm waiting for someone to be ready to understand me. I feel really thirsty. I just want to talk to someone honestly. Without flattery and feigned politeness. Let everything be as it is. With pain and protest. To face without fear. So tired of life with frills. Why do I push away when I want support? When I want to say help, I say something completely different. I get confused, twisted and afraid. I’m afraid that they won’t understand, that they will say “stupid”, that they will stop loving me or turn away. Although, so what of this? Why is this hypocrisy? Why am I playing this game. Why am I pretending to be crazy when I'm almost cured of madness? I want to talk about feelings. I want the truth. But with whom? Nobody can even ask again! Doubt your fucking distorted perception!!! No, not the truth, directness, honesty! Directly and honestly about feelings, the response is MY, not what Manya would have done in such a situation... What about me? It's nonsense - say it, boring - say it straight! Here's help!!! Not when they lie to you, reassuring you that you are normal, everything is fine, but honestly! You're driving! This is not for me! I'm bored! I'm bored! I don't want to hear! I don't want to know! I don't need it. Don't treat me! Don't get it! I'm not involved in this! I won't! I'm grossed out! You are lying! Do not flatter me! I want it so much! I need it to be exactly like this. I know what I need! I'll figure it out myself! Don't tell me that. I'm not happy! Discuss with me! I want like this!