An interesting title for an article, in the process you will feel this paradox. Both in my life and in communication with people, with friends, with listeners of my practices, I often observe conflicting feelings that fundamentally complicate life. I will give an example of a recent dialogue between me and a client; this topic comes up often. A woman comes in and says: the relationship with my mother is very difficult, constant pressure, I’m already 40, and she’s always interfering with life, I try not to talk about life, the conversation is kept to a minimum, so that she doesn’t worry again and doesn’t bother her with her care and attention. care, which is very pressing, I don’t feel free and happy, and lately I’ve started to have very unkind thoughts in my mother’s relationship and I just don’t have the strength to live under such pressure, I addressed and sorted out these situations in different ways, and did different practices and went to constellations - something seems to be changing, but not for long. And I don’t live my own life and she’s not like a mother, but like my child, I feel this stupid responsibility. I understand that all my life I’ve been trying to please her so that she doesn’t touch me, and all my life I’ve been making mistakes, I got married, got divorced, raised a child on my own, became successful, bad again, because “a normal woman should be with her husband,” all the time I live my life with a feeling of being unfinished. Question: How often do you remember your mother in everyday life? Do you feel your mother’s presence in everyday life, and if so, at what moments? - She is like an eternal phantom, if something happened, I made some mistake, or some problem happened, the image of my mother appears, I feel the need to justify myself, I feel the desire to disappear. - And in moments of happiness, do you remember your mother? - No, honestly. Only when I do different practices to fill her with love or birth practices, then I always remember - I try to send her love, but more often I feel a block in my chest. - Do you feel that you should hide the fact of what is happening to you - if, as you think, it is a mistake, according to your mother, and you should not show her your experiences? - Yes, of course. If I tell my mom about my feelings...brrr, I can't even imagine that. I immediately hear accusations, silent reproaches, or the phrases: “it’s my own fault,” which I heard from early childhood whenever I experienced any pain. - How do you feel, if your mother was calm and calmly accepted all your feelings, experiences, events in your life, would you live differently? - Hmm... I never thought about it. I think yes. What she is going through puts a lot of pressure on me, I feel like a violator of her peace. I constantly live in a feeling of guilt for what my mother is going through and try my best to live so that she doesn’t ask unnecessary questions. - Tell me, what is your primary goal - to live freely or to take care of my mother’s peace of mind? - It seems to me that to live freely, but I can’t say right now. Any event evokes the image of a mother, it’s like an assessment of what I’m doing, some kind of supervisor. - How do you feel, if you are happy and free, live in love and prosperity, will mom stop her worries? - No, she, of course, will find It’s something to worry about, but I won’t have anything to do with it. - That is, the main tension in your life is brought by the idea that you are the source of your mother’s anxiety, right? Do you feel guilty not because you live somehow incorrectly in your understanding of life, but precisely because your life causes concern for your mother? - Yes, exactly. And the longer I live, the more I want to get rid of her, before I could speak calmly, even kindly, I had a sincere desire to protect her, over the years I only feel irritation, I seem to want to protect her, but I just can’t, desire The only thing is to avoid these conversations, her questions, her comments. - It turns out that you have a goal to protect your mother from anxiety and the source of this anxiety is your feelings and your life in general, it turns out that you want to protect your mother from herself? Do you feel like you are a threat to mom? - I never do.I didn’t think so, but what you say very much reflects how I feel. Yes, I perceive myself as a disturber of my mother’s peace.... To be continued, but this is enough for our analysis. These feelings are very common, not only among women, but also among men, not necessarily in relation to the mother, they can be in relation to any person, life, God. Our task is to disassemble and eliminate the cause in order to change the effect. The consequence is a feeling of guilt. What is the destructive effect of guilt on life? How do you feel when you feel guilty(ish)? It doesn’t matter whether you blamed yourself or someone voiced your subconscious thoughts about your actions out loud. Usually there is a feeling of two poles. The victim’s behavior is a feeling of shame, disgrace, a desire to sink into the ground, a feeling of insignificance, a desire for punishment, eyes on the floor, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, and so on. The behavior of a tyrant is aggression, defense, reactive attack, search for protective resources (memory, and you yourself, and you are also good, look at yourself...). Okay, there was an exchange of opinions and emotions. The victim was accused - she pleaded guilty and went to drag out her existence with the deepest feeling of pain and the expectation of a well-deserved punishment. The tyrant was accused - with his aggressive rebuff, he pretended that he did not feel guilty and with a feeling of victory, he went on with his life and waited for the next assault and accusation. Both one and the other form of emotions are accompanied by pain and destruction of the dignity of the individual for life, especially for some kind of joyful, prosperous and happy life. And people rarely think about why, why and whether it could be somehow different. Naturally, this situation ended and dissolved in the diversity of life, but emotions lay at the bottom of the subconscious in a thin layer, which begins to transmit energy into the world - I am guilty - I deserve punishment - I I don't deserve to live a free life. This broadcast attracts similar situations, suitable people who will unconsciously blame and the mind will perceive everything that happens as very objective events in life. Because each time subjectivity will turn into objectivity. That is, if a person primarily felt guilty before another person, this is a subjective assessment. If a person continues to accumulate a feeling of guilt in himself without freeing himself, gradually the person begins to violate the norms of society, then the norms of the law, then the norms of the universe, and in the end a person can experience such internal pain - that it becomes quite appropriate for him to kill another, because his life is so terrible - that unconsciously he strives for liberation through death. Well, the destructive side has been dealt with. I have conducted classes many times on the topic of forgiveness and punishment, at one time I myself deprived people of their freedom, quite legally, after that I myself violated multiple civil and criminal laws, I also dealt with criminal cases, considering various controversial issues, I have been involved in psychological and psychological issues for 7 years. spiritual practice... my observations are quite diverse and in my classes I often hear protests that one cannot forgive everything! And once again - I say it’s possible, but I don’t force anyone to do this, this is already freedom of choice and a degree of awareness. It really seems to us that if you forgive, then the person will do it again and commit a more terrible act, but the punishment will somehow correct him and he will be afraid to commit again. And this is the most important thought in this article, “BE AFRAID TO COMMIT” - this is the root of all subsequent mistakes. Why? Because, after punishment, the very purpose of the life activity of the energy system (human) changes - instead of living and developing (gaining new experience, improving the past ), a person is controlled by one goal to avoid mistakes. While these situations are minor - misconduct is minor and everyday, the more the feeling of guilt settles in the subconscious, the more decisively a person violates various boundaries. And in fact - a person does not have a conscious goal - to disrupt, break, hurt someone, touchsomeone's interests - in no case. Consciously, a person continues to strive for happiness, freedom, creation, and life, but subconsciously, with a feeling of guilt, a person strives for self-destruction, self-destruction, the destruction of life around, in other words, death. The reason why people blame? There are so many reasons here and they are so deep and centuries-old that the very awareness of the reasons does not change our behavior, not in relation to ourselves, nor in relation to the world as a whole. The reasons are fears of survival, when a person is forced to survive, wild nature, saber-toothed tigers, hurricanes, then power, pressure from kings, repression, wars, revolutions - at some time, aggression, anger, force - helped humans survive as a biological species, forcing individuals defended themselves, after which the individuals united, surviving together became easier and more interesting. Afterwards, with the advent of means of exchange (money), physical survival moved to the material level, and then to the spiritual and moral level. And in this situation, the previous generation sacrificed something in order for the next generation to survive: someone put their life, their interests, money, health, happiness on the sacrificial altar for the sake of the future of humanity, country, society, family, child; someone, on the contrary, paid for their freedom of speech, freedom of behavior - with health, money, happiness, and so on. And all these events and feelings have not disappeared anywhere - they continue to flow from body to body, during conception and formation of the fetus, and then during the development of the human child in the midst of these feelings, thoughts and other delights with which the environment is saturated))). the feeling of guilt is more subtle, that is, now a person often feels guilty not for murder, but for actions, for words, for thoughts, for freedom, for the feeling of joy that his parents were deprived of, for the feeling of prosperity and freedom that his parents were deprived of. The higher the level of consciousness, the more subtle the perception and manifestation of guilt, but the feeling of guilt is the same. Punishment creates pain, not awareness. Pain gives rise to a new form of aggression and violence, moral, psychological, physical, ethical, moral, religious - it doesn’t matter much - this is not freedom. Where freedom is limited, the need for control and power arises, which in turn gives rise to the suppression of one and the encouragement of the other. And in the process of a long separation, virtue becomes a source of sacrifice and evil, and evil becomes a liberator. We all watched films with bad and good heroes at some time and often our sympathy fell on the side of the “bad guys - Robin Hood”, we blame Koshchei, and we defend Ivanushka, we admire Superman, who punishes the bad guys, we take the side of the “Brigade”, which lives in freedom, breaking the laws... - although the essence does not change - this is a fight, it doesn’t really matter who is on which side. Returning to the beginning: How to stop defending yourself, attacking, defending yourself from the dangers of the world, saving people from yourself, how to stop wanting death and killing yourself in various ways that supposedly give pleasure? How? It’s simple, all the scriptures talk about this in different languages ​​and symbols - both the ancients and the writings trumpet this to us - Practice FORGIVENESS. You don’t have to be able to, you don’t have to force yourself, in practice I often come across this - people try to force themselves to be someone -who are not... trying to convince and force yourself - this form of violence, presented in the package of goodwill, you should simply develop forgiveness with the awareness of your benefit. In consultations, when it comes to practice, I often hear: - I want to, but I can’t - I’ve already done 50 practices - it doesn’t work, as soon as I remember about it, it immediately starts to twitch - as soon as I realize how much I’ve done in my life, It’s not clear how the earth carries me, I want to kill myself, but I don’t raise my hands, so I slowly poison myself with nicotine, alcohol, cholesterol - in general, I strive for a wooden house as early as possible, in the subconscious hope that death will serve as liberation from.