Marital therapy, it’s always interesting to look behind the scenes of the process. - I feel driven, tortured, I’m carrying everything on myself, all the time I think about his health, how to organize his (our) leisure time. It’s important for me that he not only works, but also spends time with his family and children. The children are growing up, he doesn’t see them. I’m tired of carrying all this on myself for so many years. At this time, my husband frowns and turns away, he doesn’t want to hear it. The wife continues to complain: “It seems to me that he doesn’t love me, I feel abandoned.” I have to deal with everything. I ask my husband how he feels about this? He replies that his wife sometimes behaves like his mother. He doesn't like it. But everything suits him, he came to the reception so as not to offend his wife. This is already good! His wife complains that he is not at home at all, they don’t see him. There are also problems with sex, it seems to her that she has become uninteresting to him, he avoids intimacy. He has a business that is quite successful. Large house, plot. Two children. The wife takes care of the house and children. He works part-time for his development and pleasure. When the wife had already said a lot, the husband decided to speak out too. It turned out that he can’t stand it when his wife behaves like a “teacher”, she teaches him everything about life, demands something, makes claims on him. When and what he should eat, when and where to go, what to do. He works hard to provide for his family, and he does his best for them. I asked him how he feels about his wife’s concern for him? He said he was tired and sometimes didn’t want to go home. He dreams of coming home, taking a break from work, but at home everyone again expects something from him and makes complaints. The wife is suffocating with such care, demands too much attention. Since everyone is not satisfied with such care, then maybe this needs to be changed? The wife is tired of caring. I even got the impression that she seemed to be trying to live her life for him. So she is not indifferent to his affairs, his food, communication with children, etc. The husband is tired of such overprotection and control. Question to the couple: How does mom care? How does a wife take care? What is the difference? We dug up a lot of interesting things through brainstorming: 1. Mom is a big figure, and the one she cares for seems small. Little fool. Not able to take care of himself, so he needs to be controlled, looked after, reminded all the time. Here the husband was indignant that he was a grown man, he didn’t need to be looked after, he himself knew and understood everything perfectly.2. When a wife begins to behave like a mother, the man begins to behave habitually with his mother. Moreover, if the relationship is not very healthy, the mother tries to take care of her already adult son, he develops protest behavior, he begins to rebel, tries to break out of care. Here the wife was glad that her husband was not yet behaving like a teenager, although there are prerequisites for this . The husband was surprised how long he endured.3. And the most interesting thing is that mom is a holy woman! But they don’t sleep with saints. There is no sex in such a relationship. No matter how much a son loves his mother, no matter how grateful he is to her, incest is prohibited here. Here is gratitude, respect, worship, anything, but not sex. It is clear that when a wife replaces a mother, the sexual component in a couple’s relationship disappears. The wife pretended that she did not understand what she was talking about. The husband, on the contrary, became all red, perked up, and began gesticulating with his hands, trying to explain to his wife.4. Unlike a mother, a wife is a sexually attractive object for a man. A man wants to win her, prove to her how tough he is, show her what he is capable of. This is where healthy instincts come into play. A sexually attractive woman does not want to “wipe the snot” of her man. She is waiting for a mammoth from him, which he will bring to her cave. And the man is proud that he can do this. Here the husband importantly pointed out that he is bringing home booty! The wife just has to recognize his contribution to the family and agree that she can relax, stop controlling and patronizing him. Everyone took a breath. I agree with all the points, like it! What do you think about this?