(working with metaphor in the therapy of sexual dysfunctions and disharmonies) He who chews lives the same way...(ts)...Many people's hearts are like stomachs...(ts)...The secret of a happy life is to eat what you love. (M. Twain)... Do you remember where the fall of mankind began? And why did God expel Adam and Eve from Paradise? In a simplified version of events - formally, Adam and Eve were “deported” from Paradise for an attempt on the integrity of the apple... knowledge... (i.e., for "gastronomic addictions?") But, seriously, then: “The knowledge of the laws of good and evil - in fact, the laws of moral norms and moral restrictions - gave rise to an exclusively human feeling of shame, followed by a feeling of guilt, anxiety and fear...” (L.M. Shcheglov ) As a result, sexuality - a natural manifestation of the desire for life, a source of creativity and pleasure, has turned into a territory “overloaded” with fears, suffering and trauma... Even discussing this topic is indecent for many... When the conversation about sexuality comes up in psychotherapy, most people begins to explain itself vaguely and in general phrases, for example: “Something is wrong with this...”, “I have some kind of problem with this”... It turns out that: “Everyone does it, but no one talks about it.” "...Discussing sexual relationships is not easy...even with a therapist, even if these problems are the main reason for treatment...What to do? If the client has difficulties in working with the topic of sexuality, you can use a metaphor associated with sex: a sentence some kind of game, dinner together, invitation to a date. Sometimes metaphorical communication contains more information than direct communication. Sexologists like to resort to “food” metaphors to describe the characteristics of the sexual sphere, discuss sexual preferences and the necessary conditions for entering into intimacy - what excites, what pushes to sex, what sexual stimulation is necessary, what is desired the pace of development of sexual relations, what happens directly during it, what happens after it, what doesn’t suit you, which elements of intimacy are important and which of them are not realized, what would you like to achieve? Etc. Why “food metaphors”? Yes, if only because it is easier for most people to talk about food than about sex...Sex and hunger rule the world...These are two most powerful forces that have been driving and governing humanity for thousands of years... - S. Freud once said...Modern psychologists (and sexologists) find many similarities in attitudes towards food and sex, for example, they argue that both of these activities are inextricably linked with pleasure - as a person satisfies one need, so, most likely, he deals with the other. Hence the theme of perversions, gluttony, culinary delights... as indulgence in intemperance in everything... That is. “a person eats in the same way as ... has sex.” Folklorists note that the act of eating food quite often acts as a metaphor for intimate connection. It is no coincidence that in the cultures of many nations the concept of sexual intercourse and eating is denoted by the same word - “taste, taste”... Sociologists openly say that the modern “fast food power” is destroying the relationship between a man and a woman... “Translators” of pop culture psychology (and especially the great folk wisdom of women) insist - “to find out the sexual type of a partner, you should go with him to a restaurant that he chose himself”...... It is generally accepted that the choice of food, the features of its preparation, the speed of the consumption process, "entourage" (the totality of environmental conditions; setting), etc. can give access to aspects of building sexual relationships (choice of a partner, courtship process, sexual intercourse itself (duration, dynamics), speed ("quickly" between cases, or thoroughly), etc....What do you think: “Is there a relationship between the attitude towards food and sex?” Before answering, let’s do a little research... Instructions: “Dream Dinner” technique (Brigitte Martel) stage 1. Tell us abouthow you eat in your daily life. - Where do you usually eat? How often do you do this when not at home? - Do you eat alone or in company? - Do you cook for yourself, do you cook for others (and then for whom?) or does someone do it for you (for you)? If you do it yourself, how long does this process take you? If they cook for you, then who and what? - What do you eat? Convenience foods or natural products that require time to prepare? Who chooses them and how? What kind of dishes are usually on your table, what are they? “Complex” or simple? Are they familiar to your culture or exotic? How often do you “experiment” with food? - What temperature, taste and aesthetic characteristics do the dishes have? - How are the dishes and the table decorated when served? - Do you often pay attention to how you eat? If yes, how do you eat? Are you aware of this process? You greedily pounce on food and destroy it within a minute, or slowly “enjoy” it. “Do you read, talk, daydream or think about something while you eat? How often does it happen that your mind becomes “overwhelmed” with anxiety about the possibility of being late for work or some important meeting? How often do you, while eating, think about the outcome of the ventures in which you are about to take part? How often do you swallow a newspaper with your food?” (F. Perls) - How often do you experience pleasure and what is it like? Etc. Stage 2. Now, imagine “the dinner of your dreams...” Imagine, turn off the “censorship”, and describe it in as much detail as possible, including everything that may never have happened (and could not have happened) in real life, but what could give you pleasure... tell us where you are having dinner, with whom, who “serves”, what is on the table, how it is served, is there anyone with you and around you, how do you eat food - look at the food for a long time, enjoying conversation, music, etc. or do you attack her straight away? And so on. …Stage 3. How does this compare to your sex life? Compare stages 1 and 2. The difference between what you have and the “dream dinner” is what you are missing in your sex life... Now, let’s talk... about food and sex... What gives psychologists the basis to compare the process of eating and sexual relations with a partner? ...Eating is one of the conditions for survival. Sex, if we take into account the reproductive function, is also a condition for the survival of humanity, and the “continuation in eternity” of an individual (his genotype)... Food is the most basic thing in life, everyone depends on it, you will die without it... Sharing food, means sharing life... (Osho) Food and sex are sources of pleasure, and food is the first of the pleasures that a person experiences from the moment of birth. The first phase of pleasure in a child's development is oral, and this is feeding... This pleasure remains with us forever. Only after a few years does the child discover the other phases of pleasure, and the genital phase is still oh so far away (you can’t argue with Freud)... They often say about a loved one in a fit of tenderness: “My sweetie... I would have eaten that!” ” ... And, on the contrary, unpleasant, repulsive people are those who are “not digested.” When entering into a close relationship with another person, for example, by kissing, we taste his taste, we “absorb” him. Just as we take energy from food, we take the energy of the one we kiss and share ours in return... To eat means to make it a part of ourselves, to become one. Eating is identified with acquisition, appropriation, acceptance... To enter into sexual relations is to know... (and for a woman in the literal sense “to accept and let into oneself”)... “A man is what he eats” (L. Feuerbach), and I would add – “how he eats” and “what he cannot eat.” How are our eating habits formed? “Think back to your childhood and answer the following questions: What are your earliest memories of food? Do you remember choosing semolina or peas when you were little? Of course not... Your mother fed you, and even if you spat out the food, your mother most likely had the last word: shepushing the spoon into your mouth until you gave in and swallowed the food. And even when you grew up, your food preferences were largely determined by the “contents of your parent’s refrigerator.” And who decided what should be in it? That's right, the parents decided... And your mother and father most likely ate what was stored in their parents' refrigerators, and your grandparents ate what was in their parents' refrigerators, and so on ad infinitum "... (Michael Matteo) Than this mechanism differs from our sexual script - “who, what, with whom, where, when, how and why should, can or should not and cannot do sexually”?..., which also develops primarily under the influence environment (even if your parents (our childhood Gods) never talked to you about sex, they demonstrated their attitude towards it). Sexuality is an area where we can find many introjects - uncritically perceived norms and attitudes (not because it is “correct”, but because an authority said so, the majority believes in it, etc.), most of which have the type of rules or prohibitions (for example: “A woman should not take the initiative in relationships,” remember how Eve’s “initiative” ended?) emanating from our environment. These introjects are part of our upbringing, during which the child begins to imitate and appropriate what he is told, and learns the rules of life in society. He can “eat the contents of his parent’s refrigerator” all his life, but if he develops correctly, he will subsequently “chew” what they tried to “instill” in him: he will leave what is “right” for him and discard what is unnecessary, i.e. he will make the right choice for himself. Without learning to “chew”, we will only swallow everything indiscriminately; but such a life is unlikely to bring us satisfaction. A child who has refused to even try a “new” product all his life often discovers as an adult that he missed out on something very, very worthwhile... At one point or another, each of us must take responsibility for filling our “personal refrigerator.” Even if “you risk being expelled from your parents’ paradise”...You should think about what to put there, and not rely on old habits. The willingness to change what did not suit us in childhood is a key indicator of personal maturity and responsibility for the choices we make...... When it comes to nutrition, each of us has our own preferences, determined by our own tastes in relation to specific products... "Some people love spicy food, others not. Some people like sweets, others don't. Some people can't walk past a buffet without drooling, while others would rather die than stand in line at a self-service restaurant. Much in modern relationships is determined by personal tastes and preferences... I.e. most of us “don’t go hungry”...and can afford to choose what we like based on nutritional and sexual needs and desires...But are we really consciously choosing? We live in an era of consumerism. We have been consuming for the sake of consumption for a long time... We strive to comply... “Catch up and overtake”... We live in a “crazy world”, a “crazy rhythm”. We are in a hurry to live. And this applies equally to both the choice and method of eating and relationships. Today we eat and enter into relationships, trying to spend as little time as possible on it... We are immersed in the world of fast food (both in food and in relationships ). Fast food can be called any fast food eaten on the run, or during a snack...Fast food is most consistent with the “pace of modern life”, in which food breaks become shorter, if not completely absent, and we have no time to be aware of the choice and process of eating. Hot and cold, bitter and sweet, spicy and fresh, soft and hard... What's the difference? The main thing is affordable and fast. The habit of “fast” food has seduced a person seriously and almost irreversibly. Why cook when you can?reheat the semi-finished product? Just buy and heat up! Or, even better, buy ready-made fast food. And we buy - “burgers”, ready-made broths, peeled and chopped vegetables... etc. How does this relate to sexual relationships? Fleeting meetings, light flirting, quick sex - all this becomes entertainment, a non-binding attraction, a pleasant pastime ... (“sex is not a reason to get to know each other”). Today, few people are surprised by open relationships (not only among men, but also among women), frequent changes of partners, the presence of lovers and mistresses, sex for one night, relationships “for sports or health” and the like... Fast food is “food and sex “quickly”, the goal of which is the fastest possible release, there is no time for legibility and no time for gourmet (more often, of course, observed in men, but in our time this is not a fact). Food can be ordered on the Internet “at home” (and a sexual partner too, choosing from the “catalogue of offers”...), there would be “money and desire”...Fast food is a lighter version of gastronomic culture, the embodiment of the idea of ​​“equalization”, speed and accessibility...Etiquette when consuming fast food is as simplified as possible: instead table setting, the need to use traditional utensils - disposable substitutes (surrogates)... We have long forgotten that eating, in addition to utilitarian functions, also performs many other (socio-psychological) functions... Previously, eating always meant communication..." Human culture began with kitchens - when food cooked over a fire gathered men, women and children around itself, transforming them into co-diners. The daily common meal served as the basis for the stability and integrity of the family. Eating in every family (as in every culture) was accompanied by its own unique traditions, rituals, public and unspoken rules. They affected both the form of eating (time, place, order of seating at the table, etc.), and its (food) “content” (menu, quantity and sequence of dishes and alcoholic drinks, culinary preferences and prohibitions)" (Nartova -Bochaver S.K., Bochaver K.A., Bochaver S.Yu.) Food had two authors - a man who was its “breadwinner” and a woman - the “keeper of the hearth” who “cooked” - made the food suitable for "civilized consumption" ... "Today, the family meal, which for centuries has helped to form close relationships, is becoming an increasingly rare occurrence. It is being replaced by a culture of fast food (fast food), which transforms and “levels” gender roles, weakens family ties and “erases” cultural differences (characteristic of national cuisine and traditions)" ... (I. Sokhan) Fast food is displacing itself the idea of ​​eating as an act of communication... It presents two options for consumption - alone or “in between” by the analogy of “food as fuel”, necessary to move on, to get enough as quickly as possible... and eating in an extremely public place, “where everyone with everyone and at the same time everyone on their own” (for example, “McDonald’s”). The same thing happens in sexual relationships... If sex is “relaxation” (or “charging”), then what difference does it make with whom - “quietly, on your own with yourself” or with “the first person you meet” - the main thing is that it is affordable, quickly and without unnecessary costs (emotional ones in the first place), but “not all yoghurts are equally healthy” - the advertisement warns us... In fast food for the sake of external “gloss”. "and long-term storage, chemical additives are widely used - storage agents, flavorings that change (and replace) the natural taste, color and content of products ... "Compare a head of broccoli that was lovingly grown and recently picked by a farmer, and broccoli that was treated with chemical sprays, frozen and transported from place to place in a refrigerator... You may not see the difference, you may not even taste the difference (although I'm pretty sure you will!), but you can tell the difference! The difference is in Quality. Quality is something that we are often unaware of, but which is at the very heart of any Quantity. In the case of the two heads of broccoli, you may realize thatwhat you don’t know and what isn’t obvious: where the broccoli comes from, how it’s grown, what goes into it, etc. Quality doesn’t just include how “good” or “healthy” the product is. Quality also refers to the nature of the food, to its individuality.” (Steve Gagne) Even if a person is a “machine”…the behavior of the car on the road depends on the quality of the “fuel” poured “into the tank of the car.” If we use low-quality “gasoline”, “no one will go anywhere”... “If we eat low-quality food, we will feel bad until the food is completely eliminated from the body. Emotions and feelings are what drive human relationships. If a relationship is fueled by positive emotions, it strengthens and becomes a source of strength for many years. On the other hand, if they are fueled by negative feelings, this leads to stress and unpleasant feelings, and the person feels every “bump in the road”….” (Michael Matteo).The “Relationship Cookbook” is the choice of products and style of cooking, often analogous to the search and interaction with a partner... There is a whole science behind choosing quality fruits and vegetables at the market (the four Ps: sniff, press, sort and taste )…(Michael Matteo).For many, the process of choosing a partner also comes down to the rule of several “Ps”: “attractive”, “pleasant”, “solvent”, etc.…… From time to time we all come across sour grapes, rotten apples and crushed eggplants. But this does not prevent us from enjoying and benefiting from fresh fruits and vegetables......I don’t know about you, but I’m curious about “food preferences,” and, in particular, “whether a person tends to eat food alone or in company. He eats only next to loved ones, or is ready to talk to anyone over food. He eats in solitude, or next to a source of information: a TV or a computer. Using these criteria, in a conversation you can explore what a person is more inclined to, towards autonomy in his emotional contacts. , or to the public"…Who treats whom and what with what is also a characteristic of relationships. How much time was spent preparing dinner, in which even the bread came from a bread machine, shows the degree of interest in another... The manner of eating in the presence of other people can also express respect or disrespect, cause a feeling of disgust and a desire to leave. It is no coincidence that the rules of etiquette pay great attention to the manner of behavior at the table, recognizing this area as very significant and nuanced in terms of the content of environmental messages. “And how he ate! Slowly, carefully, a napkin on your knees, the knife and fork don’t rattle <…> Not to satisfy hunger, but just for beauty, like how people play or dance on the piano. Our people don’t eat like that, even if you kill them…” - this is how the beginning of the novel by L. Ulitskaya’s heroes “The First and the Last” is described. At the same time, the subject of discussion can be both coincidences and non-coincidences of processes... Fast food is also like food (McDonald’s is a restaurant), and casual sex is a relationship, but isn’t it time to think about what “nourishes” you in life ( and “kills”) and why? We want to try new things... We consume more and more with our eyes - by seeing advertising - beautiful pictures and tempting inscriptions on product packaging... “Eat my apple!” - the biblical serpent persuades, “Taste my pie!” provokes, seduces, encourages (and excites) the heroine of Russian folk tales - taste what you initially intend to ignore... Compare with advertising that persistently encourages us to try a new product or taste a previously unfamiliar dish: “Try the new Orbit pads!”; “Don’t slow down - grab a snickers!”... The advertisement also actively promotes “gastronomic tourism” - “exotic” - “Meet the Peking duck!” or the new “overseas” sauce…. We “choose”, seduced by the “picture and novelty”...of a product or...a person, because for many people a person has long become an object (product) of consumption... We, at the same time, are “eaters and food”... “Either we consume, or we”..."Everyone chooses in his own way"... We strive with all our might to be those who choose and can afford... "the mostthe best, anywhere, anytime.” Sex and “elite food” are relevant in modern times as a way of self-affirmation. There should be a lot of sex, and the food should be “expensive and fashionable.” Our partners must meet certain requirements for sexual attractiveness, which can be reduced, first of all, to “model” and, most importantly, fashionable at a given time, external data... We consume a sought-after “image”... Whether in sex or in food, the main thing is presence symbols of success and status...How did we get here? (Have they come to this?) “Women are to blame!” - many men will say. After all, it was they who stopped preparing everyday food altogether - they stopped constantly updating the ancient archetypal “thread” between family members, which determines their unity, and destroyed the “woman-food” connection that had existed since childhood. Now the time that should be spent on cooking and sharing a meal is alienated in favor of work. If our ““grandmother and mother daily made great sacrifices to the oven, worshiped the totemic meat grinder, sprinkled frying pans with unctuous oil and performed other dances with tambourines in their kitchen temple , then a modern woman, in most cases, is not ready for them "... "When a woman loves a man, she likes to cook food for him. Love flows through food. Food prepared by a woman who loves you has a different quality..." (Osho ). With their reluctance to “feed” and care, women “undermine the institution of the family”... “Men are to blame!” - many women will say. They are always hungry (for a man, “sex is a hunger that cannot be satisfied”), and hungry people can eat a lot... they are indiscriminate, almost any food will do for them, and therefore a woman... Even rubber... (like fast food).. “If a man can’t afford an expensive French restaurant, let him go to McDonald’s. Or cook for himself.”...And in general, “no matter how much you feed them at home, they still strive to “have a snack on the side...”, “diversify the diet”...- “ Feed” plenty and “experiment”... Have you seen “Nine and a Half Weeks”? Have you seen what you can do even with familiar products...?” - the men retort...Is it important to find who is to blame? The main thing is what to do? Are there gender differences in food consumption (and sexual relations)? Research shows: Amount of food consumed: a man is “appropriate” to eat a lot and require supplements, a woman should limit consumption... Eating style: male: food consumption mouth full, in large pieces, women's - reservedly, in small pieces... Preference for certain foods: man: eating meat foods and demonstrating this as a confirmation of masculinity... woman: eating light foods (vegetables, fruits, fish, etc. ), as a confirmation of femininity...Attitude to healthy eating and diets: in nutrition, women are more concerned with issues of health, weight control, etc., men are aimed primarily at enjoying the taste...(Gromasheva O.A.) Doesn’t this remind you traditional stereotypical “specifics” of attitudes towards sex in men and women? For example: The sexual needs (“hunger”) of men are higher than those of women... A man needs, first of all, sex (“meat”), he often reduces the entirety of relationships to sex, and sex to intercourse - “the insertion of the penis into the vagina, culminating in orgasm.” All other sexual interaction is classified by them as optional “foreplay”, and only this is the real thing, for which everything was intended... Women have more complex relationships with food and sex... According to research by sexologists, many men really only need sex from sex , that is why their “selection standards” are so greatly reduced - they consider almost all the women they see as potential partners (I think, after all, we are talking about young - hyperactive men, because closer to old age in most men, food begins to cause more interest than sex). On the contrary, the more a woman is interested in having sex, the more selective she becomes. Sexually hyperactive girls choose farnot everyone who offers... They are interested in dominant, outwardly attractive and caring representatives of the stronger sex. Researchers believe that at the subconscious level, even from short affairs, women potentially still expect the birth of children, which means they are looking for suitable fathers and partners...... For most women, “everything is complicated” with food (and sex) in general... A modern woman will think ten times before eating something... She is obsessed with the “cult of a thin body” - it is important to her how she looks, and for this she has learned to “control” the process... and often stop herself at the moment of desire... Chocolate candy or a piece pizzas evoke in the average woman a whole “gamut” of feelings - desire-passion-shame-pleasure-guilt... If she “sins”, she prefers to do it secretly - to hide, because in the open she eats what she wants (food, consumption which is condemned due to its harm to the figure) - shameful. Many women are also ashamed to openly display their sexual preferences, or at least difficult, not to mention “indulging” them... Women often endow food with qualities that are not inherent to it... They seek solace in the wrong source... Food For them there is always more than just food, and sex is more than sex. In food and in relationships, a woman seeks, first of all, emotions. Both food and sex are sources of emotions... Different emotions... “Big girls don’t cry. They eat” (Lee Price) Without enjoying the relationship, women “eat up” problems... Food becomes an analogue and, gradually, a “substitute for sex.” “The intimate history of the relationship between a woman and food resembles the plot of a tragic novel - with undying passion, separation and self-deception , struggle, despair and the inevitable return of newly gained kilograms. A woman disappointed in a relationship is forced to constantly fight with a dangerous seducer, whose role is not a broad-shouldered macho man with animalistic, knock-down strength, but a chocolate cake that lies so sweetly on the plate and mentally melts in the mouth..." "Food is a metaphor for different paths, which we use to escape from ourselves."... Loneliness, state of mind and environment push women to succumb to their own weaknesses, because the surging emotions can only be drowned in the contents of the refrigerator."... "When we are unable to cope with unpleasant emotions, we tend to grasping at things to distract ourselves - food, television, alcohol, drugs” (Lee)... Such behavior is absurd, it only exacerbates our internal conflicts and prolongs suffering. It's like anesthesia that makes a woman not feel her real life... A woman experiences desire and strives to create desire in another... It's a matter of balance. The habit of “suppressing” your needs in a relationship, adapting to your partner, leads to “loss of appetite”... After all, this is a story of violence... “No emotions” from a relationship is tasteless, you don’t want to “eat”. The consequences are loss or decrease in sexual desire, anorgasmia and reluctance, in principle, to enter into a relationship... Of course, not everything is so bad. Many people, regardless of gender, know how to enjoy food, can distinguish the slightest shades of taste, and will never go to McDonald's or buy shawarma in a dubious eatery; they will go to a time-tested restaurant where their favorite dishes are prepared. They are gourmets, selective in their preferences. They have a refined sense of taste and are attentive to what dishes they consume and in what proportions. They firmly believe that “it is better to starve than to eat anything.” They feel “incomparably superior to the mass culinary soup”, they are not chasing quantity, but quality. This is their conscious choice, because it is tasty, healthy and safe. They know that there is sexy fast food, and there is exquisite sex, including not only satisfying physical needs, but also spiritual ones... But, it is necessary to spend time and effort on “preparing it”... You can “swallow food” in large pieces, practically without chewing, or you can leisurely “enjoy” the tastedishes, examine its colors and shades, subtleties and nuances, notice what it consists of, feel the aromas - ingredients and seasonings... slowly taste, listening to the taste sensations.. Realize what kind of dish it is - soft or hard? What is more in it - sweetness or sourness? Spicy or spice?......With such a conscious approach to food, you won’t eat much... And most importantly, you risk getting real pleasure and joy from food. Much more than if you take a plate of “sausage and pasta” and sweep everything off it while watching your favorite TV series, distracted by “external stimuli”... I do not presume to say that a relationship with food is ALWAYS an analogue of a relationship with a partner... And a person who usually greedily rushes to food and eats it in half a second, applies the same to relationships (in particular, sexual ones)... That is, he will DEFINITELY be like that in bed. He has no time for “savoring” food or intimacy... He would like to relieve tension as quickly as possible... I’m not saying that every time a person should approach food and relationships from the position of a gourmet and turn every meal and intimate act into a sophisticated action, performance , performance or show...Be a designer, entertainer and actor...Strive to constantly “cook beautifully”, “serve beautifully” and “eat beautifully”...It is a matter of principle not to sit at the table if it is served in some way incorrectly, as it should...: there are no starched tablecloths, silverware, antique porcelain and scented candles... And, so that every time before intimacy - first dinner in an expensive restaurant, and “so that it is “beautiful” ... and so that slowly, and that the wines are certainly “fine” and “seasoned”... And that you definitely rent a room on the top floor, sit leisurely, look out the window, admire the landscape, slowly kiss, play, enjoy silk linen and the “dying sunset”... .And so that a shower, then a long foreplay, then love itself, then lie quietly together, smoke, order coffee in the room, cognac, talk and fall asleep in your arms... I understand that, sometimes, it’s more important to just sleep... (“eat” )…And a simple “sausage and pasta” is just that…)Sex is in some way akin to cooking. People get carried away by it, buy books with intricate recipes and interesting pictures, sometimes, when they are especially hungry, they arrange real banquets in their imagination, but at the end of the day they happily settle for scrambled eggs. Terry Pratchett. Fifth Elephant, sometimes, in general, it is important to give up dinner and just talk (fantasize) about it... Sometimes... I am for DIVERSITY in relationships... Sometimes we fall into narcissism - and it is important for us to be “scarlet like silk”, and to directly “drown”, “choke” in the admiration of a partner”, and sometimes something else is important... simplicity, warmth, intimacy (if our neurotic part has “awakened”) or a subtle game of meanings and hints - the game “catch up with me if you can” ( if our schizoid part “rules the show”)...And in general, someone “loves with their eyes”: enjoying the external image - the “picture” (“visuals”), someone primarily reacts to speech - not only to the meaning words, but also the tone, sound and timbre of the voice ("audials"), someone perceives the world through the quality and variety of touches ("kinesthetics")... And remembering the "great folk wisdom of women": "A visual man, most likely, he will take you to a designer establishment with a beautiful interior... he will be located near the window or in that part of the establishment where there is more light - it is important for him to have a good overview, he will pay attention to the type of dishes, he will give you compliments and “eat” with his eyes... Audible - will take you to a restaurant with good music, will retire with you away from people and noise: it is much more important for him to hear and listen to you - and, of course, to himself... he will quickly gobble up dinner, or he will remember about food only after sharing something funny with you story that happened to him during the day..., but he will certainly pay attention to the timbre of your voice and will listen to you carefully... With kinesthetics, you will come to a place with comfortable seats and soft light... he will choose the most comfortable sofa there and, all evening will eat a lot and try