"Just think, “just sex”, satisfaction of sexual needs without love... It’s normal to satisfy your needs, including sexual ones, but why is there so much misunderstanding and resentment around this? and accusations? "Moral feelings. If two (or more) people initially agreed that it would be “just sex”, that love, fidelity, relationships and creating a family are not expected, but only satisfaction of needs is expected, then the main problem should there would be only one - from the realm of higher (moral) feelings. Satisfaction of sexual needs with the help of another person is the use of another person, even if he voluntarily agreed. If I eat a cutlet with a fork, then I use the fork as a tool to achieve my goal - to absorb the cutlet and satisfy my hunger. And not because I love this particular fork and want to hold on to it, because it is emotionally dear to me. The person who was used usually feels it, and feels pain. The person who used it usually feels it too, and also feels the pain. This is how moral feelings work. Even if for both it was “just sex” by mutual agreement, in the end both quite rightly feel “messed up.” From time to time I hear the question “Why is there such devastation and disgust after casual sex and you want to run away as soon as possible?” Including for the reason described above. This does not mean that “just sex” is “bad” and “impossible.” This is not about condemnation, but about the fact that this phenomenon also includes certain emotional experiences. Somewhere here, in the area of ​​higher feelings, are the experiences of being split into “sex” and “love.” No matter how a person asserts his rationality and ability to separate these concepts, inside he still feels self-deception, because “knows” within herself about the connection between sexual and emotional intimacy. Deception and self-deception. However, there are also difficulties with the initial agreement and there are already variations here. One clearly deceived the other that there would be a continuation in the form of love and relationships. There was no explicit discussion of the situation, one implied “just sex without obligations,” and the other assumed, that this is love. In order not to be disappointed, it makes sense to clarify the situation in a timely manner. One clearly voiced that it was “just sex,” and the second did not want to hear and accept it and remained in his illusions that there would be love. One clearly voiced that it was “just sex,” and the second did not want to accept it and hoped that he could change the situation and still melt his partner’s heart. One clearly voiced that it was “just sex,” and the second thought that he agreed that he also wanted “just sex,” but deep down the soul wanted love and hoped for a relationship. The fifth option is common and brings a lot of pain. Because formally everything is fine and there is nothing to complain about, but deep down there is resentment and pretension, a feeling of betrayal. Blaming your partner. Although there was not deception on the part of the partner, but self-deception and substitution of one’s own desires and needs. The sixth option, when the mood changed after sex and suddenly wanted love and relationships, is also possible. But often it is based on 3-5 options, when there was an initial need for love, and consent to “just sex” was illusory. Contrary to gender stereotypes, situations where a man expected a relationship, and for a woman it was “just sex”, also not uncommon. From the collection #lifeNotes. About sex. The collection is available on Litres and MyBook.PS The topic of use is developed in the following article “Sex and use".