From the author: My boundaries are my limitations, not the limitations of other people. Their limitations are their business. Not mine. I was thinking about the question - is it possible to achieve a goal if you do not violate the boundaries of another person? First, let’s clarify what the main boundaries are: 1. physical (for example, when someone touches us without our desire - this is a violation of physical boundaries); 2. spatial boundaries are, for example, the distance at which we feel comfortable communicating with another person; 3. time boundaries are the time we set aside for ourselves to make a decision (for example, I set a time limit for myself that I cannot wait more than 10 minutes for a late person); 4. property boundaries - (unwillingness for someone to take our things without asking, to invade our territory);5. sexual boundaries - we determine for ourselves what is acceptable for us in sex and what is not;6. psychological boundaries are what we allow others to do with our emotions and feelings, what kind of moral treatment we allow ourselves to be treated, etc. Boundaries are a kind of principles. For some they are formed, for others they are not. If a person’s own boundaries are blurred, he becomes a masochist, because... voluntarily puts himself in the power of another person, allows himself to be manipulated. Here is a quote from a user from a forum with masochistic attitudes: “Visually I’m a normal fighting guy :)) but inside there lives a “heel”, desire and fantasies of sexual humiliation, nurtured on such Internet porn content, plus in social and work activities I provoke and create situations that could initially be avoided, but I get into it because I feel bad, hurt and humiliated. There are even wilder examples. It also happens that a person knows his boundaries well and protects them, but violates the boundaries of others with enviable regularity - this is pure manipulator. A person can openly violate boundaries, and then at least they will say about him that he is ill-mannered. You can violate boundaries and indirectly, without direct influence. And although psychologists talk a lot about boundaries in psychotherapy, in fact these boundaries themselves are violated, only more often not explicitly, but hidden. After all, suggestion, directive or not, is also a kind of violation of boundaries. The psychologist is forced to overcome the client’s psychological boundaries, thereby invading his inner space. Sometimes this intrusion is very similar to a provocation. Quote from the forum: “I began to feel excited about the psychotherapist after I admitted that I felt tenderness and warmth towards her, and she said that she was interested in my feeling and she felt the excitement that was pushing me to action. I feel like my psychotherapist is playing with me, and it’s only making me worse.” When a psychotherapist shares such feelings, he is manipulating the client, because gives him hope for reciprocity. Let’s leave therapy aside, however, and take active sales or pickup training as an example. This is where the boundaries of other people, indeed, are constantly violated! Almost any training is designed to destroy a person’s psychological barrier, overcome his doubt, uncertainty and encourage him to act. The trainer says, for example: “You are afraid to call him, you are afraid that he will will he send you? Call. When they send you for the hundredth time, you won’t care.” The principle at work here is “it’s better to regret what you did than what you didn’t do.” And this is all about missed opportunities. In active sales, the seller’s task is to convince the buyer to buy a product or service from him. Is it possible to convince without violating other people's boundaries? After all, at trainings they teach that “you can lose a battle, but not a war” - if you refuse once, think about how to make the client agree another time. Or take a quarrel between spouses when both do not talk to each other. In this case, they also violate each other’s boundaries, choosing silence and resentment as a method of manipulation. A person with a victim psychology often places responsibility for respecting