“Love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31) In our usual understanding, altruism is considered to be unselfish concern for the good of others, complete sacrifice of oneself for the sake of someone or something. One of the famous examples of absolute altruism is the famous Mother Teresa. Of course, such behavior is commendable and deserves respect. Because it is altruists, perhaps more than anyone else, who are able to demonstrate exceptional care and patience towards others, while devoting almost all their time to them. And among the most pronounced abilities inherent in altruists, which are called relevant in Positive Psychotherapy, we can highlight: diligence, commitment, obedience and loyalty. However, we should not forget that sometimes altruism can take extreme forms. For example, it can be hyper-manifest, almost fanatical, when a person completely forgets about himself and the most basic needs, devoting himself entirely to caring for others. And then actual abilities in their manifestation may also turn out to be hyper-manifested, which is also not always good. Sometimes such altruistic fanaticism results in a situation when a person begins to try to help even when he was not asked to do so. Accordingly, the result risks becoming the exact opposite - in response, he can only receive dissatisfaction and reproaches. There are also cases when a person seems to be doing something for the sake of others, but he does not experience joy, like that inherent in true altruists. This may serve as a signal that subconsciously a person still expects some kind of gratitude for his help. Accordingly, without receiving it, a person finds himself in a situation of conflict, which in Positive Psychotherapy is called Actual. It arises in situations where expectations do not coincide with reality. Resolution of this conflict can occur in two possible ways: a) through directness, when needs/expectations are voiced directly; b) through politeness, when all emotions and experiences remain unexpressed and “driven” deep inside. I see the first solution as the most environmentally friendly - through directness. But only if a person knows how to speak constructively, so as not to provoke an even greater conflict with his excessive directness. Courtesy, on the contrary, can sometimes be harmful, because... suppressed emotions and experiences, being “driven” inside, come back every now and then and force a person to replay unpleasant thoughts in his head again and again, each time living them quite intensely. To avoid such situations, you need to be able to determine your true needs and motives. To do this, you can ask yourself control questions, such as: - What exactly am I doing and why? - What do I expect from others? - Does what I do bring me pleasure? — If not, what needs to be done to fix this? Even if the answers are not found immediately, then at least there will be a short pause for reflection and correct prioritization. Returning to the epigraph of this article, I would like to remind you that following the biblical principle is, of course, in itself good and correct. But the trouble is that some people do not always interpret it correctly. As a result, it turns out that caring for others comes at the expense of self-love. But it is written “love your neighbor AS yourself.” Consequently, a person will not be able to love others while he treats himself with insufficient care, tenderness and love. Love yourself and others and be happy! __________Tel.: +7 964 779 97 50Skype: v-timofeevaSite: http://www.vtimofeeva.ru/