In my group “It’s like that with you!” (you will find the link under this article), some time ago I did free anonymous analyzes of subscribers’ letters, which I want to share with you here. Girl, 27 years old , writes: “How to stop being afraid of men? Even with acquaintances, it’s uncomfortable to talk. I feel awkward.” The author, unfortunately, did not write whether this tension was always present in communication with men or appeared after some events. Therefore, we will build on the information that is available. Let’s immediately highlight two feelings that the author of the letter identifies as uncomfortable for himself - fear and shame (which includes awkwardness). Fear, as a rule, is directed at an external object, and shame is directed at oneself. If we were to analyze this situation in personal therapy, I would first be interested to know what kind of relationship with significant men (father or the one who raised, for example, grandfather) did the author of the letter have a history of? Were there any men in your life with whom fear and awkwardness were absent? Who were these men? Further, as I see it, this kind of fear may have several different root causes in meaning and content. For example, one option is if you have had negative experiences with men in the past, and then this fear will be specific and formalized. Most likely, fear will be associated not so much with “men” in general, but with “something about men,” with some specific quality. For example, “I’m afraid that a man might cause harm, and I won’t be able to fight back. He’s strong, and I’m weak” - as one of many options. Another option, when there is no experience of close communication with men as such or it’s minimal (that’s why I asked first about relationships with significant men from the family - this is important). If such men were absent in life, then in this place of internal space there will be a “blank spot” and fear will no longer be specific, but associated with the unknown. “I don’t know what to expect from men, so I’m afraid just in case.” An unexplored zone of experience. Here you can start by slowly exploring your fear: what exactly am I afraid of in men? Where does this fear come from - from real events in life or some negative attitudes that exist in your personal inner space? If these are attitudes (for example, “all men are aggressive and can cause harm” or “I will start to trust him, and he will take advantage of it” and others) - figure out where they came from, whose they are (it may turn out that they are not yours, but, for example , mother's). Next, regarding the awkwardness. Embarrassment is a feeling like shame. Shame, as I said above, is directed at yourself. More precisely, the discrepancy between the image of the real “I” and the ideal “I”, this gap between them. That is, in your head, for example, there may be an idea of ​​“how you should behave with men” and, in contrast to it, “but I’m not behaving like that,” or “I’m not like that myself.” This awkwardness too It would be good to investigate: what does she want to tell you? Perhaps in the process of this research you will also come to some conclusions regarding male-female relationships. And in these attitudes will lie the answer to your question. In order to start looking for answers, you need to go into your discomfort during communication: observe what kind of tension it is, where it is in the body, what do you want to do with it? It may even turn out that this will be an experience in the category of, for example, sexual arousal, which can also be tabooed by various attitudes, and then, not having the opportunity to manifest itself, it will be disguised as shame and fear. This is also one of many possible options. In general, I will not give you a magic potion that will instantly relieve you of discomfort when communicating with men, like the Wizard of the Emerald City. This process involves your exploration of yourself and subsequent work with those artifacts that you manage to discover in the process of this exploration. If it is difficult to unravel this