Have you ever had a situation in which you quarreled with a person to smithereens, without meaning to? Or, what’s worse, a conflict arose when trying to get closer to a person, to understand him better... Often this happens because of an incorrectly chosen way to broadcast one’s thoughts, desires, dissatisfaction, interest or need for an interlocutor. That is, the content that fills your words may be absolutely “correct,” but the chosen form of presenting this content provokes a completely undesirable result. Let’s look at an example: Today is Masha and Vanya’s wedding anniversary. Masha secretly prepared a romantic dinner for Vanya and was waiting for him from work, as usual, at 7 pm. Vanya, in turn, decided to organize a short trip for the couple for the weekend in honor of the holiday. And without any plans for the evening, after work Vanya went to arrange that very trip in order to please his wife later. Both spouses were in high spirits, everyone hoped for a pleasant development of events, and everyone made some effort to this. After some time, Mashin dinner got cold, the dress became wrinkled, and the mood soured. As luck would have it, Vanya’s phone battery ran out and he couldn’t be reached. Later, when Vanya arrives home, he is met by his offended and angry wife, and then a dialogue begins from the threshold... Let’s say this: “You don’t give a damn about me at all.” and don't care about our family! I will never do anything nice for you again! Now you, too, don’t mean anything to me! At this time, Vanya has one feeling replacing another: at first he is perplexed by such a “reception”; then he cannot understand what happened and why the wife says offensive words; and it all ends with anger associated with the unappreciated act of the spouse.... And in response to Masha he throws: “You are an ungrateful hysteric!” I worked here all evening for you, and you are as always! Selfish! It is not difficult to guess that further dialogue will most likely not end well, because people are capable of saying a lot of unpleasant words to each other when they are emotional. The holiday was ruined, there was a scandal in the family... But both wanted only the best. It’s a shame, isn’t it? Of course, if one had warned the other about his plans, the situation could have turned out completely differently, but, as we all know, “if he had known where to fall, he would have laid the straws.” In addition, it is worth understanding that in our example, each of the spouses hastened to blame the other and draw incorrect conclusions about him, which significantly increased the intensity of emotions and caused a quarrel. And in such a state, people are rarely capable of constructive dialogue. Therefore, it will be useful to learn how to correctly convey to your partner what is ALREADY HERE and NOW available, rather than trying to return to the past and look for the culprit there or reasoning “what would have happened if...” So, in order to prevent scandal and be able to convey your dissatisfaction to your partner, there is a fairly simple but proven technique. This technique is universal, it can be used in relation to a loved one, children, subordinates and in general with anyone. It consists in expressing all dissatisfaction (and not only discontent) not in the usual form of “YOU-messages” for many, but in form “I-message”. Consider our example, in which the Machine words “You don’t care about me at all and don’t care about our family” are “YOU-message”. “You-message” is an accusation of the interlocutor, giving him responsibility for what happened, claim, i.e. some kind of attack. And an attack, as we know, evokes a desire to defend ourselves. How? Well, for example, a counter attack. And then conflict cannot be avoided. “I-message” is a broadcast of your own reactions, experiences, desires in response to the actions (or lack thereof) of your partner, always in conjunction with an explanation of why this is important for you. Let’s look at how to construct a phrase, so that it turns into an “I-message”: 1. It is worth starting a phrase with a description of a fact that you do not like in the behavior of another person. Wherein.