... I lived my days as a sheep, while my whole being was eager to hunt in the savannah. And I obediently walked where the shepherds drove me, from pasture to barn, from barn to pasture. She went to where, in their opinion, the sheep was supposed to be. I knew that this was not right. And I knew that all this would not last forever. For I lived my days as a sheep, but all the time I was tomorrow's lion. © Arnhild Lauweng Over the past ten years, a large number of people have approached me with a request to help them resolve recurring difficulties that arise when communicating with family or loved ones. These problems are usually voiced as: a feeling of powerlessness and loss of hope for improving relationships with a loved one; manifestations of violence or emotional suppression in the family; strong emotional attachment of adult children to parents, difficulties in creating their own family; severe jealousy; the desire to always dominate or always be passive in love relationships; conflicts due to the desire to constantly control a loved one; difficulties in relationships with a family member suffering from alcoholism; conflicts at work due to the transfer of destructive patterns of behavior in the family to work relationships. Why can such problems arise in family communication? Constant problems in family communication : conflicts, disagreements and even violence that often arise are often associated with the presence of emotional dependence between family members or, as psychologists say, “codependency”. In the broadest sense of the word, codependency is the emotional dependence of one person on a significant other. Any significant relationship, especially in the family, gives rise to a certain amount of emotional codependency, but in healthy (mature) relationships there is space for the free development of personality and satisfaction of one’s own needs. Codependent relationships in the family are characterized by the fact that a person’s life is completely absorbed by a significant other. He may say to himself: “I constantly care only about others” or “I am responsible for the life and well-being of a person close to me,” despite the fact that this person is already an adult. Sometimes, in order to be alone with themselves and do their favorite things, emotionally dependent people have only the night time, when all their loved ones are already asleep. The methods of interaction and decision-making in such a family are repeated all the time, returning the person to making the same mistakes and failures. Someone who is cared for by a codependent person - may be a child, adult, loved one, spouse, sibling, grandparent, parent, client, or best friend. Relationships between codependent people move in circles all the time. From the outside it looks as if people are endlessly playing the same play, where all the roles are strictly prescribed. In this life drama there is always a victim, a rescuer and a persecutor. The victim is always weak, helpless, indecisive, sick, irresponsible, in need of guidance and support. The rescuer is the one who saves her (another spouse, partner, child, friend, close relative). The role of the rescuer looks noble, he lives life next to the victim under the motto: “Without me, he/she will be lost.” The rescuer takes an active part in the life of a loved one: advises him, makes decisions for him, takes care of his material and psychological needs. In fact, he takes responsibility for two people and carries this heavy burden patiently, without demanding anything in return (until he himself gets sick or the limit of patience comes). The rescuer becomes mother/father to her adult partner. From time to time, when the limit of patience is reached, the rescuer may exchange her noble role for that of the pursuer or judge. Then he begins to control the victim excessively tightly, accuse him of irresponsibility and indifference, suspect him of malicious intent, punish him for mistakes and “bad” behavior. The victim often feels.