How glad are you to be where you are? In this article, we will figure out where the desire to understand who you really are comes from and why this question, in principle, begins to bother you. You can look at your personality from the point of view of roles: I am a mother, I am a psychologist, I am a woman, a wife, a friend. You can add to these roles evaluative characteristics-adjectives, which often come down to extremes: I am bad / good Good / evil Poor / rich Or you can look deeper: What am I? Am I satisfied with the way I realized myself in each of my roles? Is this what I wanted or is this what others (parents, colleagues, society) expected from me? And who do I want to see myself as? And who How do I feel? Do I like my life? These questions most often become relevant in moments of crisis. By crisis I mean either significant changes in life (change of status, marital status, loss of a loved one, moving, etc.) and also age-related crises: adolescence, graduation from school, college, children coming of age, mid-life crisis). Carl Jung said that there are tasks for the first half and the second half of life. In the first half of life, it is important to get an education, a profession, start a family, and buy a home. Also, for many during this period, such tasks as being no worse than others, being modern, fashionable, and respected come to the fore. So that mom and dad can be proud of me. So that you are not ashamed to come to a meeting of classmates and what to tell about yourself. In the second half of life, when/if the tasks of the first half are realized or partially realized, the most important questions become: Is this what I wanted? Where did I come and what do I have? Who am I Now? It is this period of experience that is usually called a midlife crisis. In fact, this crisis can happen at 30 or 50 years old. At the age of 30-50, families often break up because understanding comes: this is not the kind of relationship I want for myself. Someone radically changes their profession because understanding comes that I am “out of place.” And at such moments, the most important question becomes: what do I want instead? First, an internal conflict arises: “how can I give up everything / everyone that I have at the moment?” Especially if there is a feeling that “I don’t want it the way I used to, but I can’t imagine any other way.” And if the conflict is not resolved, an emptiness forms inside a person, which causes suffering, apathy, procrastination, and depression. I’ll share a little of my story... In my youth, I periodically heard the phrase addressed to me: “Be yourself!” How this recommendation infuriated me! Just take it and be it? Probably, if I could, I would have been... But then there was no understanding of what it means to be yourself. But there were thoughts: I am me. As she is. There was no awareness that I consisted of a million different social norms, parental attitudes, experience of acceptance and rejection by significant people. And of course, there was no understanding of what to do with all this. It took years to find myself, hundreds of books read, courses and many hours of work with a psychotherapist. But it was worth it. This is an amazing, interesting journey to your true essence. The path to yourself is always scary, because it is unknown what awaits me and whether I will like what I find out about myself. Let me find it - it’s difficult, because there is responsibility to loved ones, obligations to children, expectations of parents. Let me find to yourself is to free yourself from guilt, shame, and limiting beliefs. This is to remember long-forgotten ones or discover new talents. Hear your true feelings and realize your desires. This is allowing yourself to live in pleasure and look into the future with joy. Finally, I would like to remind you of one Jewish wisdom: “Every person has two lives. And the second begins when we understand that there is only one life.” You don’t have time to play other people’s roles and live up to someone else’s expectations. It doesn't matter how old you are. What matters is how you want to live the years ahead of you. If you want to find out who you really are and start living your “second” and.