From the author: Published on February 20, 2013 on the website “I know exactly what kind of man I need!” How often do I hear this phrase. From my friends and acquaintances, from clients. And I myself once loved to say it. I was sure that I knew who I needed and what he should be. And I was sure that it was with such a man that I would be happy. There is an opinion that you must know what kind of man you want to see next to you. At many trainings, in articles and books, women are taught that it is imperative to create an image of the man you are next to do you want to be. And then such a man will definitely appear in your life. But what happens in practice? Yes, you can draw up a certain portrait, think through all the details. But will you meet such a man? Hardly. Will your man live up to your fantasies about him 100%? Hardly. Will you be happy next to the actual ideal? It’s also unlikely. If you stop lying to yourself and look at the situation realistically, then... Well, we don’t know what kind of man we really need! And all our portraits and images are nothing more than illusions. And if we succumb to these illusions and begin to look for a man who will at least resemble this ideal image, then what are we doing? We don’t give other men opportunities! Those who could make us really happy. For example, we meet a certain man. Yes, he's nice. Yes, interesting. Yes, I'm passionate about you. And you even became interested in him. But he doesn’t have the right social status, the wrong height, the wrong eye color... He watches the wrong films, listens to the wrong music, spends his free time in the wrong way... This man does not look like an ideal man. And since he doesn’t look like you, you won’t even consider him. Well, because you know exactly what kind of man you need. When you create a certain image for yourself and convince yourself that this is exactly what you need, this is what happens. First, you miss opportunities. Opportunities to be happy, loved and loving. Secondly, you are in your own illusions and do not see real life. Thirdly, you make yourself unhappy and lonely. This is especially felt if you have a beloved man or husband who does not is an ideal. And at the same time you dream about your ideal in secret from your loved one. And you constantly compare. This is how a third wheel appears in your relationship. The one that doesn't exist in the real world, but exists in your fantasies. The one that is invisibly present in your couple. The one that can cause you to underestimate your man. The one that can cause you to be lonely and break up your relationship. I don’t argue, it’s important to know what you want from a man. For example, so that he cares about you, loves and appreciates you, respects your opinion. This helps you choose and avoid relationships that you don't want. But if you have a certain image, an idea of ​​what your ideal man should be, then this is a way to avoid relationships altogether. You meet a man. Compare it with a portrait. The man falls short. And you turn him away. The trick is that there is no such man on this planet who would correspond to your ideal. Why do you need an ideal at all? Are you sure you need it? How do you know that you need just such a man, that he is the one who will make you happy? Once I had an affair that turned my worldview upside down, after which I abandoned the image of an ideal man. I met a young man who was completely different from that category of men that I liked. We started dating. It was difficult and difficult for me, because he was completely different from what I would like my man to be. But, nevertheless, I was happy with him. He did not have an MBA degree, worked in a very mediocre position, but at the same time I was interested in him. And then for the first time I realized that my ideal (portrait of an ideal man) was just my fantasy. And that I can be happy even with someone who is the complete opposite of my ideal. It was difficult. Hard. After all, the ideal hung over our.