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I'm not a robot

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From the author: I wish all readers success in working on themselves. “I read your article in which you chose the best, in your opinion, essays sent to you. A very interesting move. Now I will know exactly how to write an essay. But the essay is written, but what about the analysis? How can a person understand himself through what he sees and writes?” The meaning of any essay is, first of all, an emotional response. Bringing out the “inner content of the soul.” The second important point is drawing parallels with life - insights (insights, understanding about yourself, your actions, actions, events), introspection. In the movie Good Will Hunting, psychologist Sean, in a conversation with the main character (conversation by the lake), says to him: “Do you know what I understand? You are a boy... You don't even know what you're talking about. If I asked you about art, you would give me a full report... But I'm sure you don't know what the Sistine Chapel smells like. If I ask about women, you'll give me a picture of your preferences... But you won't be able to tell what it's like to wake up with a woman and feel happy... I look at you and don't I see an educated and confident person. I see a small and crap-crapped baby...” So it is in our lives: “you seem to know and understand everything, but in reality it turns out that “everything is not as we would like.” Knowledge is not equivalent to your own experience. The third stage is conclusions and decisions that you accept in connection with these realizations. The fourth stage is what actions you will now take. “If you sow a thought, you will reap an action, if you sow an action, you will reap an action...” I suggest you read one of the best essay-analysis on the film “Shine” (Australia, Geoffrey Rush). client - Alexandra, 35 years old (one month in counseling) “I consider myself a cat. I like to kiss cats if they allow...If I see a cat on the fence, I will kiss it...always,” he says with a faint smile. It turns out that he wants to be kissed... He talks to himself, the words reveal him as an intellectual. "Is it possible to wash a black dog white? You need to collect all the puzzles - maybe you'll get the word...Funny? Funny. Riddle? Riddle." A man in the rain with a wet, extinguished cigarette wants to go into the closed door of a cozy bar, but they growl at him with displeasure - “Get out.” A crazy person comes into a cafe, “smokes” a wet cigarette, and talks what seems like nonsense and nonsense. He can’t stop and says to himself: “Should I shut up? Yes? This is a problem” - he answers his own question. “Why did you come? - I’m probably lost.” Three people meet him - the bartender thinks he is an idiot, laughs at him, the waitress feels sorry for him, wants to help, the main one tells him - “get out of here.” He clings to Sylvia because she is kind, and he felt it - “Live, Sylvia, and let others live. Live and remain whole... If you do something bad, you will pay for the rest of your life.” It is obvious that there is complete discord in his soul; it is impossible to say for sure whether he is crazy. “Dad” appears in his words. "Daddy says so, he says I'm evil and heartless." “Hefgot” - what a last name, they laugh at his last name, he laughs with them, although there is no hint of laughter in his eyes. Nothing funny. He laughs often, but he laughs in order not to perform another action - cry or scream. "You can't oppress Sylvia. I probably don't have a soul." Apparently he is talking to his father. More precisely, the one with him. It is he who tells him: “You cannot oppress me. You have no soul.” He clings to the words in his monologue - “this is ridiculous. It was an absurd tragedy.” Childhood - he goes to a competition with the attitude “I will win” - this was instilled in him by his dad. When he is silent when asked, what will you play? - the father is already ready to answer for him, it is felt that he is ready to live this life for him. His father sits at the end of the hall so that he can see everything, control everything - over everyone, he always does this. In the look - readiness for his own triumph, but as soon as something went wrong - he immediately found the culprit - the piano. “The baby is magnificent” - such words are usually applicable to an adult; incompatible things are combined. When all“recovered” - then he already admits that this is his son, and not just a baby. The older sister already notices from afar by her father’s gait that David has lost - “everyone will get it,” she says doomedly. During the game of chess there is again an attitude: “David, always win!” - the sister has long “seen through” her father - she looks at him angrily and askance, saying that she’s tired of her ambitions. The father tells the same story for edification, the boy already knows it by heart. He tells him: “You are a very lucky boy!” - and at the same time hits the table with his fist, although this is unlikely to make anyone happy, especially a child. The mother sits in the corner, her posture is humiliated, submissive, a position of complete non-interference. Afraid of her husband's "fist". The father asks his son to repeat after him “I am a very happy boy,” apparently because he has a “violin”, but his father did not have one. David, in order to please and appease (this is the main feeling he has for his father), offers - “Shall I play for you?” The father's intonations - at first a scream (with a threat) - turning into a supposedly peaceful dialogue-monologue. Doesn't allow you to contradict anyone. Forces him to do what he wants. When they knock on the door, everyone raises their heads, in the hope that this will improve their situation, everyone except the father, who already knows who came. He apparently knows everything in this life. But this is a surprise - a member of the jury came, then he immediately ran towards me with interest. In the eyes of the father, there is a feeling of insulted dignity when he is told that the prize was not awarded to his son because he played too well. The envelope with the consolation bonus is intercepted by the father - he decides everything in this house, it is his merit that the boy plays so well. When the jury member talks about the complexity of the work, David, with an absolutely joyless and empty expression on his face, replies that this is his father’s choice. "Daddy chose." David never smiles and calls his father “daddy” all the time - the desire to please, appease, not to incur the wrath of his father, and not the loving, affectionate address of a son to his father. The father looks at the guest with arrogance and pride, first of all, for himself - “they are all playing!” When he offers his services as a teacher, his father pushes him out of the house with the pressure of his body, without allowing him to finish: “I am his teacher, and I have never studied anywhere.” He is so proud of himself, vanity rushes out of him. When David plays Rachmaninov on the piano at night, his father tells him that this is the most difficult concert in the world, the boy asks “will you teach me?” - the boy wants to learn the most difficult concert in the world so that his dad will love him at least a little and finally praise him. The father smiles contentedly - he did please - only he can teach him the most difficult concert. “If you ever play him, I’ll be proud of you.” All a father wants is to be proud of himself. The boy never smiles back at him. Crossed arms on the lid of the piano are a symbol of the boy's prison - he fell into the most difficult captivity to escape - the captivity of his father. When they come to the music teacher for lessons, the father immediately announces: “I can’t pay you,” they say, you have to pay me extra for the one I made.” The father leaves the teacher’s house to the growing noise of thunder, and the thunderstorm has already broken out in David's adult state. Sylvia takes David into his apartment, he talks about composers - “that they lost everyone,” meaning himself... When everyone leaves his room, he stops smiling, the sound of the rain turns into a roar of applause - he remembers When in. of his youth, he is given a winner’s prize - he is confused, cannot answer the question - “how much effort are you willing to give for your work?”, his father again answers for him - his dad thinks for him and knows everything, but nevertheless adds his hobbies, that he loves tennis. “You are very lucky, David, that you have a family.” “Yes, daddy.” My son is very “lucky” that he has such a smart dad who knows everything - and dad’s eyes. - this is the same thing, this is the essence of the father. He created a prison for his children, where everything is subject to his power, and no one can escape from this prison, because “a family cannot be a prison, because they love there the way they love.”nowhere else." The father does not allow his children to grow up, does not allow them to become adults or themselves. David still wets the bed, the eldest daughter has no right to meet with friends. To feed themselves, they collect bottles, while the father boasts - you see, how healthy and strong I am - when he chops wood. Children resignedly accept this truth of life. A healthy and strong father lives at the expense of his children. “No one will hit me. The weak are crushed like grasshoppers" - he compares his children - with a cruel and merciless world." He invites his children to hit himself - and pushes them away with a victorious cry - “See what an iron man I am.” That's all he can do - fight with his own small children. More precisely, defeat them. The mother, looking at this, humiliatingly wipes away a tear, she is no one at all, does not play any role. At the reception about the trip to America, the father is again very proud of himself, David owes everything to him, he looks at the others with contempt, not intending to celebrate the success of his son (or yourself) with them. He begins to humiliate David's teacher, saying that he does not understand anything in life - he has no family, he does not know about the torment that David's family had to endure. He pastes everything into his archive - newspaper clippings in a huge folder - he is the keeper of everything. He covers the old hole in the chair with a blanket - this is a metaphor - he tries to hide behind his past torments - he is clearly a manipulator and blackmailer - he puts pressure on feelings of pity and guilt, instead of going to work, finding himself, and buying a new chair, he cuts out articles about to his talented son - and endlessly pastes them into his diary. At the expense of his son, he receives his dose of recognition in society, thereby satisfying himself in his life. For him, his son provides meaning for life, which he cannot seek for himself, because he is a complete loser, he is unlikely to be capable of anything. When the girl tries to meet David, his father jealously immediately takes him away. He introduces him to the writer, but does not allow his son to say a word - you will learn a lot from this lady" - all the time there are only moral teachings, what to do, where to go... When David reads the letter from America, confirming the trip, the father, listening , throws potatoes into the soup - the boiling water absorbs everything... just like him. Everything goes into the furnace of his unsatisfied ambitions and desires, and the most important ingredient is David. How can he lose such an important participant in his life - his father against America.. .The letter went into the fire. David runs to the teacher in despair, he has just begun to come to life in anticipation of freedom - but his father’s prison is a life sentence... A dripping faucet is “water wears away the stone” or the last drop that may open the gates of freedom. Sitting in the bath, David shit himself, it seemed he didn’t care that his father had to take a bath after him. A symbol of both fear and indifference, and a symbol of David’s own life. The teacher tried to talk to his father, who hid. , is afraid to go out and talk frankly face to face - he is definitely not a man, but a rag... He asks his son not to Hate him, that’s right, but not to Love him, that is, he perfectly understands what feelings David has for him. “You must survive, repeat,” the Father demands again, the son “returns” his message to him. It seems that he is starting to grow up and does not want to obey him. The father plays the last card - saying “words of love” is the only way he can still keep his son with him. David falls for her, because it was these words that he had been waiting for all his life and for the sake of these words he did as his father wanted. David is back at home, he has found an outlet in a new friend - a writer, he has a heart-to-heart talk with her... Still He fulfilled his father's dream - he played Rachmaninov, but he calls the game "blood sport." The father's reaction to the loss - when he bends down to hear his last name better - suddenly gets a slap in the face for everything, that's what he needs, the vile monster is him. The father cannot believe his ears, but David is calm. The father winces, cannot bear the applause - not for him - and runs out of the hall. Communicating with the writer, David asks abouther father, she responds by talking about her father with love, David understands that he never had this and never will. “He’s an angry lion” - “He’s a kitten,” his friend answers, and in essence, she’s right, he’s an absolute nonentity who can’t do any harm if you just send him in all directions. When Katherine gives gloves to protect her hands, it is worth a lot, because the gift is made with love and from the heart, behind it is an understanding of a person and his inner life. But they are red..."Blood sport". The father is like a parasite that has invaded his son's brain and wants to live only there. Reading the letter about the scholarship, he laughs with notes of complete power over his son - “you think you can do as you please?” David snatches the letter from his hands and for the first time voices “I want.” When a father physically beats his son because she is talented, smart, gifted, this is already from his own powerlessness, he is just a pathetic parasite. He manipulates his son on his feelings, in the end he simply expels him from the house: “you will be barred from entering this house.” He clings to him like a bloodsucking tick, hypnotizes him: “if you leave, you will pay for the rest of your life.” Despite the blackmail, David still leaves, his father burns the memory of him - he burns all the newspaper clippings. When he studies with the professor, he gives him some advice: “Is it a wise approach to agree with everything; notes are on paper, not emotions, You shouldn't sacrifice everything for the sake of emotions." But David cannot control his emotions, he constantly thinks about his father, writes letters to him “I must concentrate,” but he is focused only on thoughts about home. He is not sure of anything, because as a child he was not given the most important feelings - love and security. When he again chooses a work by Rachmaninov to participate in the competition, this confirms that he could not tear himself away from his father, he again wants to prove to his father that he loves him and in return receive the most important recognition - a declaration of love from his father. But this is impossible in principle. His father does not know how to love, and is unlikely to learn. He only knows how to absorb, but love is to give. Everything David does is for his father. When he stands half naked on the landing, not even noticing himself - indifference to his appearance is his father's indifference to him. After reading the letter about Katherine’s death, he lost a lot in life, because this man sincerely loved him. David plays Rachmaninoff “as if tomorrow never comes,” he plays for his father, his whole life is for him. All the pain, all the despair of life - he plays with his fingers, but does not hear his own sounds. His life is empty and there is a complete scorched desert. He became deaf from this pain, and only one small tear falls from his father’s eyes when he listens to the recording of this concert. All this is for her sake??? David ends up in the hospital, which is not surprising how he even managed to live up to this moment... After the hospital he calls his dad and says that he is “home”, the father hangs up - he won - his son crawled to him. When David went crazy , it is unclear where the line of his madness is, it seems that he is pretending. He is a boy from childhood, which he was not allowed into, which he was not given, and subsequently kicked out of this paradise by his dad. “He can check out, but he has nowhere to go” is the result of his father’s hypnosis when he kicked him out of the house because of college. No one can help him, neither old fans, nor the church. He is still in his childhood - “the weak are crushed like grasshoppers.” He runs in the rain, trying to wash away all the wounds from his soul. The circle of the film is that he is playing the piano in a cheap cafe, everyone is shocked that this psycho turns out to play like that. Everyone is quiet - and David is beginning a new stage in his life - he is joyfully playing in a provincial cafe, and this inspires respect that he - a great pianist - was not afraid of such a scene. But here they loved him and accepted him for who he is. You could say he is finding his new home. This is his victory. His father continues to watch him and cannot stand this victory - he comes to him. "Are you feeling okay?" - continues to dominate his son, opening a can of canned food, joyfully)

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