Often in consultations I hear from clients a request to “control emotions”, most often it looks like learning ways to “not feel anxiety, anger, sadness”, etc. Usually in this case I I use the following metaphor: “imagine that I hold your hand and bring a lit lighter to it, how will you feel?” The answers are often associated with feelings such as anxiety, fear, anger, apprehension. Someone answers immediately in the context of actions, bypassing feelings, such as, for example, withdrawing their hand, leaving a consultation (which is understandable, I would do that too). Some say they would wait for an explanation or even watch with interest. I clarify that the conditions are such (this is a metaphor) that you cannot withdraw your hand and leave. I return to feelings. I’m heating up the metaphor: “I’m already holding a lighter under your hand, probably, in addition to the feelings that you described, you’re already experiencing pain.” And the crowning question: “What do I need to do so that you stop experiencing these feelings and painful sensations?” I won’t languish for long, the answer is based on the fact that I somehow turn off the client’s consciousness (fantasy entered the chat). Let me remind you that this is only a metaphor. A conscious person who has adaptive coping strategies in his arsenal (and here we do not include psychological defenses such as denial, suppression, dissociation) will not be able to immediately turn off the feelings that arise. So what to do then? The first thing you can do is learn to accept your feelings. Acceptance involves the following processes: ✔Be able to understand what emotions you are currently experiencing (fear, anxiety, anger, etc.). Track what sensations are caused by certain emotions (tension in the shoulders with anxiety, clenched jaws with anger, stiffness in the shoulders and body with fear, etc.). Non-judgmentally, without using characteristics, whether these emotions and sensations are “good” or “bad”.✔Normalize your emotions, feelings and sensations, because they perform vital functions (for example, anxiety and fear warn of dangers, force one to be wary and protect oneself; anger indicates a violation of personal boundaries, unsatisfied needs, non-acceptance of conditions and a desire to change something, defend oneself, protect oneself, etc. ).✔Validate yourself: admit that you have the right to experience certain emotions, they arose for a reason, but as a response to a certain situation; empathize with yourself, because experiencing them is sometimes unpleasant and painful.✔Remember an experience when you went through painful emotions and were able to withstand them. Remind yourself that emotions and feelings are finite. Accepting emotions is a process that helps you experience emotions and feelings faster and with less suffering, because additional discomfort from relating to certain experiences is eliminated (for example, I am afraid that I will be irritated with someone, I am angry with myself because of my anxiety, I consider myself wrong because of my fears, etc.). Acceptance of emotions does not mean that you allow yourself to commit destructive actions, such as constantly lashing out at loved ones due to anger, lying in bed all day because of sadness, not going to interviews due to anxiety, etc., because emotions and behavior under the influence of emotions are different processes. Our actions are under more control than our emotions and feelings (which is a topic for the next article). And it is also important to remember that you are more than your emotions. Emotions do not define you as a person, as an individual. If this article resonated with you and you want to continue, I would be grateful for your feedback and comments.